So the night before the big day (my mates wedding) I’m a
nervous wreck trying to get organised, I need to make sure I have everything
ready so it’s not a big rush in the morning. All I had to do was wash my hair,
wrap the present and iron my dress, what did I do? Chat to a really hot man on
messenger until I was too tired to do anything but go to bed! Doh!
Can someone please explain to me why I’m the one that’s
nervous before my friend’s wedding? I kid you not, half an hour before leaving
the house, my hand was trembling so bad I couldn’t put my lip liner on, I was
exactly the same at my last best friends wedding two years ago. We’re a group of 5 friends who met when we
worked for a travel company 14 years ago and even though we have changed jobs
many times since we have managed to keep our friendship. I’m officially the
last one left who’s not married, actually I’m the only one, who’s not got a
partner or kids and I’m the second eldest!
Eek. In recent years trying to get us all together in one place at one
time has been impossible and I think the last time this happened was at the
last wedding, With this precedent in mind I’m terrified I’ll never see them
again – no pressure!
To be honest attending weddings when you’re a single person
can be quite daunting, for those who thought weddings were the perfect
opportunity to meet someone obviously hadn’t been to one recently! You know
everybody else will be in couples. It’s also probably not easy fitting into the
table plan either? Damn my best mate who used to be my plus one, how dare you
get married and have kids and leave me to attend weddings alone?! Lol. I’m
really lucky though, as I said this was one of my friends getting married and
even though my other friends had their husbands with them, we’re all quite
close and I didn’t feel singled out.
The proceedings went without a hitch, the bride looked
stunning in her beautiful strapless gown. I have to give it to the groom – his
speech, though lengthy, was highly entertaining (believe me it had to be, I’d
just stuffed three courses and it was officially nap time so keeping me awake
was a huge task in itself!). I finally got a glimpse of his personality and the
realisation dawned on me that this is probably why they have been together for
so long (just under ten years), the key ingredient to any successful
relationship? – humour and lots of it – there you have it folks, the secret is
out!
Weddings are funny things, they get you to thinking about
how you’d like your big day to be, what kind of food you’d like, what kind of
ceremony. Me and my friends had a great laugh discussing the options. If I
marry an Asian man it will have to be a rich one, as we will need two weddings,
one where I can wear the traditional Asian clothing – Dark red and gold
sequinned dress with all the over the top gold bling, and one where I can wear my
beautiful, sleek, possibly silk cream or off white dress with more subtle silver/platinum
bling! (Yes it involves a lot of bling – but I’m not a gold digger I don’t mind
costume jewellery – it doesn’t have to be real to be pretty). Apart from the wedding ring obviously –
that’s gonna cost you mate, but I’m worth it! Hee hee.
If I marry a white man then that’s probably going to be cheaper
as I will just have to amalgamate two weddings into one. I’m still definitely
having 2 hen nights though, the Asian version with all the mendhi and dancing
to Asian music (for all my friends regardless of race) and a nice little
weekend away to Amsterdam or Vegas
for my more traditional Hen do?!. Hee hee!
So you find yourself sitting there planning out menu’s - probably
have to be curry – my male best mate has been goading me about this for years,
I think he’s got to the stage where he doesn’t care what the food is any more
he just wants me to meet someone and get married! Lol!!
Talk about getting totally carried away with the whole
prospect (I want my mates and bridesmaids to do a dance on the way back down
the aisle after we’ve said the I do’s! Lol). Then you have to reel yourself
back in big time, there’s one thing missing?.................. What’s
that?............. Oh yeah the groom! (Rolling of eyes) Dammit!
You read articles about women who have booked their venue
and bought their dress but not met the man? I’m not that bad. I’m at an age now
where the majority of my friends are married, or settled down in relationships
with children. I’m not sure about the whole children thing but one thing I’m
positive about, and that’s one day, I would like to get married, I would like
to commit to one man for the rest of my life. Gasp.
Here within lies the biggest problem, what man can I find
who can enhance my life to the extent its worth giving up my singledom??!
There are days where I’m so anti coupledom it’s scary. On
fathers day recently I spent an entire five hours sunbathing in my garden and
reading my book, lets be honest the sun doesn’t come out that often in the UK
so you really do need to make the most of it! Besides I desperately needed to
tan the white bits from my holiday and thanks to the really big fence my psycho
neighbour put up, I now have the freedom to do this as no one can see into my
garden – hooray.
So there I was so relaxed it was untrue, all I could think
about was that had I been in a relationship this would not be a possibility –
more than likely we would have had to be up early and dressed and travelling to
where ever his parents live to spend the day with them.
On the other hand I do love spending time with family but
probably more when we want to rather than feel like we have to. I’ve never
really had too much involvement with my ex’s families. The guy I dated for 7
years was one of 6 children, which when I met him I thought was fantastic I had visions of huge family gatherings,
chatting, laughing and getting to know each other (something for obvious
reasons I didn’t ever get to do when I was little). Unfortunately for me as he
was Asian and I hadn’t been brought up in the “traditional” Asian sense it
transpired that I was kinda the “black sheep” so I’d never really fit in, which
at the time was quite crushing but when you’re young you think love can conquer
all and all that matters is just the two of you. Turns out I was wrong – gasp!
Life isn’t a fairytale though is it? Look at me, I’m 37 (shush
don’t tell anyone), I have a good life, I have my own place, a job I enjoy and
plenty of friends and family who care about me, but I have one question – “where
the hell is my knight in shining armour?” You know the one I can cuddle up to in
the middle of the night and the one I can wake up next to, on a Sunday morning
and enjoy a lie in with? The one who
wants to date me, not just sleep with me? The one I’m supposed to run through a
field with hand in hand while escaping a huge downpour of rain from an
unexpected thunderstorm to seek shelter under a tree where he pulls me into his
big, strong arms (bear with me - its
only a fantasy!) for a long passionate kiss? Oh and don’t forget the music and
the random passer-by’s bursting into song – its always like a musical when it’s
the real thing!.
Alright so I’m pushing it a bit and expecting too much?, who
knows may be I could give E L James a run for her money (may need to step it up
a notch though, he’d probably have me strapped to a tree with leather
restraints semi naked gasping for breath at the anticipation of the leather
studded paddle etc etc – No I haven’t read it yet but it is on my list! Lol) )
Anyway on a serious note why is it so hard in this day and age to meet a
normal, down to earth guy? Are all men commitment phoebes? Jesus I’m not even
asking for a commitment, a proper date would be nice?
Over the last ten years I’ve met many men who I’ve liked,
cared about, definitely lusted after, not sure about the whole love thing but eventually
discounted for the right reasons. Even though sometimes I’ve been devastated
when things haven’t worked out but I haven’t given up, I’m looking for the
right man which in its essence is hard to find. I’m not looking for “Mr Right
Now”, I’m looking for someone I might have a future with? I decided a long time
ago that if being with a man meant my life would be a struggle both financially
and emotionally than actually I’d rather struggle alone.
Why am I single? That’s simple I’ve just not met him yet.
I’m making a lot of changes this year and so far 7 months in
things are moving in a positive direction. After sorting my finances and
mortgage earlier in the year this has given me the freedom to resign from my
Saturday job, so for the first time in nearly five years I will no longer be
working 6 days a week!
I have given myself the gift of time and two weeks in I have
to say I’m loving it, Friday’s have taken on a whole new meaning to me, I treasure
my lie ins, I have time to actually make my bed in the morning! I can clean the
car, do the gardening, clean the house, fit in an extra Boby Combat class or
the gym – not that I’ve managed any of these things so far as I’ve spent the
last 2 weekends away with friends and family but that’s the other thing I have
more time to spend with people I care about.
I’m hoping this will also make it easier for when I meet
someone as I tend to date men from out of town and the Saturday job was a bit
of a hindrance to my love life, being tired all the time is not an attractive
quality in a person even if it isn’t your own fault. God help the men out there
I’ve got more time, so more energy and omg more bounce! Uh oh!
So with that in mind I’m off for another speed dating event,
this time held in London and on a
weekend – so I can’t use the excuse of work in the morning to leave early – it
can only mean one thing – it could get messy! As always wish me luck!
Thank you for reading.
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