The Etiquette of Breaking up

I was listening to my local radio station on the way into work last week and they were discussing the best ways to split up with someone based on some article. The first rule of breaking up was to start distancing yourself from your partner leading up to it, ie start seeing them less frequently and be less available so they kind of see it coming rather than carry on like nothing is wrong and then spring it on them.

Secondly they all agreed you should always do this in person – never, ever by text, email or phone (or post it note – sex & the city style!). I’m not 100% sure I agree with this statement, I think it depends on how long you have been dating.

I think if you’ve only met this person recently and you’ve only been on a couple of dates and are just not feeling it, an email or text is probably an acceptable method. Any more than that I think deserves a telephone call (as a bare minimum). Anything over 2 months I think should be done in person. I have a lot of respect for people who make the effort to do this face to face. It shows a level of maturity and respect for your partner. (I hope you’re reading this, you know who you are!).

Thirdly they said you must make it perfectly clear that you are dumping the person! I think what they means is that you should be firm that you have made a decision and are not just attention seeking, and that you genuinely do not want to date this person any more. One of the radio presenters was talking about how he dumped his girlfriend and 2 days later she called him like nothing had happened and asked him for a lift?! Lol! (He obviously wasn’t clear enough – or she was a psycho!)

The next stage is to give the person a reason why they are being dumped, the whole “its not you it’s me” line doesn’t work either!!  So what makes a good reason to split up with someone? Recently I was told “we don’t have enough in common?” Really? Do you really need lots in common to get along? Don’t opposites attract? Also didn’t you know this when you met me??! (In his defence he was probably right but it took me another try and a couple of months to work this out for myself!!)

Also how honest can you be? You’re thinking “you bore the sh1t out of me and I can’t bear another minute in your company??” but you say “I just don’t think this is going to work out, we want different things?” Then there’s the classic, “you deserve better than me?” Well that’s pretty obvious mate, what’s your point???.

A few of my favourites (one’s I’ve come across not used personally)

 “I’m not saying it’s you but I know its not me!”

“Life’s too short to make mistakes” (Amen to that!)

“You looked better when I was drunk?”.   

“You’re an investment with no return!” (ooooh LOVE that one!!).

 “I used to think size didn’t matter but in your case I have to make an exception!” (Bit cruel but sooo funny!)

Lastly one I can see myself using soon “I can’t meet your needs for the foreseeable future because working on my site and spending time with my friends is far more absorbing then conversing with you!.”  (Hee hee)

Moving swiftly on, so the last stage of dumping someone was to find a suitable place to do it.  Should you go to their place? invite them to yours? or meet in a public place? There are advantages and disadvantages to all 3 options. I think if you are doing the dumping and go to their place at least you can make a quick get away ie you can walk out, if however they are at your place it gets a bit more complex, as its bad enough you’re dumping them but then you have to ask them to leave?

A public place also has its downside (no chance of a quickie beforehand – I know I’m sorry but haven’t we all done this???!!) Do you know how the other person is likely to react?. If you think they might act violent towards you then perhaps this is a viable option, as may be they are less likely to do this with people around? Also are you prepared for a big scene in a public place if this is the way it goes down? I’m pretty sure if you’ve dated for a while you have a good idea on how the other person is going to take it and a decision can be made based on this. They didn’t cover the subject on whether you can stay friends with an ex, I have my opinions about that but that’s a whooooooole other blog!

So in conclusion, if you are going to dump someone, make sure it’s definitely what you want, decide a location, do it in person (preferably) be firm, give a reason if possible and hopefully walk away unscathed!

For the record I don’t think its classy making a scene regardless of how tempting it may be.  I think if someone doesn’t want to be with you then that’s their decision and you deserve better than to be with someone who isn’t 100% into you. (Hence why I’m still single! lol).

Thank you for reading.