My experience with the medium & the perils of internet dating (26/07/11)

Ok so this is the third consecutive month I’ve being single, and don’t get me wrong I’ve thoroughly enjoyed a fair bit of it – once the initial crying at the unfairness of it all and the lack of respect shown from the ex had subsided and I realised I didn’t miss him as much as I thought I would, I settled into the joy of not having to look like a goddess every time he came round (especially as I didn’t see him all the time the pressure to look good was intense) The constant waxing, immacing, shaving and hair washing, colouring and straightening was quite a strain especially mixed in with the rest of my life, the gym classes and sessions, the 2 jobs, not to mention my social life and housework, it’s a miracle I didn’t have a nervous breakdown! (or get super thin??! I should be so lucky!)

It was therefore a blessed relief for a few weeks while my attitude shifted, I went on holiday, I sunbathed, I didn’t care what I ate, I drank wine a fair bit and I re-evaluated my life. I decided I needed a better balance, to slow down a bit and enjoy my time more rather than run around like a headless chicken from pillar to post. Me & Lisa had devised an action plan fuelled by copious glasses of wine no doubt (isn’t that how all good decisions are made?)

We’ve supported each other over the last few weeks to try to make sure we carry out some of what we wanted to do. So far so good.(She’s doing brilliantly and I’m very proud of her)

Me? Well I went to see a medium last week, I was very sceptical about the whole thing and I didn’t make it easy for her, I didn’t walk in and declare I’m single and I need a man, help me sort my life out!

However she pretty much had me sussed from the moment she saw me, she was quite insightful of my character, said I was a strong person, intelligent (hee hee) hard working (obviously). Being a medium she said she could communicate with people who had passed, as most of my family are on the other side she had my attention, I have to give her, her dues,  she did tell me some things about my parents and my family she could not have possibly known.

She said I was obviously “fussy” when it came to men, at which point I laughed (because you all tell me that!), she said my mum had advised her of this but had said it was ok, it was good to be fussy, at which point I laughed so hard I cried! So from now on every time any of my friends or family state I’m too fussy, my standard response will be “well my mum said it was ok” You can’t argue with that!

She asked if I had time in my life for a man, at which point I told her she’d hit the nail on the head but that I did try really hard to fit them in.

She said there were men already in my life who want to be with me but I have a guard around me and am not interested in them. This is ok because she said the right man is still out there and isn’t somebody I’ve met already so this won’t be an issue. Neither will the lack of time I have available for him as he will be very understanding. She was adamant that I would know when I meet him and we would just click and everything will just fall into place (if only). So I’m now just going to relax and see what happens!...............................................

..................Well if I was a normal person that’s what I would do, not me though eh? Like I said its been three months I’m bored out of my face and soon to become a born again virgin (its not funny!). The rabbit is good but I miss cuddles!

So I went back on the site – for those of you who have never tried internet dating let me fill you in on a few facts, there’s usually a lot of men on these sites, in particular as I am using a free site there is 50 times as many people on here than other regular sites.

This means there’s 50 times as many wierdos, men who are secretly married or in a long term relationships, men who aren’t looking for “anything serious or commitment of any kind”. There are the one’s who describe themselves as “average” build, seriously have you looked in the mirror recently? Since when was “average” borderline obese? (There is an option for that, it’s called “a few extra (hundred) pounds” or if you really are a big boy (easy tiger) then there’s the “big build” option – I suggest you USE IT).

There’s the ones who’s photos were blatantly taken several years ago before the pot belly and receding hairline took hold, I assume they are aware that you may notice this if you ever end up on a date?? Eeek.

For the “occasional” smokers – I’d just like to point out this category should really be for the social smoker – you know the one who likes to light up when he’s down the pub with the lads having a few beers, watching some footie and fancies a fag,  If you have to sneak out every half hour to an hour for a smoke in the garden (and you know who you are) then I hate to break this to you but you’re a smoker. Simples.

Then there are the ones who just want a text buddy (I had one who sent me over 200 texts in a weekend, shame we never got to actually meet – may be he had an annoying voice? – his photo was fit!), or an email buddy (The one who I never got to meet because he smashed his Mercedes, his mobile and his leg in an accident on the weekend before our date and ended up on crutches, (I thought that was rather extreme measures to take to get out of a date personally – he could have just said he wasn’t interested!).

Then there’s the men who want to say hi just to see if they can get your attention, you say hi back and they disappear off the face of the earth (probably married). Did they misinterpret me? Did they read between the lines? Did my “hi, how was your weekend?” subconsciously come across as “Hey, I’m desperate to ran down the aisle and start making babies?”

There was the man with a foot fetish who thought it appropriate to send an initial introductory email with “You look nice, I have a foot fetish, can I lick your feet and suck your toes?” So what no dinner or drinks?? I felt cheated.

The man who put on his profile that he liked cocking a lot, bless him I didn’t have the heart to email him to point out his spelling error. (Here’s hoping it was a spelling error).

I’ve also met a few people who have been very judgemental about the town I live in, which surprised me as surely that’s just geography? Its not where I live but who I am that should be important? After all money can’t buy class, that’s just something within you, you either have it or you don’t. I would like to believe I have it!

So not surprisingly I’m still looking! On a positive note the last 4 men I’ve dated over the last 2 years have all been from a dating site.  All very different characters all very interesting and all from out of town so the possibility of meeting them randomly while out would never have occurred. I’ve had some truly funny experiences along the way too and I’ve learnt a lot about myself too.

Even though the relationships didn’t work out (obviously as I am still single) I did have a lot of laughs and I wouldn’t change a thing or discourage any one from trying,  as the old cliché goes its better to have loved and lost then to not have loved at all.

On that note I will bid you farewell while I scour the internet for the next one – he is out there somewhere!

Thanks for reading