Too many dates, too little time and since when did shagging on the second date become the norm???!

Ok so another month has flown by and the theme for February was “Second Dates.”  Statistically speaking I dated 3 guys over a period of 6 weeks (not at the same time I hasten to add).

What did I learn? I learnt that there’s nothing like going on several dates to push a Single girl over the edge, desperate for some “Me Time” Lol!

On the way back from the “not so successful” weekend with “Portsmouth Guy” I got a call from “Clapham Guy” determined to make up for cancelling a previous first date, so hoping to be third time lucky I had a couple of hours kip, got dressed and drove to the station to meet him.

He was 6ft tall, dark hair, medium build, good looking, charming and genuinely funny without “trying” too hard. He worked in Sales and showed up with an enormous bouquet of flowers! Good start!  He was fours years younger than me but as I’m always being told, age is only but a number?! Besides I’d already dated someone my age and someone 4 years older in the last month so hell, why not a Toy Boy?!

I had my reservations as we had briefly spoken on the phone before the date and I didn’t think we had much in common. He was into extreme sports and I had advised him that Body Combat was not classed as one! He liked mountain biking (I can’t ride a bike) He liked swimming (I don’t swim well) and he liked rock climbing, I explained to him that I get dizzy standing on a chair!

None of that bothered him and he seemed determined to get to know me more. So after a highly entertaining first date where I was relieved that the conversation flowed easily and we had a laugh, I agreed to a second one.  That’s when it all started to go wrong!

Some of this was my fault, I was having a particularly hard time at work (I had taken on a new role which coincided with my company initiating a massive acquisition which is fantastic for the future of the company but it doubled my workload and it didn’t help that we were a staff member down).

Determined to do well and make a good impression on my boss I was finding juggling work, with the gym classes and dating, a bit of a struggle. I had got to the stage where I was starting to get a bit resentful of having to give up my weekends and evenings to go on dates with different men. All I wanted to do was to have one day off, just to myself to do whatever I fancied, even if that was to sit in my pjs and watch back to back episodes of CSI!

His persistent manner was starting to get on my nerves; I seemed to end up doing what he wanted all the time. This resulted in me finding myself in a position I was not entirely comfortable with when he ended up spending the night at my house on the second date..

I kind of couldn’t get out of it, without sounding totally unreasonable? He was due to go see his sister the following day and she only lived a few miles away from me, so I suppose it didn’t make sense for him to go back to London that night and come back the next day? However he could always have gone and stayed at hers? 

It also didn’t help that he was not well and spent the entire night tossing and turning because he could not sleep, any normal person would have gone downstairs or in to the spare room? (I’m being too harsh aren’t I? lol).

The next day I went into work exhausted and was not impressed as my Saturday job involves driving all day which is dangerous when you’re tired. This also put a slight dampener on my plans for the evening as I was too tired to fully enjoy the company of some of my dearest friends when we met up for dinner.

What irritated me further was that he wanted to meet up first thing Sunday morning? When I explained that I would prefer to meet at lunch time as I really wanted a lie in (it’s my only day off) he was quite manipulative with his reasoning as to why we couldn’t do this?. Unfortunately for him, by this stage I’d had more than enough so I postponed the third date until the following weekend. This resulted in a rather uncomfortable phone call on the Sunday where he “tried” to persuade me to change my mind. I had woken up with a migraine (I wonder why) and was starting to feel quite nauseous so I refused.

Also I found it exasperating that he liked to be “spontaneous” rather than “plan” anything for a date which was basically code for we didn’t do anything just spend all our time at my place? Why? I want to go out and do stuff, get to know each other, go on some proper dates, and do things as a couple? Have some fun? Isn’t that what dating is all about?

So when it transpired that he expected the third date to last the entire weekend (from the minute I get home from work Saturday till probably the time I left for work on the Monday) I realised that I felt totally suffocated and I did the unthinkable…………………........................................................................   I dumped him by text – Gasp!  In my defence we had only been on 2 dates (and I hadn’t shagged him) and if I thought I could have talked to him, without him talking me out of it, I would have called him!

So another one bites the dust! I have to say once I’d done this I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I felt so much more relaxed. I obviously made the right decision as to be honest if I had really liked him I would have wanted to spend all my time with him surely?

I know you shouldn’t compare people you meet to people you have dated in the past but this is harder than you think. Sometimes it’s good to compare? For example the last few men I had relationships with, I was really excited about the second date and was really comfortable throughout, there was no awkwardness, and it was just easy. Surely that’s how it should be? I know they didn’t work out but surely that’s the starting step in any relationship? Or is that too much pressure at this stage? 

I don’t know what’s happening to men nowadays? They seem so needy, clingy and desperate for attention? It’s a bit like they’ve hit an age, realised that their mates are settling down and having babies and with this in mind and pressure from their mums (both Portsmouth & Clapham admitted to this) are looking for someone to settle down with. They are rushing in without rationalising their actions?.

May be I’m over analysing here but what’s strange is that there is a whole new breed of “man” out there who analyse more than us girls do?  Portsmouth Guy was quite insecure about the second date because he knew I had been on a second date with someone else the week before?  He was like “well you didn’t see him again after the second date and you could do that to me?” My response was well I suppose so but isn’t that what dating is all about? Getting to know each other to see if you gel? I don’t go on a second date with the premise that I won’t see this person ever again? However I also do not agree to date 2 and 3 before date one? Believe me the last 3 guys have tried to work this arrangement????! What is that all about?

Then there’s the whole sex thing? Since when did shagging on a second date become the norm?

What’s the rush? Where’s the fire? Am I being old fashioned? The games the guys will play and the manipulation they will use to try to get their own way is truly genius! To the guy who told me I had amazing will power – truth be known you weren’t doing anything to turn me on! Meow! Lol!

Please tell me if I’m being a prude here?  Should you jump into bed with someone you’ve just met? Some people think it’s a good way to get close to someone. (I’m not one of these people!)  I suppose it’s a good way of finding out certain things about the guy – ie does he keep his socks on during sex?  I remember shagging a certain someone who kept his T shirt on? I was like “take it off take it off” which he did to reveal a really hairy back, I was like put it back on, put it back on! Lol!

Its ok I did continue to date him for 6 months as he had a six pack and had amazing arms! Lol!  (Actually that’s unfair he had a Masters degree and was very talented in many ways!)  He also did get his back waxed and no I didn’t make him do it!

Also as a general rule I don’t kiss on a first date, now I know this sounds like a lot of rules (there is a reason why I’m single!) The reason for this is that I’m petrified at the thought of going on a first date, if I had to consider the idea that I may have to kiss someone too I would not get out of the house, you would find me under my duvet!

Admittedly I did date a guy a few years ago and we had got to date 3 or 4 and hadn’t even snogged? That was a nightmare! The longer we left it the worse it got! I was starting to resign myself to the fact that it just might never happen!  I think the problem was that we had been out for each date and I’m not really into snogging in public. It turned out I had nothing to worry about and he was a great kisser! Woohoo!

So out of my 3 recent second dates, I had one I just didn’t want to snog, one who asked me if he could kiss me and one that jumped me? Seriously MEN!

So I do believe all three men came away thinking I was totally frigid which made me giggle!

So I went back to the dating site to see what else was on offer.

There was the 38 year old 5ft 6 Asian God (Sooooo not his real picture!) He had completed his profile to say he lived in the “Land of Paradise” Really? Is that within 30 miles of me because I don’t really fancy travelling too far for a date?!  He had written “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh” about himself and wanted to take me (or any female really) to bed on a first date. Awesome! Lets do it! Not.

There was the man who had a carpet shop in Woking and told me this in his introductory email; actually this is all he told me about himself??? – I do need new carpets but I thought better of it.

The guy who looked like a mass murderer in his pics! (I watch too much Criminal Minds!) May be if he smiled it would make him look more personable?

There was an alright looking guy but he had issues with sleeping? I was going to google the exact term that he used but what’s the point? I love my sleep and am a moody cow if I don’t get any! So it would never work!

There was the fat, ugly, old man who sent me an email asking me if I could send him some lezzie pics? I sent him a reply saying “excuse me?” he didn’t have the balls to respond! Lol!

The guy with the email that was 3 pages long telling me how beautiful I was and how perfect we would be together as a couple. Funny that because didn’t you send me the exact same email last month? You obviously like to copy and paste? Busted!!

Lastly there was the guy that made me gasp – and not in a good way! In his profile he said he was looking for a 36-32-34 body with a zero IQ and then had the nerve to email me! Yeah I was sooooo offended I couldn’t even come up with a response to that one! Lol!

So yeah I’m still out there, though I am taking a few weeks off from dating to chill out and spend some time with my friends and family. Who knows what’s around the corner. I’ll keep you updated.

Thank you for reading.