Threesomes, Rubberist & Multiple Relations, just another week in NoshWorld!

Hey

So another couple of weeks have flown by, this week’s highlights included accidentally walking in on one of the Directors in the toilets, in my defence he was the one who had forgotten to lock the door but I was the one who barged in full steam ahead!! Soooooo embarrassing, I suppose it could have been worse he could have been in the middle of his business and swung round in surprise?? What would you do in that situation? Say something like “oh my, your wife is a very lucky woman” and then turn around and run?.  

It didn’t help that I was volunteered to serve them drinks an hour later, believe me I kept my eyes averted at all times!

Else where in NoshWorld one of my ex’s sent me a text asking if I fancied a threesome??!, I text  back to tell him he couldn’t handle me, how on earth did he intend to handle two of us? Apart from anything else I’m pretty sure he wasn’t up for a 2 man and one woman combo, and not being funny but if it’s going to be 2 women then I don’t see why he should get to pick the other woman?. What if she’s not my type??? For the record I haven’t actually tried this and I’m pretty sure the reality wouldn’t be as much fun as the fantasy.

On the dating front the dating site has been pretty pants, and I’m not sure if paying for the service was such a good idea? Again I am partly to blame as I have been out and about having far too much fun to be sitting in front of the computer looking for Mr Right. So a change in attitude is probably required!

The only guy I had been chatting to started to get on my nerves because every time I’d log onto the site to retrieve emails he would send me a “wink” I’m assuming to let me know that he knew I was online? Not being funny but why don’t you just text me? You have my number? It made me feel quite uncomfortable like he was checking up on me?, if he’s this possessive now, imagine what he’d be like after a date????

I did get a really, really, reeeeeeeeeeally long email from a bloke, telling me all about himself and his entire life story, which though sweet just made me realise we had absolutely nothing in common and so there really was no point in corresponding with him, however at least he saved me time and effort by getting this across in a first email? I think you should keep an initial email short and sweet, give each other an opportunity to ask questions if interested.

I didn’t get any naked pics this week though I did get a message from a bloke who sounded ok until I got to the bit of his profile where he declared he was a Rubberist?? My first thought was WTF is a Rubberist? Am I expected to get my marigolds out during sex? My second thought was, what part of MY profile made him think I’d be into this? I decided it was probably best not to ask? Delete, delete, DELETE!.

Surely they have specific sites for these people?  Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind wearing a bit of leather but even I draw the line at rubber! Every one to their own I suppose! (Why me???)  Actually I’d love to wear a fat suit to bounce around in, you know like those sumo wrestler ones? Not during sex obviously just for fun, sorry I’m digressing.

Also I quite like to dress up in fancy dress (maid, police women, schoolgirl – you get the picture) though one of my besties was horrified that I was thinking of buying the Ann Summers “nun” outfit, this week, I was like “bless you my child” (sorry just couldn’t resist – even she had to giggle at that point) Let  me help you repent your sins! Hee hee. Apparently she likes to act out the character if she’s in an outfit whereas I just love wearing pretty outfits and the effects they have on the other half! In other words you won’t catch me with a duster in my hand just because I’m in a maid outfit? Though I may have handcuffs in the policewomen one! Moving swiftly on………

I’m working on a new theory when it comes to men, in that why bother? Why settle for one man, when you can have several men?  May be there really isn’t just one man out there for every woman? I have spent a fair bit of time (when not in a relationship) over the last couple of years trying to find Mr Right and to be honest I’m really not sure he exists? I know no one is perfect, perfection is not what I’m looking for, and I also do not have (despite popular belief) a huge check list. I just want to meet someone normal? Someone I can get a long with, who can be my friend as well as my partner.

I know many people in relationships I don’t know I blinked and was surrounded by couples but it doesn’t bother me, I am possibly the only singleton left in my huge circle of friends and family but I don’t feel like an outcast or different?  Nothing is taken away from my life because I don’t have a man in it.

I’m not alone, my friends always make time for me, I meet up with the girls/guys for  dinner or drinks or I go round to their houses to play with their babies and converse with them and their partners. 

I’m very independent, I work 2 jobs, and I have a mortgage, a car and a social lifestyle. I’m happy.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying I don’t want a man, what I’m saying is that I don’t need one. So here within lies the problem, what man is worth all the effort to get involved with in the first place? What’s he going to bring into my life that I don’t have already?

I’ve been spending time talking to and analysing my relationships with the ex’s. All men have good and bad points, the less time you spend with them, the more they are on their “best behaviour” and the more they show their good side.

So how about you don’t get into a relationship with just one man?, why not have a few casual flings with a few of them? That way you get the best bits from all of them without any of the mundane boring stuff?

They are after all very, very different. Some are like Ferraris, fast and furious and very noisy, while others are like Limos, slower and quieter but still get you from A to O. (If you get my drift?)

I liked the man who would come home from work and come up to kiss me before heading off to the shower or doing anything else because it was important to him to acknowledge me and it made me feel special. The man who would always open doors for me, the man who would help clear the table and carry the dishes into the kitchen or the man who would send me a text to say goodnight when we were apart so I knew he was thinking of me. The man who would help me with the shopping when I was unloading the car, or give me a cuddle because of something I said. The man who’d say “wow” when I answered the door to him after spending ages getting ready for a night out. Obviously these were the actions of several different men, not just the one.

In past relationships there were many restrictions because of the people I got involved with. I dated the “extreme workaholic” so getting him to agree to do anything was difficult, I’ve dated the “author” who would always be too busy promoting his book to be able to spend Christmas week with me? (I LOVE Christmas!)

I’ve dated men who are too cheap to want to go out for a nice meal once in a while, or men who travel for work all over the country so aren’t easily available to do things on the spur of the moment. Men who couldn’t possible go away this weekend because the football/rugby/cricket/motor racing (delete as appropriate) is on.

Men who can’t go away EVER due to pet commitments? Really???? Ever heard of a kennel?? Oh yeah I forgot he was the one who was cheap too so may be not! Men who have no imagination and their idea of a good time is a Chinese takeaway and a movie? (like all the time). Boring. Men who didn’t drive, or men who drove but didn’t have a car so I always had to pick them up or drop them off so I couldn’t drink and relax.  Is it any wonder I’m still single????

So working on my new theory, if you could take advantage of the good points of the different men, you could get to do so much more with them then you could ever do with just one?

So you could have the one man who likes to go out for dinners and thrives on the conversation? (we can take it in turns to pay – I’m not a gold digger), Another man who due to work commitments travels a lot but you can go away for the odd romantic night or weekend in a hotel together?

A man who likes to travel abroad so you could have spontaneous weekends away for a city break to some European destination, or a couple of weeks in Cuba? Then where’s the harm?  I’m pretty sure the rule of 5 or 6 doesn’t apply here, I couldn’t cope with that many men, I’m thinking 3 may be the magic number here?.

I know what you’re going to say, it’s not as fulfilling as a proper committed relationship and you are probably right, it is nice to have the security that comes with a proper relationship. However in the mean time isn’t this what being single is all about?...........................

A New Dating site, Ex's and FWB's

Hey,

So another week has flown by? There have been some high points in NoshWorld. The highs – finding the perfect phone for me (It’s a Blackberry and I have it IN MY HANDS) – believe me the amount of hassle getting it was unbelievable, I’m very fussy and had my heart set on this one specific phone and nothing else would do (bit like how I am with men I suppose – always want what’s hard to get!) – v excited as it means I’ll have access to my blog and sites all the time – bring on the tweets!!. Just got to work out how to use it now!

I managed to change my hours at work so I can fit in an extra Body Combat class a week – how sad am I??? Feel fabulous for it though!

Found out this week that one of my besties is well loved up, I was beyond chuffed to learn she is following my 5 -6 date rule and is finding it very successful!  (My god some people actually listen to me??). May be I’ll become one of those people who can’t do but can teach? Did any one read about the lady “Love Doctor” in the paper this week? She’s 24 and makes a living by helping people seduce their ideal partner? Only she can’t find love herself? Her problem she says is she’s so caught up in the frill of the chase she doesn’t want the relationship at the end of it? I think that’s where our similarities end, I hate the whole chase bit (though I am getting better at it!) I’m happiest in a proper relationship (though it has been a while so things may have changed!). 

The low this week – was having to visit my brother in law in hospital after he suffered a “medium” heart attack. I asked him what “medium” meant and he smiled and said well any harder than that’ and it would have been bye bye. (Not funny!) Made me realise life really is too short (so I’d best find a man quick!!) He’s going to be alright by the way, I told him not to go anywhere.

Talking of men I recently made a decision that it was time to cut ties with the ex’s as its time to move on with my life.  This lasted approximately 2 days before I got serious withdrawal symptoms! (Ok lets be honest this lasted like an hour before I had palpitations!) I suppose when you’re single its reassuring to still have male company even if it is from an ex?.  May be I just seek the attention? (There’s nothing like the feeling when you see the little envelope on your phone to say you have a message – big sigh) Besides I tend to get on better with my ex’s when I’m not dating them probably because the fear of commitment is no longer there? (Their fear, not mine).

I then got onto thinking can you be friends with an ex or will sex always get in the way? If you get on well then where’s the harm? I think the harm comes into play when you’re not being honest about your motives and feelings. If you have a secret desire to get back together, to show them what they’re missing, then you’re playing with fire and you’re the only one who’s going to get burnt.

My pattern in the past has always been to keep my recent ex’s as a FWB (friend with benefits). Obviously this means they need to have been good in bed otherwise it defeats the whole object, also you need to be able to get along with them and enjoy their company?. After all he needs to come up for air at some point?!

There’s only 3 ex’s that fit into that category at present (I enjoy their company and find them interesting to talk to – not I want to get back together with them – Ex’s are ex’s for a reason and usually a very good one!). Out of them, one is too busy, ones abroad (and I’m kinda ready to move on from that one) and the last one is just not good for me.

Oh yes Steve is baaaaaack - remember him? He was the one who commented that Kelly Rowland looked chunky in her Commander video – in the tight red leather cat suit? Really??? Are you serious?? He’s also the one who commented on a picture of me in the countryside by asking how long ago it was taken because I looked massive in the picture???? He was like “don’t get me wrong, you look tiny on the sofa here and I know the camera adds like ten pounds!!” Cheeky git, it was taken the month before and it was winter time, I was wearing a fat jumper and a coat so yeah of cause I looked a bit bigger???? For the record whatever I lack in body I more than make up for in personality!!  (For those of you who don’t know me I’m a size 10-12 and he’s a wanker!). He’s funny and suggested may be third time would be lucky??? I’d say third time would make me a sadist - so that’s the end of that then – Eek! (I’m screwed – or not as the case may be?!)

So I joined a new website to find Mr Right – had to pay – not impressed (paid for one month and got one month free so not too bad), am hoping the quality of the blokes will be better because surely men who aren’t looking for a relationship won’t waste their money? So far met one bloke who after only being on the site for 3 days decided to date someone he already knew? I obviously have that influence on men???!

Am now chatting to another bloke but he does live quite far away so I don’t know if anything will come of it? Also got a couple of emails from men in their 50’s? No I’m not looking for a sugar daddy thank you very much.

I did have a really sweet bloke who sent me a message and after I responded told me he had only sent the message to “test the waters” and hadn’t seriously expected me to reply and that I had made his day? Lol (Awwww sweet). Not sure if he’s ginger? Described himself as having brown hair but I don’t trust that site (it’s the free one – oh yes I’m on more than one). Not heard from him for a couple of days so I probably boosted his confidence enough for him to go find someone else? Jeez!

There was the bloke who sent me an email saying “hi”  (original eh?) and because I didn’t respond straight away (needy or what?) sent me another one the next day to say “you’re probably not interested because I have kids” I was thinking, no I’m not interested because you’re ugly?  I decided not to respond, I always think if you have nothing nice to say its best not to say anything at all.

On the subject of kids, I wouldn’t rule out a man just because he’s a dad, I’m not that naive to think you can get to your mid thirties and still meet lots of people who didn’t have children.  I’m not particularly good with them though so I would be put off if they lived with him and or there were several of them (young ones).

There was the bloke from Kent who’s first words to me on the phone were “you realise I have kids?” I was like “what more than one?” (Trying to hide the panic in my voice!) He had three but they were all over 16 so not the end of the world (he was only in his 40’s so started young). I can live with that. Unfortunately for me the date didn’t go too well because I accidentally hooked up with an ex the night before and was shattered by the time I got to the date. (It was New Year and I was having a fabulous start to it!!) He later text me to say there was no chemistry? I’m not surprised I was comatose throughout most of the date!. (Will I ever learn???!)

So we shall see. It’s only been a few days, who knows what’s around the corner in the online dating world? Will keep you updated.

Thanks for reading.