What’s the secret to a happy long term relationship and where the hell is my Knight in shining Armour???!

So the night before the big day (my mates wedding) I’m a nervous wreck trying to get organised, I need to make sure I have everything ready so it’s not a big rush in the morning. All I had to do was wash my hair, wrap the present and iron my dress, what did I do? Chat to a really hot man on messenger until I was too tired to do anything but go to bed! Doh!

Can someone please explain to me why I’m the one that’s nervous before my friend’s wedding? I kid you not, half an hour before leaving the house, my hand was trembling so bad I couldn’t put my lip liner on, I was exactly the same at my last best friends wedding two years ago.  We’re a group of 5 friends who met when we worked for a travel company 14 years ago and even though we have changed jobs many times since we have managed to keep our friendship. I’m officially the last one left who’s not married, actually I’m the only one, who’s not got a partner or kids and I’m the second eldest!  Eek. In recent years trying to get us all together in one place at one time has been impossible and I think the last time this happened was at the last wedding, With this precedent in mind I’m terrified I’ll never see them again – no pressure!

To be honest attending weddings when you’re a single person can be quite daunting, for those who thought weddings were the perfect opportunity to meet someone obviously hadn’t been to one recently! You know everybody else will be in couples. It’s also probably not easy fitting into the table plan either? Damn my best mate who used to be my plus one, how dare you get married and have kids and leave me to attend weddings alone?! Lol. I’m really lucky though, as I said this was one of my friends getting married and even though my other friends had their husbands with them, we’re all quite close and I didn’t feel singled out.

The proceedings went without a hitch, the bride looked stunning in her beautiful strapless gown. I have to give it to the groom – his speech, though lengthy, was highly entertaining (believe me it had to be, I’d just stuffed three courses and it was officially nap time so keeping me awake was a huge task in itself!). I finally got a glimpse of his personality and the realisation dawned on me that this is probably why they have been together for so long (just under ten years), the key ingredient to any successful relationship? – humour and lots of it – there you have it folks, the secret is out!

Weddings are funny things, they get you to thinking about how you’d like your big day to be, what kind of food you’d like, what kind of ceremony. Me and my friends had a great laugh discussing the options. If I marry an Asian man it will have to be a rich one, as we will need two weddings, one where I can wear the traditional Asian clothing – Dark red and gold sequinned dress with all the over the top gold bling, and one where I can wear my beautiful, sleek, possibly silk cream or off white dress with more subtle silver/platinum bling! (Yes it involves a lot of bling – but I’m not a gold digger I don’t mind costume jewellery – it doesn’t have to be real to be pretty).  Apart from the wedding ring obviously – that’s gonna cost you mate, but I’m worth it! Hee hee.

If I marry a white man then that’s probably going to be cheaper as I will just have to amalgamate two weddings into one. I’m still definitely having 2 hen nights though, the Asian version with all the mendhi and dancing to Asian music (for all my friends regardless of race) and a nice little weekend away to Amsterdam or Vegas for my more traditional Hen do?!. Hee hee!

So you find yourself sitting there planning out menu’s - probably have to be curry – my male best mate has been goading me about this for years, I think he’s got to the stage where he doesn’t care what the food is any more he just wants me to meet someone and get married! Lol!!

Talk about getting totally carried away with the whole prospect (I want my mates and bridesmaids to do a dance on the way back down the aisle after we’ve said the I do’s! Lol). Then you have to reel yourself back in big time, there’s one thing missing?.................. What’s that?............. Oh yeah the groom! (Rolling of eyes) Dammit!

You read articles about women who have booked their venue and bought their dress but not met the man? I’m not that bad. I’m at an age now where the majority of my friends are married, or settled down in relationships with children. I’m not sure about the whole children thing but one thing I’m positive about, and that’s one day, I would like to get married, I would like to commit to one man for the rest of my life. Gasp.

Here within lies the biggest problem, what man can I find who can enhance my life to the extent its worth giving up my singledom??!

There are days where I’m so anti coupledom it’s scary. On fathers day recently I spent an entire five hours sunbathing in my garden and reading my book, lets be honest the sun doesn’t come out that often in the UK so you really do need to make the most of it! Besides I desperately needed to tan the white bits from my holiday and thanks to the really big fence my psycho neighbour put up, I now have the freedom to do this as no one can see into my garden – hooray.

So there I was so relaxed it was untrue, all I could think about was that had I been in a relationship this would not be a possibility – more than likely we would have had to be up early and dressed and travelling to where ever his parents live to spend the day with them.

On the other hand I do love spending time with family but probably more when we want to rather than feel like we have to. I’ve never really had too much involvement with my ex’s families. The guy I dated for 7 years was one of 6 children, which when I met him I thought was fantastic  I had visions of huge family gatherings, chatting, laughing and getting to know each other (something for obvious reasons I didn’t ever get to do when I was little). Unfortunately for me as he was Asian and I hadn’t been brought up in the “traditional” Asian sense it transpired that I was kinda the “black sheep” so I’d never really fit in, which at the time was quite crushing but when you’re young you think love can conquer all and all that matters is just the two of you. Turns out I was wrong – gasp!

Life isn’t a fairytale though is it? Look at me, I’m 37 (shush don’t tell anyone), I have a good life, I have my own place, a job I enjoy and plenty of friends and family who care about me, but I have one question – “where the hell is my knight in shining armour?” You know the one I can cuddle up to in the middle of the night and the one I can wake up next to, on a Sunday morning and enjoy a lie in with?  The one who wants to date me, not just sleep with me? The one I’m supposed to run through a field with hand in hand while escaping a huge downpour of rain from an unexpected thunderstorm to seek shelter under a tree where he pulls me into his big, strong arms (bear with me  - its only a fantasy!) for a long passionate kiss? Oh and don’t forget the music and the random passer-by’s bursting into song – its always like a musical when it’s the real thing!.

Alright so I’m pushing it a bit and expecting too much?, who knows may be I could give E L James a run for her money (may need to step it up a notch though, he’d probably have me strapped to a tree with leather restraints semi naked gasping for breath at the anticipation of the leather studded paddle etc etc – No I haven’t read it yet but it is on my list! Lol) ) Anyway on a serious note why is it so hard in this day and age to meet a normal, down to earth guy? Are all men commitment phoebes? Jesus I’m not even asking for a commitment, a proper date would be nice?

Over the last ten years I’ve met many men who I’ve liked, cared about, definitely lusted after, not sure about the whole love thing but eventually discounted for the right reasons. Even though sometimes I’ve been devastated when things haven’t worked out but I haven’t given up, I’m looking for the right man which in its essence is hard to find. I’m not looking for “Mr Right Now”, I’m looking for someone I might have a future with? I decided a long time ago that if being with a man meant my life would be a struggle both financially and emotionally than actually I’d rather struggle alone.

Why am I single? That’s simple I’ve just not met him yet.

I’m making a lot of changes this year and so far 7 months in things are moving in a positive direction. After sorting my finances and mortgage earlier in the year this has given me the freedom to resign from my Saturday job, so for the first time in nearly five years I will no longer be working 6 days a week!

I have given myself the gift of time and two weeks in I have to say I’m loving it, Friday’s have taken on a whole new meaning to me, I treasure my lie ins, I have time to actually make my bed in the morning! I can clean the car, do the gardening, clean the house, fit in an extra Boby Combat class or the gym – not that I’ve managed any of these things so far as I’ve spent the last 2 weekends away with friends and family but that’s the other thing I have more time to spend with people I care about.

I’m hoping this will also make it easier for when I meet someone as I tend to date men from out of town and the Saturday job was a bit of a hindrance to my love life, being tired all the time is not an attractive quality in a person even if it isn’t your own fault. God help the men out there I’ve got more time, so more energy and omg more bounce! Uh oh!

So with that in mind I’m off for another speed dating event, this time held in London and on a weekend – so I can’t use the excuse of work in the morning to leave early – it can only mean one thing – it could get messy! As always wish me luck!

Thank you for reading.

The month of June – All about Americanism, getting injured in the Race for Life and being kept waiting.

Hey

Ok so it’s been a month since the last blog, I can only but apologise but life just got in the way! Since the holiday (which now seems like a distant memory), so much has happened, work has been relentless but I’ve managed to mix it in with plenty of pleasure as my mate from the US was back in the UK for 2 short weeks. I don’t know what it is about her presence but suddenly anything is possible, we all, as a group, drop everything and make an effort to be sociable, We ate loads, we talked loads and we laughed a lot and I'm having serious withdrawal symptoms already!

I had her with her children and a whole group of friends and family come out to support me for the Race for Life this year, yes I did it! I was 40 seconds slower than last year and was really disappointed at the time because I went over the 30 minute mark, but 30 minutes and 30 seconds was still a good effort. I raised  £340.00 which with Gift Aid was bumped up to a whopping £425.00 so it was definitely worth it and I'd like thank everyone who supported me.

Over 2000 women ran the race that evening so as you can imagine with all their supporters surrounding the course - the atmosphere there was electric. It was amazing to have my friends to cheer me on and my god they were soooo loud as I ran past! Everyone else kinda looked over to see who the big fuss was about – it was little old me! Hee Hee. (Love you guys!)

For those of you who know me, you know how very competitive I can be (I’m getting worse as I get older!). Though to be fair I usually just race against myself and try to beat my time from last year! Even so as I struggled the last 1k of the race the vision of the girl with a big arse over taking me was incentive enough to make me sprint the last bit as I knew I’d never live it down if she beat me!.

I got my come up pence though as I injured myself! Karma’s a b1tch! To be honest I was slightly injured before the race (I reckon I did it while training for the race on holiday) but I didn’t realise it could get serious. Luckily I only managed to severely pull my hamstring in my thigh and not tear it, so even though I was in considerable pain over the next few days and it still twinges now and again, the osteopath did manage to put me back together  in 2 sessions (I kept my bra on at all times!). I was told to rest for at least a week with no exercise or I was warned I could do serious damage. Gasp.

I can’t believe how hard it is to stop exercising and relax? Does housework and gardening count as exercise? Am I allowed sex? (You know just in case it happens?!) Does going to the park and jumping on the giant tyre swing count as relaxing? I had such fun though! I love swings! Though in all honesty that did hurt my leg but I was enjoying myself too much, I’m such a big kid!

The resting paid off, my osteopath said I was a “silly cow” but luckily didn’t do too much damage. I’m even allowed to go back to combat but have to take it easy – for those of you who’ve ever done Body Combat – you’ll know there’s no such thing as taking it easy in the class, especially not in the front row (Yes I am that sad!) I’m so impatient, I can’t wait to get back to normal.

I’m finding that as I get older, I become less patient. I hate waiting, I hate queues, I’ve been known to dump my basket at Tescos and walk out because I refuse to queue 20 people deep – so much for your “one in front” policy! I’ve also been seen to drive past the petrol station with the packed forecourt even though I’m wasting petrol trying to find petrol.

Do you know the thing I hate most? The thing I hate most is waiting for a message from a man! Yep you heard me (come on you knew we’d head back towards the dating eventually?!)

In this day and age with all the different methods available for communication, is there really any excuse to keep me waiting?

In the good old days if someone wanted to call you, they could call you or, better still you usually got to see people in the flesh. Now you have a choice between phone calls, instant messages via Blackberry or hotmail, texting, skyping and email! So surely in this day and age with all these communicational tools at your fingertips what’s your excuse?

Last year I dated a guy who hated texting and he would respond to my texts with an email, this meant I spent what felt like hours of my life logging into my email account to see if he had responded? Every time I found he hadn’t it was like a further rejection? So by the time he had, I was so frustrated I’d wanna bite his head off! (Poor guy! Lol) I know people lead busy lives, I’m one of those people but a quick text (even to say am busy will call later) would suffice?

I finally gave in to technology at the end of last year and bought a Blackberry, now all my communicational worlds have come together in one place. Whether you email me to any of my 3 hotmail accounts, send me a text, send me a message on Facebook or use Blackberry messenger I will know about it instantly. I’m not sure that this is such a good thing?

For a start there is no peace and quiet and if the phone isn’t bleeping I find myself checking it at regular intervals in case I’ve missed anything? Worse still it means you are always contactable which isn’t always a good thing? There are times when I’m at home that I have no idea where my mobile is and I eventually find it to see I’ve missed a call or a text from someone who now thinks I’m ignoring them!. It’s a disturbing phenomenon.

So I’m sitting here waiting for the Hot Copper to get back to me about our potential date next week – in his defence he’s probably arresting someone as we speak. (He can handcuff me any time – hee hee)/

So how did we get here? Well it’s been a busy few weeks. Before the holiday I was talking online to a couple of men as you know, there was the personal trainer in his forties, obviously fit but also had a gorgeous smile. There was the writer/performer bloke, though I wasn’t sure if he was gonna be a bit full of himself??  I’d agreed to meet them both when I return from my holiday. Then there was the hot copper, I sent him a text before the holiday and got no reply so I assumed he’d lost interest.

While on hols I got a few texts from him, and one from a number I didn’t recognise. On my return to the UK, I responded to both. The unrecognised number turned out to be a guy I hadn’t spoken to since New Year, when he had invited me down for a NYE party – remember him? From Basingstoke, he never spoke to me or text, just randomly sent me winks whenever I was online to let me know he knew I was online? My mate suggested may be he was shy? I thought may be he was weird? Besides I don’t do shy? Well bloody nerve, contacts me after 6 months and assumes I’m still single?! The fact that I am is totally irrelevant! (Rolling of eyes!) Lol!

To be honest I wasn’t interested so I told him a little white lie – I told him that I’d just got back from holiday with my boyfriend! Well it was better then the truth? That I think you should seriously reconsider the size of your eyebrows??! I always think if you haven’t got anything nice to say, best not say anything at all!

Anyway it worked, he was really sweet and told me my boyfriend was a very lucky man. Lucky man? Seriously? God I’m such a bitch!

Systematically through out the month, potential dates succumbed to none. The personal trainer wanted to meet up one evening but because I couldn’t make it (and suggested a different date) he didn’t contact me again. (In all honesty I was having second thoughts about him as while I was on holiday he had uploaded a new picture showing his full 44 years!) So no loss there.

The successful writer/performer has disappeared too but again I wasn’t sure if we had anything in common or that I’d find him attractive (Do I have to keep making the same mistakes over and over??”)

I had also been speaking to a guy who works in security but had his profession down on the site as “security” slash “actor”, when I asked him about this he told me he had a degree in acting? Not being funny but unless you’ve “acted” in something, you can’t really class yourself as an “actor”? That would be like me saying I’m a “MD” just because I have a business degree?! He’s from North London so travel wise I’m not sure if it would work..

There was also a  guy who sent me a message and said he wished he was better looking?? Erm ok?? See that level of insecurity to me is a complete turn off, I like my men to be confident (not to the extent of arrogance – there is a fine line) but you have to like yourself otherwise why should any one else?.

So back to Mr Officer, he kept randomly sending me the same text every few days and not responding to my messages so last week I decided to take the bull by the horns and tell him to buck up or get stuffed (hot or not hot I don’t have time to mess about). I told him if he wanted to date me, then I suggested he date me because I’m not looking for a text buddy, I’m looking for a “real man!” lol! It worked! So we’ve since spoken on the phone a couple of times and been in touch on messenger so, so far so good, just gotta meet in the flesh – eek!  He seems really sweet but then don’t they all?!

On the free dating site I keep getting messages from the same men over and over, surely if I didn’t respond to the first, second or third message, I’m not interested? How many ignored emails does it take for you to get it? I’ve had to resort to blocking people just to stop wasting my time deleting emails!  Aaaaaaargh!

Anyway now that my friend has headed back to the US of A and my Race for Life is over for another year, I’m getting prepared for one of my best friend’s wedding this weekend. Once that’s all done I will join a better dating site which I will no doubt have to pay for to see if I can meet a better class of man. In the mean time who knows if the “Hot Copper” will be the one?

So I’ll leave it there for now – in case you’re wondering, still no response – has been 3 hours! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

Thanks for reading!