Ok so this is the third consecutive month I’ve being single, and don’t get me wrong I’ve thoroughly enjoyed a fair bit of it – once the initial crying at the unfairness of it all and the lack of respect shown from the ex had subsided and I realised I didn’t miss him as much as I thought I would, I settled into the joy of not having to look like a goddess every time he came round (especially as I didn’t see him all the time the pressure to look good was intense) The constant waxing, immacing, shaving and hair washing, colouring and straightening was quite a strain especially mixed in with the rest of my life, the gym classes and sessions, the 2 jobs, not to mention my social life and housework, it’s a miracle I didn’t have a nervous breakdown! (or get super thin??! I should be so lucky!)
It was therefore a blessed relief for a few weeks while my attitude shifted, I went on holiday, I sunbathed, I didn’t care what I ate, I drank wine a fair bit and I re-evaluated my life. I decided I needed a better balance, to slow down a bit and enjoy my time more rather than run around like a headless chicken from pillar to post. Me & Lisa had devised an action plan fuelled by copious glasses of wine no doubt (isn’t that how all good decisions are made?)
We’ve supported each other over the last few weeks to try to make sure we carry out some of what we wanted to do. So far so good.(She’s doing brilliantly and I’m very proud of her)
Me? Well I went to see a medium last week, I was very sceptical about the whole thing and I didn’t make it easy for her, I didn’t walk in and declare I’m single and I need a man, help me sort my life out!
However she pretty much had me sussed from the moment she saw me, she was quite insightful of my character, said I was a strong person, intelligent (hee hee) hard working (obviously). Being a medium she said she could communicate with people who had passed, as most of my family are on the other side she had my attention, I have to give her, her dues, she did tell me some things about my parents and my family she could not have possibly known.
She said I was obviously “fussy” when it came to men, at which point I laughed (because you all tell me that!), she said my mum had advised her of this but had said it was ok, it was good to be fussy, at which point I laughed so hard I cried! So from now on every time any of my friends or family state I’m too fussy, my standard response will be “well my mum said it was ok” You can’t argue with that!
She asked if I had time in my life for a man, at which point I told her she’d hit the nail on the head but that I did try really hard to fit them in.
She said there were men already in my life who want to be with me but I have a guard around me and am not interested in them. This is ok because she said the right man is still out there and isn’t somebody I’ve met already so this won’t be an issue. Neither will the lack of time I have available for him as he will be very understanding. She was adamant that I would know when I meet him and we would just click and everything will just fall into place (if only). So I’m now just going to relax and see what happens!...............................................
..................Well if I was a normal person that’s what I would do, not me though eh? Like I said its been three months I’m bored out of my face and soon to become a born again virgin (its not funny!). The rabbit is good but I miss cuddles!
So I went back on the site – for those of you who have never tried internet dating let me fill you in on a few facts, there’s usually a lot of men on these sites, in particular as I am using a free site there is 50 times as many people on here than other regular sites.
This means there’s 50 times as many wierdos, men who are secretly married or in a long term relationships, men who aren’t looking for “anything serious or commitment of any kind”. There are the one’s who describe themselves as “average” build, seriously have you looked in the mirror recently? Since when was “average” borderline obese? (There is an option for that, it’s called “a few extra (hundred) pounds” or if you really are a big boy (easy tiger) then there’s the “big build” option – I suggest you USE IT).
There’s the ones who’s photos were blatantly taken several years ago before the pot belly and receding hairline took hold, I assume they are aware that you may notice this if you ever end up on a date?? Eeek.
For the “occasional” smokers – I’d just like to point out this category should really be for the social smoker – you know the one who likes to light up when he’s down the pub with the lads having a few beers, watching some footie and fancies a fag, If you have to sneak out every half hour to an hour for a smoke in the garden (and you know who you are) then I hate to break this to you but you’re a smoker. Simples.
Then there are the ones who just want a text buddy (I had one who sent me over 200 texts in a weekend, shame we never got to actually meet – may be he had an annoying voice? – his photo was fit!), or an email buddy (The one who I never got to meet because he smashed his Mercedes, his mobile and his leg in an accident on the weekend before our date and ended up on crutches, (I thought that was rather extreme measures to take to get out of a date personally – he could have just said he wasn’t interested!).
Then there’s the men who want to say hi just to see if they can get your attention, you say hi back and they disappear off the face of the earth (probably married). Did they misinterpret me? Did they read between the lines? Did my “hi, how was your weekend?” subconsciously come across as “Hey, I’m desperate to ran down the aisle and start making babies?”
There was the man with a foot fetish who thought it appropriate to send an initial introductory email with “You look nice, I have a foot fetish, can I lick your feet and suck your toes?” So what no dinner or drinks?? I felt cheated.
The man who put on his profile that he liked cocking a lot, bless him I didn’t have the heart to email him to point out his spelling error. (Here’s hoping it was a spelling error).
I’ve also met a few people who have been very judgemental about the town I live in, which surprised me as surely that’s just geography? Its not where I live but who I am that should be important? After all money can’t buy class, that’s just something within you, you either have it or you don’t. I would like to believe I have it!
So not surprisingly I’m still looking! On a positive note the last 4 men I’ve dated over the last 2 years have all been from a dating site. All very different characters all very interesting and all from out of town so the possibility of meeting them randomly while out would never have occurred. I’ve had some truly funny experiences along the way too and I’ve learnt a lot about myself too.
Even though the relationships didn’t work out (obviously as I am still single) I did have a lot of laughs and I wouldn’t change a thing or discourage any one from trying, as the old cliché goes its better to have loved and lost then to not have loved at all.
On that note I will bid you farewell while I scour the internet for the next one – he is out there somewhere!
Thanks for reading
Tuesday 26 July 2011
Friday 8 July 2011
All about me!
All about me!
Hey, thought as I dedicated the last blog to Dave, I’d best do one about me!
So much has happened over the last few weeks I don’t know where to start.!
After the whole KFC thing I learnt that you can be judgemental sometimes and be spot on! Case in point was the big 4x4 which narrowly avoided blocking Herbie in at Tilgate shops (but blocked the 2 cars next to me, and it took some manoeuvring to get round it) just because the very overweight (and I’m talking obese) man couldn’t be bothered to park and walk a few extra feet, guess where he was heading? Yep you’ve guessed it the fish n chip shop! Don’t get me started. I gave his passengers the thumbs up as I drove off!
Had a “Julie” get together at mine last weekend, bbq and all, Paula did the actual bbq as she was hungry and I was taking too long! Lol! She said the “lighter gel” for the bbq wasn’t as good as “lighter fluid” and I should buy that next time, (never had an issue with it myself), half hour later she changed her mind as I relaxed with a drink and mid conversation saw out of the corner of my eye an almighty flame explode over the bbq narrowly missing Paula who’s leapt back (proper fast! Lol) and just avoided getting her eyebrows singed.
My first thought was thank god she’s ok, silly cow, her hubby would kill me if anything happened to her, my second thought was damn – hope the shed doesn’t go up and how quickly can I get to the fire extinguisher?. She came back and said actually Lighter gel’s not bad after all!! Which gave me the giggles, don’t think I’ve laughed that hard since the whole “lady garden incident” . Not sure if it was relief or hysteria! You’ll be pleased to know the rest of the evening went off without incident though we did misbehave a little bit with Dave. (the blow up doll - we have pics to prove it).
Man update – Got Andy's attention, chatted & flirted a bit on fb, lost Andy's attention but as he’s emigrating at the end of August, not sure it’s worth getting involved. I still want to ask him out for a drink though! I always want what I can’t have!
I also agreed to a date with some random man I met on line last year – plays a lot of tennis, has his own place etc etc, had forgotten what he looked like, agreed to meet him next Tues, (was being spontaneous) Then he sent me a you tube clip of himself - I can’t do it, I can’t, I can’t! Still need to go back to him to let him know some things come up! I know it’s terrible, I don’t know how I get myself into these situations.
And then there’s John, oh yes you heard me right, remember him? the man who dumped me after 5 months by EMAIL after being particularly nasty in a previous email accusing me of being clingy because I asked him to call me more than once a week when he’s away travelling.
Has the nerve to ask me how I am, whether I’ve met anyone and that he misses me???? Really??? You sure? What happened? Did my replacement get “too clingy??!” Not being funny but you could tell by her comments on fb that she was a complete psycho and I’m really glad he dated her after me because she would have made me look like a saint!! (I’m not by the way).
He still didn’t admit dating her but didn’t deny it either so that’s the best I’m going to get. I made it pretty clear that I wasn’t interested. I even told him I was sorry things didn’t work out with her and I hope he finds the right person soon – what this meant was – you lying cheating SOB I hope you spend the rest of your life miserable and alone because it’s what you deserve! Lol!
Anyhow I’m considering going speed dating next week so who knows what’s around the corner, hopefully bigger (clears throat) and better things! Will keep you updated!
Love to you all J xx
Hey, thought as I dedicated the last blog to Dave, I’d best do one about me!
So much has happened over the last few weeks I don’t know where to start.!
After the whole KFC thing I learnt that you can be judgemental sometimes and be spot on! Case in point was the big 4x4 which narrowly avoided blocking Herbie in at Tilgate shops (but blocked the 2 cars next to me, and it took some manoeuvring to get round it) just because the very overweight (and I’m talking obese) man couldn’t be bothered to park and walk a few extra feet, guess where he was heading? Yep you’ve guessed it the fish n chip shop! Don’t get me started. I gave his passengers the thumbs up as I drove off!
Had a “Julie” get together at mine last weekend, bbq and all, Paula did the actual bbq as she was hungry and I was taking too long! Lol! She said the “lighter gel” for the bbq wasn’t as good as “lighter fluid” and I should buy that next time, (never had an issue with it myself), half hour later she changed her mind as I relaxed with a drink and mid conversation saw out of the corner of my eye an almighty flame explode over the bbq narrowly missing Paula who’s leapt back (proper fast! Lol) and just avoided getting her eyebrows singed.
My first thought was thank god she’s ok, silly cow, her hubby would kill me if anything happened to her, my second thought was damn – hope the shed doesn’t go up and how quickly can I get to the fire extinguisher?. She came back and said actually Lighter gel’s not bad after all!! Which gave me the giggles, don’t think I’ve laughed that hard since the whole “lady garden incident” . Not sure if it was relief or hysteria! You’ll be pleased to know the rest of the evening went off without incident though we did misbehave a little bit with Dave. (the blow up doll - we have pics to prove it).
Man update – Got Andy's attention, chatted & flirted a bit on fb, lost Andy's attention but as he’s emigrating at the end of August, not sure it’s worth getting involved. I still want to ask him out for a drink though! I always want what I can’t have!
I also agreed to a date with some random man I met on line last year – plays a lot of tennis, has his own place etc etc, had forgotten what he looked like, agreed to meet him next Tues, (was being spontaneous) Then he sent me a you tube clip of himself - I can’t do it, I can’t, I can’t! Still need to go back to him to let him know some things come up! I know it’s terrible, I don’t know how I get myself into these situations.
And then there’s John, oh yes you heard me right, remember him? the man who dumped me after 5 months by EMAIL after being particularly nasty in a previous email accusing me of being clingy because I asked him to call me more than once a week when he’s away travelling.
Has the nerve to ask me how I am, whether I’ve met anyone and that he misses me???? Really??? You sure? What happened? Did my replacement get “too clingy??!” Not being funny but you could tell by her comments on fb that she was a complete psycho and I’m really glad he dated her after me because she would have made me look like a saint!! (I’m not by the way).
He still didn’t admit dating her but didn’t deny it either so that’s the best I’m going to get. I made it pretty clear that I wasn’t interested. I even told him I was sorry things didn’t work out with her and I hope he finds the right person soon – what this meant was – you lying cheating SOB I hope you spend the rest of your life miserable and alone because it’s what you deserve! Lol!
Anyhow I’m considering going speed dating next week so who knows what’s around the corner, hopefully bigger (clears throat) and better things! Will keep you updated!
Love to you all J xx
Saturday 2 July 2011
Spontaneous enough to take a blow up doll to a Big Brother audition? Why not?
All about Dave
My Week with Dave – turning into a month (the blow up doll – follow him on his facebook page – “follow Dave”)
Spontaneous enough to take a blow up doll to a Big Brother audition? Why not?
In his defence “follow Dave” probably had more intellect than 80% of the people auditioning that day! So off to Arsenal Emirate stadium we went – slight detour to the wrong Arsenal (Thanks Google you are no longer my friend!).
Despite slight technical difficulties inflating Dave (hadn’t used the pump for a while and had the wrong hole – don’t ask) Dave was eventually fully inflated to the delight of onlookers. So in went Lisa & Dave for their debut.
I sat outside people watching, there was a diverse mixture of cultures, backgrounds and fashion sense! I’m assuming huge platform shoes (from the baby spice fame) are coming back in?
20 minutes later I decided to follow suit and go audition as the alternative was to sit outside and it was getting cold!
We auditioned in a group of 8 or 9 if you include Dave. I spent an hour discussing whether I would get my boobs out for money (I said no and I was in the minority). One of the 20 years olds (the one who wouldn’t shut up) said I obviously had issues with my boobs, I thought that was rich coming from a 20 yr old who’d had a boob job??? Her claim to fame was that she had shagged a footballer (who will remain anonymous) Not being funny but is there anyone this man hasn’t shagged?? Lol! She made it through to the next round. We went on to discuss whether we would have sex with a complete stranger for money, I confused the interviewer as I had no objection to this, as I explained I liked sex and it was only going to involve one other person whereas getting my boobs out for everyone did nothing for me and was available to a wider audience!
So anyway after an hour of my life which I’m never getting back we were advised we were unsuccessful in our quest to get into the BB house and ultimately win the £500k! in other words we hadn’t made it to the next round, huge sigh of relief from me, I could hardly handle an hour with these people, 8 -12 weeks and I would have ended up in prison for murder! Then again I could have written a book about my experiences? Hee hee!
So we left the audition Dave slightly deflated, Lisa pleased she had tried, and me glad to be heading back to normality and a nice glass of wine!
Next began the training for the race for life, I had a really fun night getting ready with Dave, I manipulated him in different positions, doing press ups, watching telly, getting ready for bed, misbehaving and finally all dressed for the race for life with his shorts, t shirt, trainers and mp3 player. (I would like to point out that no blow up dolls were harmed during this process)
On the day it rained, and rained and rained, it was going to be a challenge this year – wish I’d done some training! Wasn’t sure if I should just put on some wellies and walk it or brave it and run. Didn’t fancy drowning.
Unfortunately for Dave an hour before the big race he got a bit over excited – or I used the pump too hard – and a decision was made that he should you remain at home and await my return, it was a family event with small children (and he was VERY excited - if you get my drift – 7 inches you know!).
I won’t lie, I found the race hard this year, after 1k my lungs were burning, 3k and I got a stitch, 4k my foot started to hurt and I wasn’t sure whether I should walk the rest of it, but I’m quite competitive and I really wanted to get round in under the half hour mark so I carried on. I did it by the skin of my teeth – 29 minutes and 52 seconds – get in! Was well chuffed.
Dave was supposed to head back that weekend but due to unforeseen circumstances is still at mine. (Think he’s having a whale of a time though, has since hosted a bbq at mine and helped with the preparations ie mowing the lawn and washing dishes, been to the pub to meet my mate for dinner – I got some looks driving home with him in the passenger seat, scared the life out of my work lot when they found him in the boot of the car waiting to surprise them and been to an Ann Summers party where he tried on some cockpit pants!
I would like to emphasize at this point that I am not having sexual relations with this doll, its just a bit of a laugh (I know many of you have your doubts! Lol) I considered lesbianism but this having sex with a doll (I’m not sure what the word is here) is a bit out there even for me!
Thanks for reading :)
My Week with Dave – turning into a month (the blow up doll – follow him on his facebook page – “follow Dave”)
Spontaneous enough to take a blow up doll to a Big Brother audition? Why not?
In his defence “follow Dave” probably had more intellect than 80% of the people auditioning that day! So off to Arsenal Emirate stadium we went – slight detour to the wrong Arsenal (Thanks Google you are no longer my friend!).
Despite slight technical difficulties inflating Dave (hadn’t used the pump for a while and had the wrong hole – don’t ask) Dave was eventually fully inflated to the delight of onlookers. So in went Lisa & Dave for their debut.
I sat outside people watching, there was a diverse mixture of cultures, backgrounds and fashion sense! I’m assuming huge platform shoes (from the baby spice fame) are coming back in?
20 minutes later I decided to follow suit and go audition as the alternative was to sit outside and it was getting cold!
We auditioned in a group of 8 or 9 if you include Dave. I spent an hour discussing whether I would get my boobs out for money (I said no and I was in the minority). One of the 20 years olds (the one who wouldn’t shut up) said I obviously had issues with my boobs, I thought that was rich coming from a 20 yr old who’d had a boob job??? Her claim to fame was that she had shagged a footballer (who will remain anonymous) Not being funny but is there anyone this man hasn’t shagged?? Lol! She made it through to the next round. We went on to discuss whether we would have sex with a complete stranger for money, I confused the interviewer as I had no objection to this, as I explained I liked sex and it was only going to involve one other person whereas getting my boobs out for everyone did nothing for me and was available to a wider audience!
So anyway after an hour of my life which I’m never getting back we were advised we were unsuccessful in our quest to get into the BB house and ultimately win the £500k! in other words we hadn’t made it to the next round, huge sigh of relief from me, I could hardly handle an hour with these people, 8 -12 weeks and I would have ended up in prison for murder! Then again I could have written a book about my experiences? Hee hee!
So we left the audition Dave slightly deflated, Lisa pleased she had tried, and me glad to be heading back to normality and a nice glass of wine!
Next began the training for the race for life, I had a really fun night getting ready with Dave, I manipulated him in different positions, doing press ups, watching telly, getting ready for bed, misbehaving and finally all dressed for the race for life with his shorts, t shirt, trainers and mp3 player. (I would like to point out that no blow up dolls were harmed during this process)
On the day it rained, and rained and rained, it was going to be a challenge this year – wish I’d done some training! Wasn’t sure if I should just put on some wellies and walk it or brave it and run. Didn’t fancy drowning.
Unfortunately for Dave an hour before the big race he got a bit over excited – or I used the pump too hard – and a decision was made that he should you remain at home and await my return, it was a family event with small children (and he was VERY excited - if you get my drift – 7 inches you know!).
I won’t lie, I found the race hard this year, after 1k my lungs were burning, 3k and I got a stitch, 4k my foot started to hurt and I wasn’t sure whether I should walk the rest of it, but I’m quite competitive and I really wanted to get round in under the half hour mark so I carried on. I did it by the skin of my teeth – 29 minutes and 52 seconds – get in! Was well chuffed.
Dave was supposed to head back that weekend but due to unforeseen circumstances is still at mine. (Think he’s having a whale of a time though, has since hosted a bbq at mine and helped with the preparations ie mowing the lawn and washing dishes, been to the pub to meet my mate for dinner – I got some looks driving home with him in the passenger seat, scared the life out of my work lot when they found him in the boot of the car waiting to surprise them and been to an Ann Summers party where he tried on some cockpit pants!
I would like to emphasize at this point that I am not having sexual relations with this doll, its just a bit of a laugh (I know many of you have your doubts! Lol) I considered lesbianism but this having sex with a doll (I’m not sure what the word is here) is a bit out there even for me!
Thanks for reading :)
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