Broken Rabbits, FightKlub addiction and what happen's in Eygpt doesn't quite stay in Eygpt..............

Is it a coincidence that my rabbit died the week after I realised it was my longest sustained relationship I've had in the last 5 years? Probably not. It still vibrates but no longer twirls. This is not a good thing.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Did you miss me???

I can't believe its August already, I've been single for what feels like forever, I've successfully avoided my ex's facebook for nearly 3 months (harder than you'd think) I've also been free from the dating sites since March, I got sick of meeting weirdos and perverts, are there no normal men left out there? If they don't have a foot fetish, they're Christian Grey wannabes or my latest conquest? Wanting me to talk dirty to him? I'm all up for sexting when you're apart, I have no problem with that as I'm a natural flirt but mid sex? Like seriously? Isn't that a bit like hard work? You seriously want me to stop to think of something to say? Lol. Not being funny but I don't really want to take the focus off what I'm doing? For my pleasure as well as yours obviously?

He did have a fabulous job, a beautiful apartment, impeccable taste in furnishings, gorgeous ocd kitchen, super fluffy towels and even posh toilet roll (how sad is it that I notice these things?) but that's not enough is it?

In case you were wondering I didn't see him again - not just because I couldn't think of something dirty to text while washing my hair, like seriously there is a time and a place but because he showed absolutely no interest in me, I think he spent too much time loving himself and to be honest he only really had one thing going for him!

If I'm not careful I'll become a born again virgin hurtling towards 40 like there's no tomorrow! Eek! I'm already spending all my spare time decorating my house and gardening! Whatever next? Buying a cat, a cottage and becoming a spinster?.

Elsewhere on the man front its been a pretty tough year so far, I've watched men I've dated briefly or fancied from a distance all find new partners and live happily ever after. Though strangely enough the one who got married didn't bother me at all? Weird don't you think especially as I spent four years of my life with that one? I'm more bothered about the men who had no idea I liked them, the elusive ones that got away including the guy I sold a house to several years ago and managed to fall completely under his spell in a 25 minute appointment? He could talk more than me and that's not easy! I obsessed over him for months never actually building up the courage to go talk to him in my gym. As life would have it I now work out weekly with his fiancee - and she's super fit, shame about the face! Meow! Lol.

So with no man on the horizon and in all fairness no time for one I switched my focus to spending time with my friends and family and my latest exercise addiction - FIGHTKLUB!! (FK) I know I mentioned it back in November of last year but I only actually started the classes in March and I have to say it is sooo much fun. It's an adrenaline packed, thoroughly exhausting but highly enjoyable hour of your life spent kicking and punching the bejesus out of a bag. Who knew punching a bag could be this much fun? I don't know if it's the really loud music that gets my heart pumping, my best friend punching right there with me or Chrissy Harper (fitness instructor extraordinaire) shouting how many, how many, to us. Whatever it is, it is incredibly addictive and I can't get enough.

To the extent I have handed my notice in at my gym, after 7 years membership - 2 and a half years solely doing classes I've decided the time has come for a change, I'm pushing my body too hard doing 5 - 6 classes a week (3 of which are usually body combat which is a high intensity work out plus FK). Turns out my body and my bank balance can't handle it!

Obviously I can't give up the gym classes all together so as well as regular bag boxing in FK, I've joined a smaller gym and will be doing pilates and Thai bo. It means the end of Body combat after 2 and a half years. Gasp. I think it is time. (though in all honesty if it wasn't for FK which is essentially Body Combat but at the next level I would never have contemplated quitting my gym). In a strange way as I was introduced to Body Combat by my ex it's a bit like laying the ghost to rest and moving on with my life. Like I said it's time for a change.

I've also enrolled on a nutritionist and dietitian course and am considering topping this up with a personal trainer course at the same time  I want to learn how to balance the exercise with diet rather than eat as much as I do and have to work my arse off in the gym, there has to be a better balance . Hopefully by this time next year I'll have the knowledge to be able to get my body into proper shape for some serious bikini beach action!. Woohoo.

What else have I been doing? Well we had a girlie holiday in June to Egypt with 4 of my closest friends.
We had a bumpy start to the holiday as I hadn't thought to book seats online so we all ended up having to sit separately on the plane. This was followed by a row with the check in lady who was trying to persuade me to place my hand luggage in the hold luggage? I have no idea why as it was well within the weight and size restrictions but she was adamant that as it was a full flight it may be difficult to find a locker on board? Not being funny love but I was charged for having hand luggage so i'm taking hand luggage? Never mind the fact my money, passport, credit cards, insurance details, contacts, glasses and make up ie all my essential items were all in that bag and I had no padlock for it? I stood my ground and once on board found that the locker was empty any way so she stressed me out for no reason, then we had the debacle of the missing veggie meals on board? Offering a bacon breakfast at midday to a vegetarian and a Muslim?  Wasn't Monarch's finest hour!

We made it to our beautiful 5 start hotel complex in Soho Sqaure surrounded by gorgeous palm trees, a choice of 7 swimming pools, 3 bars, a gym and a Spa with a jacuzzi, hot tub and a free treatment each.

Like I said I was on holiday with 4 of my closest friends including my nutty cousin. She was hilarious, she's so excitable and gets up really, really early, so we ended up sharing a room. On the first morning there I was too scared to turn over to check the time as I could sense that any small movement from me would be enough for her to think I'm awake and start jumping up n down on the bed with excitement!

She went out to find English people to talk to on the first day and came back an hour later deflated that I had taken her to a hotel full of German's! She had no one to talk to, I laughed so hard. Obviously there were plenty of British people, it just took her a few hours to seek them out! I hardly saw her for the rest of the week!

The week started really well, I introduced my friends (all married apart from me & my cousin) to tequilla shots and then interrogated them to find out whether it's worth finding a man to marry or if i'm better off alone. The jury's still out on that one!

I enjoyed going into the Naama Bay which was buzzing with people, live acts, food stalls and shopping opportunities galore. I got to stroke a camel! We checked out the bars in town, followed by late night falafels! We spent time chatting, reading, sunbathing (me more than the others) and swimming, I even went to the gym (sad I know) we went handbag shopping and we did a lot of eating.  (whoever invented mini puds is a genius). I was quite good and avoided them for about 3 days after which I ate everything in sight! We were warned about Egypt's reputation for tummy bugs and I watched my friends take all the precautions of avoiding the salad bar, water and using hand sanitiser like there was no tomorrow while I just ate everything especially the fresh fruit and salad. I then watched my friends one by one get ill, never mind sun, sea and sex it was more like sun, sea and A & E! lol. Two of them lost a day bed ridden which was awful.

I've never spent so much time being too scared to fart in case you follow through?! I didn't have a proper dodgy stomach but as every body in the hotel around me did it made you very paranoid that you could be next! (Sorry too much detail??). I wasn't actually ill until I got back to the UK to the sanctity of my house. Thank god I live alone, that is all I'm saying!

So even though Eygpt was beautiful I probably wouldn't go back. I have a stomach of steel and for me to get ill is unheard of! I'm thinking may be Portugal next year?!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my friends who are like family to me for taking time out of their busy lives leaving their kids and hubbies at home to come on holiday with me. You know how much you all mean to me and I love you loads.

Thank you for reading :) xx

A new month, a new dating site and some new men? Why not, whats the worse that can happen?

I wonder when the novelty of writing a blog in bed will wear off? I have to say right now? I'm loving the freedom of  having a new laptop. Yes my home computer finally bit the dust, I have had it five years so I suppose we had a good run.

So here I am on a Sunday afternoon doing what I do best. Carrie Bradshaw eat your heart out! After having to cancel the record breaking, speed dating charity event, in Kent, due to snow I decided to joined a mainstream online dating site, I joined E Harmony.

At first glance its looks great, you fill out information to specify what you are looking for in a potential partner, (this bit was easy). The bit I found hard was the section about what I am not willing to compromise on and what I will not accept in a partner. This is where it got quite complex and slightly comical. I was given 30ish traits and I was only permitted to pick ten. It got to the stage where I had to choice between a partner who is openly racist or someone who is physically abusive? I mean like hello? Apart from anything else who is going to complete a form to say yes I am a racist arrogant pig and I like to beat up women??? Do the "team of psychologists" then think - oh actually I don't think this man is suited to Nosh?? Jeez.

The other downside to E Harmony is the cost, at approximately £35.00 a month it is quite expensive (they will argue this is comparable to other sites in the industry and they are not wrong), however the other sites do not expect you to pay for three months in a row upfront in one lump sum! Any one got a spare £100.00?  Also the claim on the adverts on telly that you can "review your matches for free" fails to highlight the fact that you can view their profile but not their picture and as anyone who has ever tried online dating will know, that after a few minutes all the profiles start to sound pretty much the same.

I don't want to waste my time talking to someone who I may not find physically attractive, yes that may sound shallow but you have to bear in mind that any potential boyfriend will have to be someone you're willing to jump into bed with at some stage in the future and no I don't have sex with the lights off! So yes they may have a well paid job, be well travelled and believe they have a great personality but if they're a minger its not gonna work!

So after uploading a couple of pictures and writing a brief description of myself and my interests I began the task of finding my Mr Right.  Another thing I don't like about this dating site is the complexity of it, it took me a while to find my way around the site and be able to initialise communication with its members. It took me a further couple of days to work out that people had sent me emails!

They are big believers in "guided communication" ie you send someone you're interested in an "ice breaker" trying to pick one that didn't make me sound like a twat - "you're profile made me smile" or "why don't you fill out your about me section?" made me want to vomit and besides its just not me.

I went with "do you want to chat?" which didn't really yield much response, may be they just blatantly didn't?! The next stage is "guided communication" you send your potential match 5 questions and from their answers you can decide whether you wish to take this any further. I suppose this makes sense, I mean if a guy responds that he does not believe in living together before marriage (yes that was a question) then he's insane and I'm not interested so I suppose this is good to get out of the way in the first round rather than six months down the line.

I eventually worked out how to send an email direct and it turns out that even after you do this it is up to the recipient if they are willing to accept communication in this method or prefer the guided version. WTF??? Seriously if you can't configurate an email now, how on earth are you planning on communicating with me in person?. Aaaaaaaaargh.

Anyway it turns out I did better by emailing people than sending icebreakers or guided communication and it transpires that there are some genuine and normal men out there. One of the first emails I received was titled "De ja Vu" and was from a guy I had been on a date with 18 months previously (through a free site). He was from London and we had met in Brighton for a drink but I found that I needed a drink to enjoy his company? Don't know if you guys remember? (I did blog it at the time!). Any way we never had a second date because he decided to date someone he already knew, bearing in mind he was still "friends" with his exes I assume it was one of them that didn't like the idea of him dating someone else!. So when he contacted me I thought what the hell, what's the worse that can happen?. For those of you know me well, you know I hate dating, so the prospect of dating someone I'd already met was ok for me and I thought it would help to get me back into the dating game. (It has been four months - gasp).

He wanted to meet in Brighton (as he was house sitting for his parents) and suggested we try a pub called the Old Bank which is renown for it's ribs and steak and he boasted he was gonna eat a 7oz one or something. (I'm not a huge fan of steak - it takes 2 days to get out of your system and that freaks me out but I can always find something I like on the menu).

So we met up in Brighton on a very rare, beautiful, sunny Sunday, it was the day of the half marathon so I knew the place would be buzzing. I arrived by train to be greeted by my date and was escorted to a crappy pub across the road from the station? You have to bear in mind it was nearly 3pm by now and I'd had breakfast at 9.00 so I didn't particularly need to go for a drink before going for food. It then hit me, we weren't having any food? What happened to the nice pub and the steak I'd been promised? To be honest the conversation didn't fair much better and I spent the whole time trying to work out why I didn't fancy him, may be it was because I was starving and couldn't think straight?

I got to the stage where I was now resentful that it was the first beautiful day of the year (it was actually warm in the sunshine) and instead of going for a walk to explore the town, or go to the pier or a coffee shop, I was held hostage in a dingy pub?. I would have been happy with fish and chips and a stroll on the beach? We concluded the date by agreeing to go out for dinner (really?) the following weekend but by the time I got home I had decided I couldn't bear another date so I told him I was sorry but I didn't think there was any chemistry. (That old chestnut!)

Moving on I spent a few days discounting men with big noses, big foreheads, bushy eyebrows, weird chins, believe me even I didn't realise how fussy I am.

I had some Asian guy send me an "ice breaker" I wasn't sure because I don't normally date Asian men as I find them quite "guarded" and I'm so out of touch with the culture it makes dating weird. I thought no, I'm gonna make an effort, I'm hurtling towards 40 and may be an Asian guy is the way to go? I was wrong! I sent this guy a casual, hi how's your weekend email and FOUR days later he responded with "ok how's yours?" Well I don't know it was four days ago, I've moved on and I'm planning this weekend now! Any way I responded by asking him, how long he had been single, how long he'd been on the site and how he was finding it. To me, this is basic communication, giving the person something to say and an opportunity to ask me about myself. Also you can tell a lot about a person by how honest and upfront they are.

Three days later he responded with "So many question I don't know where to start...............

Literally?! That was it? How about answering one of them? How about asking me something you twat????!! I admit I lost my temper and decided he was such a time waster I was going to respond to tell him that I'm looking for a man who can communicate and I think we are wasting our time but that I wished him luck anyway.

He went mental!. He sent me a message saying and I quote "Love, sorry to rain on your parade but I'm actually very communicative but only with those who I can be bothered with and find vaguely attractive, unfortunately you fall short in both catergories"

OMG - Erm yeah. To be honest I think this was quite nasty but I'm comfortable with who I am and what I have to offer so he didn't phase me. So here's a bit of advice to all men out there, if you're not interested in someone on a dating site, don't contact them, its that simple really? As for this gem of a man all I have to say is that his profile picture was black and white (enough said) Also even though this blatantly showed an Asian man, he had catogorised himself as Caucasian. I'm working on the assumption that he wasn't thick (though anything is possible). He probably don't do Asian girls? Or may be I just wasn't his type, so do us all a favour and do one you moron!. I did respond with a basic, OMG you joined a dating site to be rude to women? and politely asking him never to contact me again. Another problem with E Harmony is that you can not block a member and stop them from contacting you. (He didn't thank god) but this could easily have got nasty.

Moving on, I've since be chatting to a couple of guys (neither of them Asian) both from London, both quite different with their approach and interests and I've decided to go on a date with both of them!

The first is a 36 year old retail buyer from Kingston, cheeky, flirty and has a gorgeous smile. He's into BMF (British Military Fitness) so fit! He seems a lot of fun, my only concern is that he seems to spend a lot of time out with various groups of friends having a drink but then again I do the same so we shall see.

The second is a 40 year old who has recently changed career from the IT industry to Psychotherapy (Will I EVER learn??? Obviously not, I'm destined to keep making the same mistakes over and over and wonder why it never works out but lets not be hasty here, may be this one won't be quite as f*cked up as the others??). He is also training for a half marathon, does a bit of boxing and has heard of Les Mills (and even done a class - yippee).

Any way due to unforeseen circumstances I'm now going on 2 separate dates, two days in a row, which I suppose might be quite useful as you can compare the two quite easily?.

This is the best time in dating, the bit when you are communicating but you haven't actually met yet, any thing is possible, one of them could be the one, who's to know?.

I'll leave it there for now as I prepare for a busy week. Wish me luck (I may need it!). Thank you for reading :) xx

From an expanding backside to a pregnancy scare to a late night cabaret show, there’s never a dull moment in NoshWorld. Happy New Year!

You wanna know what kind of week I’ve had? I’ve had the kind of week where the zip on my skirt keeps undoing itself at regular intervals. Blatantly I had one too many mince pies over Christmas? My arse is now soooo huge my skirt can’t contain it! Awesome!

Getting back into salad for lunch at work was a shock to the system as I’d been stuffing my face while I was off over Christmas and New Year. My body was like “What the fuck is this??? “Where’s my carbs???” “Where’s the bread???!” – Obviously all over my arse but lets not dwell on this!

Thankfully the skirt drama occurred the day after the pregnancy scare had been swiftly diverted because believe me, had my skirt done this little trick the day before, I would have been hysterical!

Note to self, don’t ask 4 friends whether it is possible to be pregnant even though you had your last period a few days after the last time you had sex. I had 2 “yes it is possible” and 2 “no not likely”. Dammit! For the record I wasn’t being a drama queen, I was 10 days late by this stage (and I’m never late). By my calculations (and I am in accounts so bear with me) that would make me approx 6 – 7 weeks gone, so surely you’d know by now?

Who’s the daddy? Fuck knows – its not that I put it about a lot, I hasten to add, its just I kinda slept with 2 different men in the space of a week, in my defence I am single and it was my birthday!

I suppose you’d have to wait and see, as it gets bigger if you can feel karate kicks/yoga moves and you’re simultaneously craving bean burgers, it could be my vegetarian ex’s?  Or equally badly, if the baby’s doing the highland fling in there and I’m craving haggis, then its gotta be the Scottish guy? Either way thankfully this little fantasy/nightmare was nipped in the bud by a cheapo pregnancy test bought from Sainsbury’s and carried out in the work toilets at lunch time. (Would have been an interesting afternoon had it gone the other way!)

Anyway 2013 has arrived with a bang! Happy New Year to you all! Despite an eye watering credit card bill 3 days before New Year (thanks Capital One) I still managed to see in the New Year with a blast. I took the unprecedented decision to avoid the nightclubs (gasp) and the drink (double gasp) and to drive to see a few of my friends and see the New Year in with people I care about rather than with a bunch of strangers. So when the clock struck midnight I was surrounded by some of my favourite people whom I’ve known for over 20 years and I have to say, it felt great!

New years resolutions were simple, get control of my finances by writing down all expenditure in my diary on a daily basis (so far so good). Also make a list of all tasks to be achieved on a daily basis in the diary so I don’t have to try to remember everything all the time (Helps me sleep) Stop sleeping with my ex’s to avoid any further pregnancy scares (so far so good). Put in extra hours at work to maximise potential of hitting my targets (we shall see). Write the blog on a more regular basis so it’s not a 10 page essay! (judge for yourself) Lastly do more fun stuff with my weekends and try not to feel guilty at missing the odd exercise class.

Well I’m off to a good start there! Friday night I ended up in London to see a midnight cabaret show at the Hippodrome casino with a couple of people from work and my fabulous nephew. It was great fun, I’m always amazed at the level of talent some people have. There was plenty of acrobatics, a backwards strip (weird but fascinating). The guy who was balancing upside down on a tray on top of five or six flat lying glass bottles on a table - while they rolled side to side? Scary!

There was the sword swallowing lady in a rubber suit (I couldn’t quite work out if her ample arse was real or a fake booty!). She was a bit extreme especially as she chopped up a cucumber mid air with the sword! There was the multi hula hooping Elvis impersonator,  I was surprised that he didn’t have a hotter body because hula hooping is an amazing work out and really hard to do – believe me I’ve tried it. You can tone with just one, while he was using up to 10-15 in the end which was visually stunning.

My favourite was the mime who acted out famous songs through facial impressions (which were hysterical) and hand gestures? (quite rude but very funny).  He had me laughing throughout. The host was also quite funny and started on my nephew who was brilliant and took the banter in his stride, my work mate was well impressed! Just as well really as we were sat right up next to the stage so were laying ducks! I was gutted when the show was over as I felt like I didn’t want to leave London yet. Obviously it had nothing to do the huge level of totty in the casino! Definitely a recommendation for a pulling ground for next time? (Huge sigh).

This week I’ve booked tickets to go to see “Salad Days” at the Riverside theatre so I’m quite excitable. Let’s just hope the snow stays away so I can get there.

On the exercise front Body Combat 54 was launched last week and I was elated when our Monday night instructor Steve surprised us all by knowing the new routine (he’s usually a couple of weeks behind). The elation was fastly contradicted by the realisation that damn, BC54 is hard! Also I was pleased to see that they have fitted in a new cxworx class in the New Years timetable so I can now get this awesome core workout too! Perhaps a new body in time for my summer holiday?. Let’s hope so!

On the movie front - I did something amazing - for the first time ever I went to watch a movie all on my own – gasp (it was during the day on my day off!) It wasn’t because I couldn’t find someone to go with, it was because I couldn’t be bothered to try to fit it around any one else at short notice. So off I went, bought a big cup of tea and some toasted fruit bread from Starbucks and watched Pitch Perfect which was brilliant! I really enjoyed it and I was pleased to see that I wasn’t the only one on my own in there! It was weird walking out on your own though but other than that I thoroughly enjoyed myself and would totally recommend it!. (The movie and the going alone).

I went to see Jack Reacher with my cousin which was very good and I enjoyed it even though I’m not a huge Tom Cruise fan. Apparently if you’ve read the book you may be disappointed but I think that’s a given with any film based on a book as no film can ever compete with a book readers imagination. (Though I’m hoping 50 shades will!).

We also saw – “Playing for Keeps” but I didn’t really think much of the story? It’s like they spent so much money on a star studded cast they forgot about the storyline?. Sorry Gerard Butler!

Elsewhere in NoshWorld I have been watching a fair bit of dating television. Did any one notice the guy on “Take Me Out” who had a blatant love bite on his neck???! It was really funny because it disappeared after the break – amazing what a bit of concealer can achieve!

The Love Machine is back though I was disappointed that the men in the audience were hotter than the men in the machine! (Not that I’m fussy or anything!).

I was beyond excited at the second series of “The Undateables” I saw the first episode last week and though not as good as the first series, it did concern me that these people believed all their problems would be resolved just by meeting someone and that being in love was everything to them? May be I’m just a 30 something cynic but to me a relationship is never the answer to all your problems. It may solve a few but from experience I’d expect a whole new host of them! The guy who’s tourettes got out of control after he was dumped by his long term girlfriend says he can control it better when he’s in a relationship and happy, made me wonder why he can’t be happy single and control it that way?. Surely its psychological warfare to pin your entire future happiness on having something which is basically out of your control?.

  

Though I did think the guy with autism who went speed dating with a bagful of business cards was a genius! Why have I never thought of that? Lol!

I also watched Channel Four’s “Secret to a good marriage” (which to me is surely a good man?). Apparently in one of the cases the secret was for the woman to know her place – nice. She had basically given up on all her rights to make decisions etc for a peaceful life and she seemed ok with this. I wanted to knock her husband out, but then that’s just who I am!

I was shocked by the man who said that it was every man’s fantasy to date an older woman, which is fair enough but this woman was 32 years older than him and he met her when he was 18?  Then again what do I know? They’ve been happily in a relationship for 13 years! Though she did come across a bit of a mother figure and the thought that they sleep together made me quite quesy!

Then there was the woman who’s secret to a good marriage was infidelity? Really? She said her husband was aware of her affairs and he wasn’t interested in sex so accepted the fact she had to get it elsewhere? She was adamant it’s not cheating if your husband knows about it? Erm sorry I have to disagree!

They said it was normal for sex to cease in a marriage? The went on to say if you put a penny in jar for every time you had sex in the first year of a marriage and then took out a penny for every time you had sex in subsequent years the jar would never be empty? OMG! To me I don’t see the point of getting married if it means I’ll never get to have sex again? Why do we spend all this time and energy on trying to find the right person to spend your life with if at the end of it you have to give up sex? I don’t want to do that, like ever!

Moving swiftly on, I’ve not given up on dating but not much to report on the dating front at the moment other than I’ve made the decision to come off the free dating site which I have concluded is full of weirdo’s and men just wanting attention through email or just wanting sex. (Point proved New Years day when the guy I’d been speaking to agreed to a date and then disappeared with my phone number without sorting out the details). I intend to join a proper paying site possibly next month after I’ve done some research into the pros and cons of the different sites.

In the meantime I am attending a Kent based dating site’s birthday celebrations next weekend, where they are attempting to hold a record breaking speed dating event (300 dates) for charity! I’m quite excited though I have no idea how it will all work as there are no age restrictions but suddenly the thought of printing out several business cards doesn’t seem like such a bad idea!

Wish me luck, I may need it! Have a good week all :) xx