A Rule of 5 or 6?

So what have I learned this week? I’ve learnt making 65,000 calls to an ex in a 12 month period is officially classed as stalking – no shit? Really?  Lets put this into perspective – that’s 178 calls a day, that’s 7 calls an hour (if she’s an insomniac) or 11 calls an hour (if she sleeps for 8 hours a night). Surely after the first few thousand you would get the message? I need to google her ex to see if he was worth it, will let you know what I find!.

I then went on to read an article from a bloke about internet dating, he complained that women have too much of a checklist and can not look past it to allow themselves to meet Mr Right and be happy. Up to this point I was giving him the benefit of the doubt – ok may be he’s right.

He then went on to say that we should go on a date with every man who asks us whether we feel we will be a good match or not (really?, because by my calculations this would mean I’d be on a date from hell pretty much every night until one day I disappeared and my body is found in several pieces a month later) Like seriously are you insane????

Wait there’s more pearls of wisdom here, he went on to say we should have a minimum of 6 dates with a man before reaching a decision on whether we should see him again – so let me get this straight, I am to agree to a date with someone I don’t fancy or not sure about and then see them a further 5 times before telling them they’re not my type? Isn’t that like leading them on? Like just a tiny bit?

The only valid bit of insight he gave me was that men and women view dating in different ways. After 2 – 3 dates a women will be starting to form an idea of a relationship with her man and taking him into consideration when making plans (be them for a few months down the line – ie he can come to my mates wedding, Christmas party etc). Whereas a man will have 5 – 6 dates and class this as dipping their toes into relationship waters. (These are the men who just as you think all is going well go cold on you and start to back off –  Steve being case in point – and I really liked him too!).

With this in mind I’m thinking of recalculating the number of dates I have with any given man before becoming intimate to coincide with this? Up until recently I had a minimum 4 date rule (minimum people – not on the 4^th date I will shag you!). Ultimately the rules are negotiable and it depends entirely on how comfortable you are together, or you’ve had a few glasses of wine and he’s fit and he’s there!

Ps- if a man accuses you of being a sex addict its because he can’t keep up with you and this is how he justifies it to himself – so be kind. (I asked John what his purpose was in life if it wasn’t to shag me?! At which point he replied “bloody 30 year olds” Lol!)

Today I spoke to a friend who agreed to a blind date with someone she had given her number to a couple of years ago, she couldn’t remember what he looked like but after a few weeks of texting decided to meet up with him. Now something that I have learnt through personal experience is that this type of encounter will undoubtedly end in disappointment (not always as there are always exceptions to the rule) but the whole time you are communicating, be it texts, emails or phone calls you are building up a mental image of this person (even with profile pictures you won’t know what they actually look like or if there will be any attraction until you meet them). The high expectations are bound to be a disappointment. (For example I know if gym man ever asked me out on a date he could never in a million years live up to the expectations I have built up about him over the last 3 years – would I therefore turn him down? Mmmmmmmn not sure!!)

I’ve just finished reading “Belle De Jours guide to men”. She has a rule of 3 – within 3 contacts (email/text/call) you need to secure the date or move on. (The internet dating scene never sleeps). I think this is a bit harsh and actually 3 emails isn’t going to be enough for me to establish whether you’re likely to be a serial killer or not. I think may be 5 or 6 contacts?

It is advisable that one of these is on the telephone as you can learn more about a person with ten minutes on a phone call then several weeks of ping pong emails. The exception being men who aren’t comfortable talking on the phone. Incidently I’ve dated all of these, the ones who hate phone calls (and you can hear the edginess in their voice because they want to put the phone down as quickly as possible – no they weren’t married), and the ones who hate texting  (too fumbly for my fingers!). None of this however stopped me from having a relationship with them. So 5 or 6 seems to be the running theme here.

Also I’ve changed my attitude towards dating in the last couple of weeks, I’m being more assertive, if you want to date me (and I believe I’m worth a date) you’re going to have to make an effort. To any man who thinks for one minute a women should have to travel for an hour and a half or two hours to meet up for a first date is delusional. Not gonna happen, I don’t care if you’re Brad Pitt, you meet me half way or not at all. (That’s 2 men I’ve discounted over the last month).

So I’m still single but pretty sure I’m better off, if they’re that selfish now its unlikely to improve with time! Back to the drawing board! Will keep you updated as always!

Thanks for reading J xx