Spontaneous enough to take a blow up doll to a Big Brother audition? Why not?

All about Dave

My Week with Dave – turning into a month (the blow up doll – follow him on his facebook page – “follow Dave”)

Spontaneous enough to take a blow up doll to a Big Brother audition?  Why not?

In his defence “follow Dave” probably had more intellect than 80% of the people auditioning that day! So off to Arsenal Emirate stadium we went – slight detour to the wrong Arsenal (Thanks Google you are no longer my friend!).

Despite slight technical difficulties inflating Dave (hadn’t used the pump for a while and had the wrong hole – don’t ask) Dave was eventually fully inflated to the delight of onlookers. So in went Lisa & Dave for their debut.

I sat outside people watching, there was a diverse mixture of cultures, backgrounds and fashion sense! I’m assuming huge platform shoes (from the baby spice fame) are coming back in?

20 minutes later I decided to follow suit and go audition as the alternative was to sit outside and it was getting cold!

We auditioned in a group of 8 or 9 if you include Dave. I spent an hour discussing whether I would get my boobs out for money (I said no and I was in the minority). One of the 20 years olds (the one who wouldn’t shut up) said I obviously had issues with my boobs, I thought that was rich coming from a 20 yr old who’d had a boob job??? Her claim to fame was that she had shagged a footballer (who will remain anonymous) Not being funny but is there anyone this man hasn’t shagged?? Lol! She made it through to the next round. We went on to discuss whether we would have sex with a complete stranger for money, I confused the interviewer as I had no objection to this, as I explained I liked sex and it was only going to involve one other person whereas getting my boobs out for everyone did nothing for me and was available to a wider audience!

So anyway after an hour of my life which I’m never getting back we were advised we were unsuccessful in our quest to get into the BB house and ultimately win the £500k! in other words we hadn’t made it to the next round, huge sigh of relief from me, I could hardly handle an hour with these people, 8 -12 weeks and I would have ended up in prison for murder! Then again I could have written a book about my experiences? Hee hee!

So we left the audition Dave slightly deflated, Lisa pleased she had tried, and me glad to be heading back to normality and a nice glass of wine!

Next began the training for the race for life, I had a really fun night getting ready with Dave,  I manipulated him in different positions, doing press ups, watching telly, getting ready for bed, misbehaving and finally all dressed for the race for life with his shorts, t shirt, trainers and mp3 player. (I would like to point out that no blow up dolls were harmed during this process)

On the day it rained, and rained and rained, it was going to be a challenge this year – wish I’d done some training!  Wasn’t sure if I should just put on some wellies and walk it or brave it and run. Didn’t fancy drowning.

Unfortunately for Dave an hour before the big race he got a bit over excited – or I used the pump too hard – and a decision was made that he should you remain at home and await my return, it was a family event with small children (and he was VERY excited - if you get my drift – 7 inches you know!).

I won’t lie, I found the race hard this year, after 1k my lungs were  burning, 3k and I got a stitch, 4k my foot started to hurt and I wasn’t sure whether I should walk the rest of it, but I’m quite competitive and I really wanted to get round in under the half hour mark so I carried on. I did it by the skin of my teeth – 29 minutes and 52 seconds – get in! Was well chuffed.

Dave was supposed to head back that weekend but due to unforeseen circumstances is still at mine. (Think he’s having a whale of a time though, has since hosted a bbq at mine and helped with the preparations ie mowing the lawn and washing dishes, been to the pub to meet my mate for dinner – I got some looks driving home with him in the passenger seat, scared the life out of my work lot when they found him in the boot of the car waiting to surprise them and been to an Ann Summers party where he tried on some cockpit pants!

I would like to emphasize at this point that I am not having sexual relations with this doll, its just a bit of a laugh (I know many of you have your doubts! Lol) I considered lesbianism but this having sex with a doll (I’m not sure what the word is here) is a bit out there even for me!

Thanks for reading :)