Dating shows, dating etiquette and all manners of inappropriate behaviour!.

So the theme for March was “Me Time” I kept my new years resolution – to slow down the pace and enjoy my time when I’m not working. So I’m doing just that, after having fed the ducks in my local park, I’m sitting here on a bench writing the blog in the April sunshine surrounded by woodland.

I haven’t been dating this month, I've been sorting out my finances and concentrating on my work and its finally starting to pay off, so hopefully I can soon start to concentrate on the last bit of the jigsaw – finding a decent man!.

I’ve been watching dating shows for inspiration or mainly because they are fast becoming my guilty pleasure! “The Love Machine” is the newest dating game showing on Sky Living. You spin the wheel, land on a man or woman and decide whether you want to ditch or date? You then get to meet them on the stage, answer a few questions and decide if you want to take them on holiday and see how you get on or ditch them for a final spin of the wheel?. 

It’s obviously all based on looks and first impressions as the contestants don’t get to speak. It’s hilarious the things people get rejected over, the size of their noses, their height, chest hair, too much make-up, too much hair gel, then there was the girl who ditched her date at the last minute because he was a Libra????!

Then again I can’t talk I’ve dismissed guys because they wear big gold chains, have bushy eyebrows or are overweight.

There was the guy who was very picky and went on and on about how looks didn’t matter and he was only interested in the women’s personalities which made me laugh. Erm mate you’re on the WRONG show!!  You don’t know anything about the women, all you can do is judge on appearance and first impressions?.

He then went on to discount every women on her clothing – too loud, too dressy, too much cleavage, too short, too bright, too clubby, the list went on and on.  Got me to thinking about first impressions, I know you shouldn’t make snap judgements based on looks or profiles, but let’s be honest, we all do it?

What do you wear on a first date? I’ve read articles stating you must not wear strapless or low cut tops (referring to the women obviously, I suppose if a man showed up in a strapless top I’d be pretty freaked out?). They say not to be too overdressed or under dressed? I personally think if its gonna go one way or the other I’d much rather be overdressed any day of the week, because you know it ladies you can always rock the look! For the men in any doubt you’ll always look hot in a suit! (Hubba hubba)

It also said that you shouldn’t be afraid to show off your shape just not too provocatively or in a “bondage” way – so I can’t wear my PVC top and mini skirt then???. Shame!

I think you should wear what you feel most comfortable and confident in as dating is nerve racking enough on its own. I tend to dress dependent on the weather so if the sun is shining I will probably show up in a skirt and top, if it’s raining or snowing I’ll be in jeans! Unless we are going to a restaurant then I’ll probably be in a dress.

I always try not to flash too much cleavage; I think that’s better left for the second date! I dread to think what that bloke would have said about my outfits!

I sometimes wish I’d taken more time making judgements and then may be I wouldn’t have dated the guys I did recently? Then again you have to draw the line somewhere and give people a chance or you could miss out on a good thing. Hindsight’s a bitch!

I also watched “The Undateables” last week, it was fascinating. I found the programme and the people featured totally inspirational, they had a multitude of obstacles working against them but they were still optimistic and determined to find love and had joined an "introduction agency". For that alone they deserve respect.

The guy with Tourettes was my favourite, he did stand up comedy routines and didn’t take himself too seriously. He did make me giggle though with words like “whore” and “bitch” and “She’s a squirter”, I pissed myself when the lady from the dating agency showed up to meet him and he shouted “fat slag” lol! That would be enough to give you a complex surely?!

They set him up on a date with a really pretty, young and bubbly receptionist who was fantastic, she was disappointed that he didn’t swear more as she was oblivious at how hard he was trying not to! He called her a “slut” at one point and she smiled and went ”Well thank you”.  She was brilliant and they got on so well. Call me an old romantic but I really hope things work out well for them.

There was also the 3ft 11 lady whose ideal man was over 6ft and preferably a policeman? (And you call me fussy???!).

Then they had the guy with Asperger’s (which is a form of autism). He was hard work! The dating agency found him a date but he kind of lost it half way through and started to eat her dinner? Lol! I don’t think she knew what to do? In the end she was like, “I have to go now” and got her coat and left!  They then set him up with a French lady with a very strong accent who liked “hoeing?” (Seriously I spat my tea everywhere) she meant “rowing” but her accent was very strong!. They got on really well but in the end he rejected her because he said there was no chemistry???!

He did give me some food for thought (the whole eating her dinner bit) on inappropriate behaviour on a first date? I would be flabbergasted if someone did that to me, I’m a bit like Joey in “Friends” Nosh does not share food! (I can share starters and may be dessert – at a push but the main course is MINE lol!).

Rules on things “not” to do on a first date include, getting drunk (a hard one for me as 2 glasses of wine and I’m well merry – and a cheap date!). The guy I dated earlier in the year thought I was hilarious on the one glass and couldn’t wait to see what I’d be like after two! (I was driving though so he never got to find out!).

Other things deemed “wrong” include, being late – unless you have a really good reason and you let your date know you’re running late.

Being hung over – been there and done that – never again – no I didn’t get a second date! He said there was no chemistry which wasn’t surprising as I’d had 2 hours sleep and was semi comatose through out!!

The biggest No No?  Taking/making a call during the date or texting. Clapham guy said he’d been out for dinner where his date was looking up other men on the dating site on her phone DURING their date! Lol! OMG!! Seriously??? (If you’re gonna do it, be more discreet for god’s sake!).

Then there’s inappropriate behaviour in the workplace. I remember working with a guy who thought it appropriate to fart loudly in the office??! He usually timed this with our lunch breaks or just as I was contemplating having my sandwich, on a plus note he was a brilliant diet aid? In the end my poor boss had to take him into an office to explain the intricacies of office etiquette. It simple go fart in the toilets!

Then there’s people who smell bad and I mean bad, I walked past a security van driver in the High Street the other day and seriously had to hold my breath, if he smells that bad in public what must it be like to sit in a van with him for 12 hour shifts? How does his wife let him out of the house like that???!

My friend who works at a supermarket told me about the janitor who got sacked recently as he thought it appropriate to pee in public while at work? (even if it was first thing in the morning!) They have toilet facilities? You really didn’t need to pee by the recycling bins?? Eeeew.

I used to work with a lady who’s other half liked to drink so much that he would do the most bizarre things including peeing into a 7up bottle and then leaving it on the breakfast counter and passing out on the sofa. Personally I’d be emptying the contents of the bottle over him while he’s still on the sofa (after I’d pulled it out on to the street with a little help from my friends) before disposing of the sofa and him at the same time. Double Eeewww.

I think the worse I’ve had to put up with was when I dated a smoker – not my personal preference but he had other assets I was willing to overlook the smoking for (clears throat) but there were times when it really was like snogging an ashtray which isn’t particularly pleasant. However he was stopped fast in his tracks when he decided to try to snog me straight after a curry (with onions) and a fag, I explained that even though I love onions, I’m not fond of regurgitated ones mixed with ash in my mouth – thanks any way.

The same goes with expecting a blow job in the morning without washing it first?  Erm I know where that was last night (not sure you washed it after???) and my mouth aint going there! Lol.

The same does not however go for alcohol as I have to admit snogging a guy after he’s been drinking whisky is quite nice – tastes a bit like vanilla milkshake! (Don’t ask!!).

Still on the subject of inappropriateness, things not to say to a man in bed – is it in yet? (No I’ve never said it!). Is that the best you can do? (Ok I’ll admit that one but I was joking and he didn’t see the funny side or me again!! Lol)  When being asked if I wanted to join my man in the shower (bearing in mind my monthly’s had just come on) saying “what like a blood bath?” Sooo not the right thing to say!! I am single for a reason! 

Moving swiftly on, the best in “inappropriate behaviour” in the workplace comes direct from a poll run by “Glamour” magazine that stated that 37% of men have…………….wait for it………………….. masturbated in the workplace – Eeeew, we have communal toilets at my work so that’s a double Eeeeewww!  Seriously you can’t wait until you get home???

Yes I know Ann Summers do handbag sized vibes but I’ve never felt the need during the working day? I think us women are just different to you men!

Also not being funny but even though the cubicles are walled floor to ceiling they are not soundproof?? As I recently found out when one of my colleagues had a full blown conversation on her mobile while having a pee! Likewise when I got caught out listening to my voicemails on speaker phone! Lol!

I suppose you could take this one step further like a couple of people I used to work with did by shagging in the disabled toilets/shower room? They were married…………..just not to each other!

I’m so dumb that I was the only person in the office not aware of it? I couldn’t help but wonder, was I the only one doing any bloody work??? It became such a joke that colleagues would follow them out to see if they were going for a fag or a blowjob?. I think things came to  a head (if you pardon the pun) when Christmas Eve they went “MIA” four times during the day – again there’s me with my Christmas hat on all jolly, totally oblivious!

I also didn’t notice the drama unfold behind me when a few weeks later they packed up their stuff and were made “redundant” as of immediate effect as it transpired that someone (from another company in our shared building) had complained that they wanted to use the shower room after a run but couldn’t because 2 of our employees were shagging in there! Lol! For a long time afterwards we were all quite paranoid at going to the toilets at the same time as anyone of the opposite sex! Lol!

To be honest I had heard rumours but I put it down to office gossip mainly because I am an idiot and I believe when you marry someone its because you love them and want to be with them, not cheat on them at every available opportunity?. Besides the man in question got married that year and so was a newlywed and he continued his affair after the wedding? Makes you wonder why people bother to get married?

They say “Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to”. I suppose the “trusting” bit is much harder than it looks.

I will not let this put me off looking for Mr Right though, I’m sure he’s out there somewhere. I am changing tactics slightly, I am in the process of joining a new dating site based in Kent and the surrounding areas as I plan to move that way within the next couple of years so it makes sense to look for a man that way. I’m also planning on attending a “Dating Workshop” to put my dating questions to an “expert” – Can’t wait to see what I discover there and there will be more speed dating at the end of the month so its full steam ahead! As always will keep you posted.

Thanks for reading.

Too many dates, too little time and since when did shagging on the second date become the norm???!

Ok so another month has flown by and the theme for February was “Second Dates.”  Statistically speaking I dated 3 guys over a period of 6 weeks (not at the same time I hasten to add).

What did I learn? I learnt that there’s nothing like going on several dates to push a Single girl over the edge, desperate for some “Me Time” Lol!

On the way back from the “not so successful” weekend with “Portsmouth Guy” I got a call from “Clapham Guy” determined to make up for cancelling a previous first date, so hoping to be third time lucky I had a couple of hours kip, got dressed and drove to the station to meet him.

He was 6ft tall, dark hair, medium build, good looking, charming and genuinely funny without “trying” too hard. He worked in Sales and showed up with an enormous bouquet of flowers! Good start!  He was fours years younger than me but as I’m always being told, age is only but a number?! Besides I’d already dated someone my age and someone 4 years older in the last month so hell, why not a Toy Boy?!

I had my reservations as we had briefly spoken on the phone before the date and I didn’t think we had much in common. He was into extreme sports and I had advised him that Body Combat was not classed as one! He liked mountain biking (I can’t ride a bike) He liked swimming (I don’t swim well) and he liked rock climbing, I explained to him that I get dizzy standing on a chair!

None of that bothered him and he seemed determined to get to know me more. So after a highly entertaining first date where I was relieved that the conversation flowed easily and we had a laugh, I agreed to a second one.  That’s when it all started to go wrong!

Some of this was my fault, I was having a particularly hard time at work (I had taken on a new role which coincided with my company initiating a massive acquisition which is fantastic for the future of the company but it doubled my workload and it didn’t help that we were a staff member down).

Determined to do well and make a good impression on my boss I was finding juggling work, with the gym classes and dating, a bit of a struggle. I had got to the stage where I was starting to get a bit resentful of having to give up my weekends and evenings to go on dates with different men. All I wanted to do was to have one day off, just to myself to do whatever I fancied, even if that was to sit in my pjs and watch back to back episodes of CSI!

His persistent manner was starting to get on my nerves; I seemed to end up doing what he wanted all the time. This resulted in me finding myself in a position I was not entirely comfortable with when he ended up spending the night at my house on the second date..

I kind of couldn’t get out of it, without sounding totally unreasonable? He was due to go see his sister the following day and she only lived a few miles away from me, so I suppose it didn’t make sense for him to go back to London that night and come back the next day? However he could always have gone and stayed at hers? 

It also didn’t help that he was not well and spent the entire night tossing and turning because he could not sleep, any normal person would have gone downstairs or in to the spare room? (I’m being too harsh aren’t I? lol).

The next day I went into work exhausted and was not impressed as my Saturday job involves driving all day which is dangerous when you’re tired. This also put a slight dampener on my plans for the evening as I was too tired to fully enjoy the company of some of my dearest friends when we met up for dinner.

What irritated me further was that he wanted to meet up first thing Sunday morning? When I explained that I would prefer to meet at lunch time as I really wanted a lie in (it’s my only day off) he was quite manipulative with his reasoning as to why we couldn’t do this?. Unfortunately for him, by this stage I’d had more than enough so I postponed the third date until the following weekend. This resulted in a rather uncomfortable phone call on the Sunday where he “tried” to persuade me to change my mind. I had woken up with a migraine (I wonder why) and was starting to feel quite nauseous so I refused.

Also I found it exasperating that he liked to be “spontaneous” rather than “plan” anything for a date which was basically code for we didn’t do anything just spend all our time at my place? Why? I want to go out and do stuff, get to know each other, go on some proper dates, and do things as a couple? Have some fun? Isn’t that what dating is all about?

So when it transpired that he expected the third date to last the entire weekend (from the minute I get home from work Saturday till probably the time I left for work on the Monday) I realised that I felt totally suffocated and I did the unthinkable…………………........................................................................   I dumped him by text – Gasp!  In my defence we had only been on 2 dates (and I hadn’t shagged him) and if I thought I could have talked to him, without him talking me out of it, I would have called him!

So another one bites the dust! I have to say once I’d done this I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I felt so much more relaxed. I obviously made the right decision as to be honest if I had really liked him I would have wanted to spend all my time with him surely?

I know you shouldn’t compare people you meet to people you have dated in the past but this is harder than you think. Sometimes it’s good to compare? For example the last few men I had relationships with, I was really excited about the second date and was really comfortable throughout, there was no awkwardness, and it was just easy. Surely that’s how it should be? I know they didn’t work out but surely that’s the starting step in any relationship? Or is that too much pressure at this stage? 

I don’t know what’s happening to men nowadays? They seem so needy, clingy and desperate for attention? It’s a bit like they’ve hit an age, realised that their mates are settling down and having babies and with this in mind and pressure from their mums (both Portsmouth & Clapham admitted to this) are looking for someone to settle down with. They are rushing in without rationalising their actions?.

May be I’m over analysing here but what’s strange is that there is a whole new breed of “man” out there who analyse more than us girls do?  Portsmouth Guy was quite insecure about the second date because he knew I had been on a second date with someone else the week before?  He was like “well you didn’t see him again after the second date and you could do that to me?” My response was well I suppose so but isn’t that what dating is all about? Getting to know each other to see if you gel? I don’t go on a second date with the premise that I won’t see this person ever again? However I also do not agree to date 2 and 3 before date one? Believe me the last 3 guys have tried to work this arrangement????! What is that all about?

Then there’s the whole sex thing? Since when did shagging on a second date become the norm?

What’s the rush? Where’s the fire? Am I being old fashioned? The games the guys will play and the manipulation they will use to try to get their own way is truly genius! To the guy who told me I had amazing will power – truth be known you weren’t doing anything to turn me on! Meow! Lol!

Please tell me if I’m being a prude here?  Should you jump into bed with someone you’ve just met? Some people think it’s a good way to get close to someone. (I’m not one of these people!)  I suppose it’s a good way of finding out certain things about the guy – ie does he keep his socks on during sex?  I remember shagging a certain someone who kept his T shirt on? I was like “take it off take it off” which he did to reveal a really hairy back, I was like put it back on, put it back on! Lol!

Its ok I did continue to date him for 6 months as he had a six pack and had amazing arms! Lol!  (Actually that’s unfair he had a Masters degree and was very talented in many ways!)  He also did get his back waxed and no I didn’t make him do it!

Also as a general rule I don’t kiss on a first date, now I know this sounds like a lot of rules (there is a reason why I’m single!) The reason for this is that I’m petrified at the thought of going on a first date, if I had to consider the idea that I may have to kiss someone too I would not get out of the house, you would find me under my duvet!

Admittedly I did date a guy a few years ago and we had got to date 3 or 4 and hadn’t even snogged? That was a nightmare! The longer we left it the worse it got! I was starting to resign myself to the fact that it just might never happen!  I think the problem was that we had been out for each date and I’m not really into snogging in public. It turned out I had nothing to worry about and he was a great kisser! Woohoo!

So out of my 3 recent second dates, I had one I just didn’t want to snog, one who asked me if he could kiss me and one that jumped me? Seriously MEN!

So I do believe all three men came away thinking I was totally frigid which made me giggle!

So I went back to the dating site to see what else was on offer.

There was the 38 year old 5ft 6 Asian God (Sooooo not his real picture!) He had completed his profile to say he lived in the “Land of Paradise” Really? Is that within 30 miles of me because I don’t really fancy travelling too far for a date?!  He had written “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh” about himself and wanted to take me (or any female really) to bed on a first date. Awesome! Lets do it! Not.

There was the man who had a carpet shop in Woking and told me this in his introductory email; actually this is all he told me about himself??? – I do need new carpets but I thought better of it.

The guy who looked like a mass murderer in his pics! (I watch too much Criminal Minds!) May be if he smiled it would make him look more personable?

There was an alright looking guy but he had issues with sleeping? I was going to google the exact term that he used but what’s the point? I love my sleep and am a moody cow if I don’t get any! So it would never work!

There was the fat, ugly, old man who sent me an email asking me if I could send him some lezzie pics? I sent him a reply saying “excuse me?” he didn’t have the balls to respond! Lol!

The guy with the email that was 3 pages long telling me how beautiful I was and how perfect we would be together as a couple. Funny that because didn’t you send me the exact same email last month? You obviously like to copy and paste? Busted!!

Lastly there was the guy that made me gasp – and not in a good way! In his profile he said he was looking for a 36-32-34 body with a zero IQ and then had the nerve to email me! Yeah I was sooooo offended I couldn’t even come up with a response to that one! Lol!

So yeah I’m still out there, though I am taking a few weeks off from dating to chill out and spend some time with my friends and family. Who knows what’s around the corner. I’ll keep you updated.

Thank you for reading.

Impressive properties, fast cars, insecurities, barriers and snoring – just another week in NoshWorld!

I suppose I should start where I left off - with “Portsmouth Guy”

So was “Portsmouth Guy” the “One?” in a word “Possibly” but unfortunately not the “One” for me. So I arrived in Portsmouth in record breaking time – hour and 20 – my car is awesome (and there was no traffic), I turn into a residential close and look out for his Audi and there it is in the drive of the biggest house in the street, double fronted, detached with a garage and three parking spaces. OMG

If I thought the outside was impressive you should have seen the inside. I have to say this was the most stunning three bedroom house I have seen in a while, (Bearing in mind I show people around houses on a weekend). It was tastefully decorated, classy, and immaculate - not a thing was out of place!  He had warned me that he was a bit OCD with the cleaning stuff – a little bit like my sister, who by the way would have loved him and will probably be devastated that I didn’t marry him! Lol!

He had installed a new bathroom, with a massive tub and separate walk in shower, a gorgeous new kitchen - black granite work top – wow! He had also added an impressive £15k conservatory at the back.

My first thought was hell you can never see where I live! Don’t get me wrong, I love my house (I worked hard for it and did it on my own – Girl power and all that) and I think my house is also tastefully decorated but not to the grand scale that his is, I’d die for that kitchen, bathroom and conservatory, I just couldn’t afford it!

After the grand tour we went to the pub for a few drinks (in the beautiful Audi) – you know the type, gorgeous leather bucket seats where you have to get out skilfully without flashing your knickers  and have to be really careful not to scratch the handle as you’re shutting the door – yeah was a bit like that! Very nice though.

So up until now he sounds pretty perfect doesn’t he? I have to say on paper, he is, he runs his own business, he has his own property, own car and is solvent (as far as we know). He’s close to his family and has plenty of friends and seems quite social, all good so far?

The thing is there is always more to it then what’s on paper as I was to find out! The reality was that he had certain insecurities, he had issues with trust, and I was concerned that the distance thing was only going to fuel this further.

I had ignored all the warning signs, we seemed to talk at cross purposes a fair bit but I’d put down the misunderstanding of my texts as just that - a misunderstanding, after all texts can be quite difficult to interpret when you don’t know the person you are communicating with especially in the early stages

An example of this was him telling me he thought I was “high maintenance” which to be honest I found quite offensive? When I brought this up with him when I spoke to him next (oh hell yeah!) He explained that he had meant  I liked attention i.e. text messages, emails and phone calls and that I’d like things bought for me for example dinner or flowers?. This really annoyed me because I admit I do like receiving texts, and yes I do crave the attention, there’s nothing like the excitement of receiving that little envelope on your phone to say you have a message, but I don’t class that as high maintenance?

As for going out for dinner – isn’t that what you do when you first meet someone? I’m always up for paying half or taking it in turns, as for the flowers I was like are you frickin kidding me? It’s not expected but a nice gesture, however I would like to point out that if you are going to do it, do it because you want to and don’t hold it against me afterwards! To me high maintenance is someone who takes 4 hours to get dressed up for the night, who spends lots of money on their hair, make up, pedicures and manicures to make themselves feel better? So that went down well! Lol!

He’d also made an off the cuff comment about me going out for dinner with my bestie, where he’d said he had also gone out that night because I had???? (So therefore I couldn’t have an issue with it????!) I also tried to ignore the text I’d got a Friday night where he thought I had been out drinking especially as he “knew” I didn’t work out on a Friday night??? Really? You know my routine that well already? For the record I had been in the gym and I had responded to his text the minute I had got home! When I brought this up he did confide that an ex had cheated on him and therefore trust was a bit of an issue for him.

I would like to point out I wasn’t the one who cheated, so please don’t take it out on me? I think men should bear that in mind when dating, we are not your ex? We come with a whole new catalogue of issues of our very own! Lol!. (Good luck with that!).

As the evening progressed it transpired that we didn’t really have anything in common and I just couldn’t understand how it could ever work.

He was too serious for me? I don’t do serious, I’m up for a laugh, I like the banter, I like sarcasm and I like to have things we can talk about in common. He watches wild life programmes, I watch dating programmes and psychological thrillers like “Criminal Minds” or “CSI NY” and “Dexter” to name my a few.

We retired back to his place and I did stay the night at his and no I didn’t sleep in the spare room though I know I should have done, however I didn’t sleep with him either, actually I didn’t sleep at all as he spent the entire night snoring his head off!. I’m not a light sleeper but having what can only be described as the sound of a pneumatic drill in my ear was sufficient to ensure I was up all night! Soooo not funny at the time!

He then got the arse in the morning because I wasn’t up bright and early and dressed by half ten? For the record I had showered and was semi dressed and applying my make up when he made the comment. I felt like saying well if you hadn’t been snoring all bloody night and I had had more than a couple of hour’s sleep I’m sure I would be all bright eyed and bushy tailed first thing?

Apart from anything else it’s like ten o’clock in the morning? On a Sunday? My ONLY day off? What is wrong with you??? (I had also just started my period which always makes me sluggish and you really shouldn’t piss off a hormonal woman) He probably had the arse because he couldn’t get his leg over! Lol!

I left straight after breakfast with a few words of wisdom ringing in my ears on the drive home.  I have to add we did leave on friendly terms but it was pretty obvious this wasn’t going to go anywhere.

I was told that it was up to me where we go from here because I’m the one with all the issues (like really – yeah I’m the one with the issues!)

He said I had too many barriers and until I was ready to let them down and let someone get close to me I was wasting my time dating. Now I think I need to make a clarification here, I am under no illusions, I am fully aware that I have barriers that I have built over time to protect myself from getting hurt. Doesn’t everyone?!

I am also fully aware that there are times where regardless of these, I do let people into my heart and inevitably I do get hurt. I don’t have any regrets though as having an emotion – surely even a bad one, kind of makes you feel alive doesn’t it?

What I a have a problem in understanding, is how I am supposed to do all this by the time I get to a second date? Surely that’s asking too much of me? I don’t know you and more importantly you don’t know me. You haven’t a clue about who I am and where I came from and without that knowledge (which can only be gained over time) you have no way of knowing me, end of.

So that got me to thinking where did these barriers come from? Probably where psychologist and relationship therapists have been preaching for years, they start in the same place for everyone, from early childhood. They say experiences you have as a child shape the adult you will eventually become. I don’t always agree with this statement, the whole theory that we should make allowances for criminals because the person they became was a direct result of a bad childhood to me is utter bullshit (pardon the French).

If we were to follow this theory then I would be an unemployed crack head living in a council flat with 4 children all from different fathers scrounging off the state.

I like to believe as Charles R Swindoll said “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”. 

So who was the first man to break my heart and leave me? That would be my Dad (through no fault of his own I have to add). He died 3 months after my mother did, I was 6 and had grown up a great deal in those few short months, I had also become very close to him. He died as a result of a stroke but to be honest it turned out he couldn’t live without my mother – may be that’s what I strive for,  to find a love like that, to have someone love you so much their life isn’t worth living without you?.

What followed were a few years of utter chaos, being taken out of school away from all my friends and spending 18 months in a foreign Country, trying to adapt to their way of life, their teaching methods, not to mention a whole new language.

I have some things to be grateful for, it taught me how to adapt to a changing environment, and it also taught me how to fit in when you are the odd one out. Best of all I’m grateful that what I can only describe as quite a traumatic experience came to an end and I was brought back to the UK. Back to my school with the added bonus of being at a more advanced stage of maths than my fellow students! Probably how I ended up in Finance, so yes I suppose some of what you learn as a child does shape who you become as an adult.

I am quite proud of who I am and what I have achieved, my house may not be a mansion but to me it means the world, its mine and mine alone. I believe I have a good soul, which is probably why I am surrounded by so many lovely, caring and supportive friends who genuinely show me love on a regular basis. I just have to find a man to complete the fairytale but I’m willing to wait for the right one – he’s out there somewhere!

With that in mind I drove back from Portsmouth, had a couple of hours sleep and headed straight out for a date with The London Salesman because you never know what’s around the corner! May be I’ll be third time lucky?! Here’s hoping!!

Thank you for reading.

You know what they say when one door closes another one opens? So in the week that saw the end of my FWB is it possible I may have met the one? (Carrie Bradshaw eat your heart out!)

So my week started with a catch up with one of my mates in our local Ann Summers. Most friends meet over a latte in Costa Coffee for a chat but not us! We meet in the middle of the vibrator section! Lol! She was in the market for a new toy and wanted my advice. Over the years I seem to have become a bit of an expert in this field! (I am assuming because I used to work for them).

I was surprised to see that there are lots of new “Rabbits” on the market, all in flashy packaging and beautiful colours but don’t let that fool you, bear in mind they don’t stay in the packet and you can’t see them when they’re in you.  (I know too much detail but a valid point I think?).

So there we were testing out the toys on display, catching up on the gossip and trying to establish what it is that we want from the toy, so we get the “right” one as they all have different functions but all with the same goal in mind! It suddenly dawned on me that to an outsider looking in, we probably looked like a pair of lesbians!

I’m assuming that’s what the man standing in the same section thought anyway, he was probably eavesdropping (which wasn’t hard – I’m not the quiet type).

Did you know that they now sell Dildo’s in there? (This is a new thing). I have to admit, I’ve never understood the point of one of these, as I pointed out to my friend especially if you have a man and are looking for a toy to use while they are there? What is the point of having a fake dick while a real one looks on expectantly?!  Not being funny but surely the whole point is to have a toy to enhance your enjoyment or to do something your man can’t like the “Triple Whammy?” Believe me no matter how good he is in the bedroom he can not swivel, vibrate and thrust at the same time! Hee hee.

So with that in mind she purchased a “couples kit” for her and her man and a rabbit for herself. (Clever girl!).

Back to me, on the FWB front things took a turn for the worse, to be honest I was starting to get a bit weary with his attitude towards me. There were times he would talk to me like he was paying me for sex? Erm he was not, or that he was owed it? Again – not in a million!

I know I’m not his girlfriend but some respect wouldn’t go a miss?  It all started with my new Hollywood which left me.............how can I put this? “tender” for 24 hours, unfortunately this coincided with our not so secret “rendezvous”. In my defence I had also had one of the most stressful weeks at work and was pretty fed up, when I expressed that I was concerned that my waxing may prevent me from “performing” (or more to the point enjoying myself, its not all about you mate!) I wasn’t exactly expecting sympathy but a message to say he really wanted to see me would have been enough?

A text saying (and I quote) “Don’t over react, you got waxed not given birth” took……. my………. Breath……A.W.A.Y!

I had to put the mobile down and walk away for a minute and take some deep breaths to calm down so as to not jump in the car, drive to his house to give him a wax job of my own and see if he can w*nk the next day?! What a ****** (you can fill in the blanks, they all fit!).

After I’d recovered (the next day) I tried to apologise for cancelling on him but got a text to say he wasn’t interested so I asked him to delete my number and never call me again.

So I’m screwed………..or not as the case may be?! Every cloud has a silver lining though so at least I know which rabbit I’m gonna get!

Moving on….

On the not so pleasurable front I had to take a couple of trips to my osteopath (No I haven’t been swinging from the chandeliers!).  I’ve only ever met him once before.  On examining me, he explained that unlike most people who carry tension in their lower back, I for some strange reason carry tension in my arse – (Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase – pain in the arse!) Good to know I suppose?! .However he said this was not good for me and then proceeded to “de stress” it for half an hour?! Who knew such a thing was possible?. 

He then told me off for not stretching enough after my gym classes; I was advised if I did not listen I may need to be punished? Erm isn’t your £40.00 bill for massaging my arse punishment enough? It certainly is to my bank balance?! (I didn’t say that to him). We then got on to the subject of punishment and he proceeded to tell me how some of his clients compare the treatment of having your back clicked to the pleasure of light S&M – like seriously?  Who has these conversations???! (Me obviously and I really don’t know how I get myself into these situations!)  For the record he was not coming on to me, we were just having a conversation (even though I was semi naked having my bottom massaged at the time! – You couldn’t make this stuff up!!).

I was like I’m sorry but I don’t see the relevance between the two? I mean I get that there’s good pain and there’s bad pain but I would not class having my back manipulated and then cracked all the way up my spine good pain?! Though having my neck clicked is pretty close to orgasm as it releases a fresh flow of blood to your brain so the verdict is still out on that one!

Moving swiftly on

Elsewhere in NoshWorld working opposite KFC bought its own advantages this week, we had 2 fire engines pull up outside so they could get some, I have to admit there is nothing more distracting then those huge red fire engines!. (Nothing to do with the firemen obviously). The number of times I tried to prise my eyes away from the window and back to my computer screen to only suddenly realise I was strangely drawn back towards the window! That had to be the highlight of the week!

On the online dating front it’s been a very busy fortnight, I got an email from a man who was 49 (but looked pretty good for it) which started me thinking about age and what limits you should set? I like to date men my age but I have dated men both older and younger with various degrees of success. I have a friend who is my age and is dating a man who is 24 years older than her and I’ve never seen anybody so loved up and happy, they have been together for over five years and they are in the process of buying a house together so it proves it can work?. I decided not to pursue this any further as I am not comfortable with dating men too much older than me? I’m quite immature (I never want to grow up) and I’d probably do his head in!

I have also found that there are many men in my age range who are quite short – between 5ft 6 to 5ft 8. I’m only 5ft 5 so in theory this shouldn’t be an issue (easy to reach for a snog), but more than anything it seems to be an issue for them more than me? One of them told me that his last girlfriend had said she wanted a man she could look up to? Gasp! I told him she was obviously a b1tch so he really should let it go and get over it?!

I also got a really brief email from a guy that literally said that he liked the look of my mate in my picture and was she single? And if so was she on the site? And if so could I ask her to contact him?. Like HELLO??? I wouldn’t have minded had he had the courtesy to say hi first and ask me politely? How rude! (She found it hilarious though!).

I also had an Asian guy send me an email stating we just had to meet each other but in his profile it said he had never been with a woman? WTF am I gonna do with a 35 year old Virgin? Like seriously?............

Anyway I have been speaking to a few potential men dotted all over the South of the Country including The London Saleman, The Reading Architect, The Woking Mr Persistent and of cause The Portsmouth Guy!

Yes……….I finally went on a date with “Portsmouth guy”. My first impression of him as he walked into the pub was wow (very unusual for me), his pictures did him absolutely no justice. I then spent the next 3 hours trying really hard not to like him and even to put him off me (I told him about my go ahead biscuit addiction) but I have to say I failed on both counts!  On leaving the pub his impeccable taste was breath taking – in the shape of the most gorgeous Audi I have ever seen!  (He’s a keeper! Lol – I’m joking).

I even got flowers sent to my work on Valentines – after only one date! AWESOME!

So here starts the beginning of what I can only class as a logistical nightmare! It goes to prove that when you like someone, age, height or distance really doesn’t matter!!

So I will leave it there for now, we shall see how it goes and I’ll keep you updated!  

Thank you for reading!

January – All about the Drag – from dressing up as a man to going on a date with one – oh yeah – finally! Get In!

Ok so January is well and truly over and I get the feeling that every month this year will have a significant theme. So for January this was “All about the Drag” It all started with a “gender bender” fancy dress party, in other words we had to dress up as the opposite sex. (I was going to go as a drag queen – ie a woman, dressed as a man, dressed as a woman, but it got waaaaay too complex!) So Me & Bestie went as New York gangsters with our fake tashes, our pistols tucked into the back of our trousers and my Tommy gun & cigar handy. I was greeted by the birthday boy in his blue sequinned vintage dress and heels! Awesome! 

I have to say I had a really good laugh (nothing to do with the several bottles of cheapo champagne consumed). I was impressed at the level of effort people had made to dress up, there were plenty of fake eyelashes, eye shadow and lipstick (not usually things I associate with men) I was flabbergasted at how fabulous some of the men looked as women! Not being funny but some of them could give my legs a run for my money!  Jealous!! Lol! 

The guy dressed as Freddie Mercury in the “I want to break free” video was amazing!  He totally nailed that look. Just when you thought things couldn’t get any more outrageous in walked Lady Gaga or “Lady Gay Gay” as we liked to refer to her/him (I don’t know it all got very confusing!) The fabulous outfit came complete with a home made paper Mache telephone headband! It had to be seen to be believed! I have no idea how these guys survived dancing in 4 inch heels but I was told that they had found a whole new respect for us women after a couple of hours in them! Lol! There were so many other fabulous outfits both male and female but I’d be here all day describing them!

Bestie was impressed at how comfortable the men’s clothes were so that’s another thing to add to my list on “how men have it easier than us women!” 

The following weekend I attended a panto in Leicester Square with one of my Julies to see “Snow white and the seven poofs”. Once seated we set eyes on the most gorgeous man that has ever walked the earth amongst the audience (obviously gay – how unfair is life???).  He was with his partner who was much older and not really in the same league? So I was working on the assumption he was rich or had some other sought after asset? Turned out I was right and he was a TV producer – Get in!. My next question was – were they in a relationship or was he “hired” for the evening? If the latter I wonder how much he charges?! 

The show itself was soooo good, incredibly politically incorrect but totally hilarious, lots of profanity including plenty from the audience! The finale had me in tears of laughter with Mrs Moore and her oversized syringe. We got to meet the cast afterwards for a drink at a gay bar which was a first for me! I would definitely recommend it! They are doing another show in the autumn called Drag Divas so I can’t wait to see that! 

Is it wrong that some men look so much better dressed as women? It’s a bit of a let down seeing them as men afterwards?! Lol! 

Moving on  - You know you always read that men who drive fast, expensive cars are compensating for inadequacies elsewhere (clears throat) turns out there could be some truth to this? I laughed my head off when one of my work colleagues told me about her friend who had started dating a bloke who drove a rather expensive sports car (I’m talking in the league of Ferrari’s & Porsches etc) and was really disappointed when they finally made it to the bedroom, its such a cliché but who knew it would come true? 

After further discussion with a group of friends it was concluded that when dating men its not the size of their feet you should be looking at its their.....................hands! Men with small hands or to be more precise short stubby fingers will undoubtedly have a small penis! (I bet every man reading this is now examining his hands! Lol). So you have been warned but then is size everything??? I know for some, the size of his wallet is more important? Not for me though! Lol.

It has been quite busy on the dating front  - Men who did not get a response from me this week included the obese man – step awaaaay from the KFC and let me introduce you to a salad! I’m sorry but I don’t mind a man with a “few extra pounds” but if you blatantly need to lose in excess of 60 lbs., I don’t care how much you earn or how great your personality is, I will not be dating you.

In my defence I have put in my profile that I go to the gym and that even though I don’t expect my man to do the same I do like a man who looks after himself, this probably includes getting on the scales once in a while?

There was the guy who’s opening line was “tell me one random thing about you” to which I sooo wanted to respond “I’m not interested?” How’s that??? Hee hee!

The guy who emailed to say “find me, find peace?” Why? Are you planning on killing me?  (If he wasn’t before, he might be now!)

The two Asian men – oooooooh dear where do I start?. Deep breath - To the two Asian men who sent me an email to say hello using words like “jee” and my personal favourite “Kidha” you sooo misinterpreted my profile! For the record if I’m ever going to date an Asian man – it has to be a well educated, well mannered and sophisticated man who wouldn’t dream of using words such as “jee or kidha” in an introductory email or ever really? (Its ok my Asian friends are wetting themselves reading this because they know me so well).

Anyway as I was saying it has been quite busy on the dating front in that not only communicating by email and text I actually made an effort and went on a date! This did however bring up a slight dilemma with my FWB, ie do I tell him or not? More importantly at what point do you have to tell him? From my point of view a relationship with the FWB is based on the fact that you are both single at the time and it is of convenience to you both. How many FWB’s you have at any given time is still up for debate. So when either of you meet someone else then the other person backs off until such time you both find yourselves single again or you lose interest in each other and go your separate ways.

What threw me was that he text me to let me know he had a date the following weekend and I hadn’t told him I had just been on one?! Lol! In my defence I’m not sure he can handle this as well as I can! So what did I do? I did what I always do - I spoke to a few people to gather opinion. 

The first person I spoke to (single female) believes that you can date more than one man at the beginning until you have decided or rather you have both decided to date “exclusively” up until that point anything goes, ie you can keep your FWB and or accept other dates should you wish to.

The second person (married female) generally agreed with this, so until you’re in a proper relationship, anything goes. On the other end of the spectrum my friend (female in a long term relationship) classed this as cheating, actually I’m not sure she’s entirely happy about the FWB thing as a whole but who knows! 

I remember chatting to one of my ex’s (way after we had finished dating) who had told me he had met a really lovely lady who had wanted him to wait a while before sleeping with him and he had totally respected her wishes, candidly adding that of cause he had had to sleep with other people while he waited! Lol!  MEN! Is it any surprise I’m so cynical???! At least he was honest with me (rolling of eyes). 

So anyway I went on a date last weekend with this really nice bloke, (average sized hands and didn’t drive a Lamborghini so it’s all good). We had exchanged a few emails and a lot of texts (he liked to text!) which didn’t bother me as it was nice to have the attention, I was really nervous about meeting up as experience has taught me that exchanging too much information before a meeting can be dangerous as the expectations are higher and there is more chance of disappointment.  With this in mind I try to meet up with people as quickly as possible.  

He was lovely, attentive, caring, well mannered and really sweet and could nearly talk as much as me - well ok when he could get a word in edgeways!! We had a lot in common, and ultimately wanted the same things in life.

So what was wrong with him? Not much, apart from the fact I wasn’t sure I fancied him! He said he liked to be the “funny one” which is hilarious because I’m quite “funny” myself and as we were both competitive and stubborn with it, I really wasn’t sure it would work!  He made some comment about how size doesn’t matter and I was assuming he was referring to his height (5ft 7) but you never really know do you??? Question is “is that a risk you’re willing to take?”.  Lol.

He was very sociable and fit – played football every week. I just wasn’t sure? To be honest I’m never sure on a first date, in fact I can’t think of a single first date that I’ve come back from and thought yeah he’s lovely – apart from Steve and look how wrong I got that! Or actually the first time I set eyes on my ex (the one I was with for 7 years) I knew the minute he walked into the room I wanted him (we weren’t even on a date but may be that kind of emotion only happens when you’re a teenager?) Anyway I’m older now and I’m usually not sure until the second date and this is the crucial one to whether I will see this person again or not. (For the record this doesn’t mean I go on a second date with everyone sometimes you know on the first one!).

We arranged to meet during the week. The night before which I got a text from the guy in Portsmouth that I’d cancelled a date with earlier in the month saying that he had being giving it some thought and really regretted that we didn’t meet up and may be we could try to get around the whole distance thing? (In other words – you saw my updated pictures and decided you should have made an effort?). I told him I was going on a date so couldn’t but agreed to let him know if it didn’t work out!

So I met up for my second date in a really nice curry house. However by the end of it I had pretty much made my mind up that I just wasn’t feeling it, there was no chemistry which is such a shame because life could have been so much easier just to go a long with it but that wouldn’t have been fair to either of us.  We would have been great friends but that’s not what I’m looking for, I have plenty of them already.

I’m looking for the one man, that one instant connection which I’m not 100% sure is out there but I don’t want to settle for anything less? Is that wrong? I want the man I’m at total peace with, really comfortable in the company of - I want to lie in a field side by side listening to “chasing cars” by snow patrol playing full blast! Is that asking too much? Obviously!

Anyway I’m at present suffering terribly from “girl flu” so had to take a break from dating for a bit though I have agreed to meet the guy from Portsmouth next weekend. Knowing my luck I’ll really like him which will be a logistical nightmare!  I will keep you posted! Thanks for reading.

Breaking News - Go Ahead Biscuit addict is nearly hit by bus in final wave of clumsiness but heroically saved by a tall, athletic, dark hair, blue eyed stranger in a fireman’s outfit – I Wish!! Welcome to NoshWorld!

It has been a very busy start to the year and I’m trying to be super organised both at home and a work, with this and sooo much else on my mind I’ve been a complete klutz! Actually I’ve always been a bit clumsy, ask any man who’s dared to date me, from kicking/punching them in the head while changing positions (I’ve done this to more than one man), to spilling massage oil all over the walls of my bedroom (and having to stop to clean it up and thus killing the mood! lol) to recently head butting one mid shag! It was too funny – well for me anyway, I’m just glad he didn’t get a nosebleed because apparently he’s prone to them, especially if someone smacks him in the mouth!!. I hasten to add it was an accident and I don’t hate men - honest! Hee hee.

The last fortnight has proven that I shouldn’t really be let out alone and it’s probably a good idea that I am single. Not only did I manage to get a ring stuck on my finger in DP’s (and have to ask for assistance to get it off!). I followed this up a couple of days later by walking smack bang into a glass window in Argos! I’m not kidding – full blast straight into the glass. Was sooo embarrassing, at first I was a bit confused and disorientated like what is this and why aren’t I outside? Then I was like damn, how could I miss the door???! Lol. I didn’t dare turn around to see who saw me, not being funny but it’s a small shop and I’m sure they all saw me or at least heard me!! There’s some footage I do not want to see on you tube! So here’s another new years resolution to add to the list – slow down a bit to avoid further calamities - oh and get my eyes tested!. .

During the week I was pleased to see that the “Bed Man” is back! He’s a man who sells beds in the Market – Am I the only one who finds this strange?  I’m pretty sure he owns a bed store and this is just his way of drumming up more business? Well let’s just say I’m hoping this is the case and he’s not just some weirdo who enjoys watching people lie on beds?  Is it wrong that I’m sooo tempted to bounce about on the beds when he’s not looking?? 

My addiction to Go Ahead biscuits took on a whole new meaning too as discovering they were on offer at half price sent me on a buying frenzy! I managed to buy 6 months supply from multiple outlets in one evening (that’s 65 packets in case you were wondering). Luckily I didn’t bump into any fit men as it wouldn’t be the best first impression!

It has been a while since I’ve bought anything in bulk. Why is it the moment you do this you get all morbid? When I got home all I could think about was what happens if I get knocked down by a bus tomorrow? What will people think? Will I be known as the strange Go Ahead Biscuit addict??? My family would have to come clear out the house – now they wouldn’t be surprised by the biscuits or some of the outfits but there are a few things I’d prefer them not to see! Must make a pact with my bestie – to remove incriminating evidence should the inevitable happen!

What else have I learnt this week? I’ve learned not to pay any attention to delivery times, when the take out people say 45 minutes (and they are always late) the one time you think you have 45 minutes is the one time the bastards will be 20 minutes early and catch you misbehaving! It was ok I wasn’t the one who had to go answer the door with a hard on! Lol!.

In the same respect when British Gas says they will be with you between 8am and 1pm this basically means any time day or night or may be not even that day??? They eventually sent out a different engineer at 2pm because the first one decided not to show up.  This taught me another lesson – when an engineer comes to service the warm heating unit, he will need to come upstairs to check the vents in the bedrooms?

Therefore leaving my washed clothes drying on display including my knickers and random sex toys on the floor is probably not the best idea – ultra embarrassing!  I moved the clothes but didn’t dare touch the toy in case it brought his attention to it?? Jesus!

I remember the last time I had an engineer out to service the system and I’d forgotten that I’d left a 6 foot inflatable penis in the lounge! (Obviously in the days that I was an Ann Summers party organiser!) His name was Bob (the penis not the engineer) and he blended in well! I ended up giving the guy my business card to pass on to his wife in case she fancied a party!  I loved Bob he was awesome, I used to drive around with him strapped in the front seat of my car on my way to the parties (not sure this was entirely legal) It was great publicity and he was a big hit with the ladies (and small children who thought he was a big sausage! – I know, I know- that’s wrong on sooo many levels).

My Saturday job brought new challenges (I’m a viewing assistant for a leading estate agents) I couldn’t get into a block of flats because the security code wouldn’t work and my fingers were turning blue trying to make it work, the customers just stood there looking at me like well do something? What do you want me to do smash the bloody door down??? (Before you ask I did try buzzing the other flats, not one would answer!) I eventually gave up and told them I’m sorry but we would have to reschedule. They were not best pleased!

Then I managed to get stuck in the next house, I had shut the door behind me and couldn’t get it open much to the amusement of the person I was showing around. I did get slightly panicked when I realised this was a one bedroom house and this was the only exit out. I ended up having to climb out of the downstairs bay window which to my relief had windows large enough to jump from. So out I went in my short skirt and heels flashing my knickers to all and sundry – such a classy bird! I’ll remember to never shut that door again! So all in all I’ve had better days!

Moving swiftly on to dating news, I ended up cancelling both my dates on the weekend, the one on Sunday I cancelled because even though he sounded like a nice bloke I realised that the distance was going to become a problem. He lived in Portsmouth which is like a 2 hour drive away. It wouldn’t be an issue if I didn’t have a Saturday job as I could go down on a Friday and come back on a Sunday. Unfortunately I do work Saturdays and after a whole day driving around, the last thing I’d want to do is drive 2 hours to be with my man. Also as he was self employed he worked really hard too and I’ve been there, done that and could really do with a bloke who has a bit more time on his hands (and regular hours). He was really sweet and understanding about it.

The other bloke annoyed me because he decided to go out and get drunk the night before our date and not return my call to confirm details and then had the nerve to ask me to come to his for a first date because he was hung over? I don’t think so mate, bearing in mind I’d had a pig of a day, the last thing I wanted to do was then get on a train to London and try to find his house. Also as I pointed out to him there was no way I was meeting someone for a first date at their house?! Like hello???.

I think you should start how you intend to go on and with this in mind I chose to stay in, eat a curry and watch “Take me out!”

I have to admit I am a “Take me out” virgin even though it is into its second season. Did anyone watch this programme? It was hilarious! The format is 30 single women with 3 or 4 eligible bachelors who the women discount mainly based on their looks, and first impressions. It’s all about the lights, if they like him they keep their light on, if not they turn them off.

I think they get to go on holiday for a week or something? Not being cynical or anything but I’d be tempted to keep my light on for a free holiday? Who cares who you go with? Lol!

The first bloke was the most stunning man I have ever seen, tanned, fit, gorgeous eyes and a smile to die for. He was a personal trainer with a six pack. As soon as he arrived the women were swooning and every light stayed on. I laughed my head off when in the second round 90% of the lights went off because it turned out he still lived at home with his mother! Goes to prove looks aren’t everything boys!

The second bloke was quite nice too but later got cut from the show as it transpired he used to work as an escort! Too funny! Not only that but he had been in a pub brawl last year and had assaulted a woman? Not so funny.

The bit that stunned me was that when they spoke to his date, she commented that had she known he had hit a woman she would never have slept with him??? Like helloooo? What is wrong with you??? – you just met him and you shagged him already??  Its not like you got to know him first, you picked him off a TV show? The incredible bit is she was more concerned that he was violent once when drunk than the fact that he was a male escort? Hope you used protection love? Mind you she was the woman who had said she wanted a bloke who earned more than 3 times her salary – turns out he charges £50.00 and hour so she got what she asked for! Wonder if he was worth every penny????

I suppose that’s something else to take into consideration when looking for potential dates, may be a criminal background check might be a good idea??

I’ll bear that in mind, anyway with last weeks dates cancelled I’m back in the saddle already and chatting to 3 rather nice men, one who’s off on holiday for a month next week so we will have to put him on the back burner but the other two are interesting so we shall see! Wish me luck!

Thanks for reading

New Year, New Profile, New Start.

Let me start by wishing you all a very Happy New Year! I have such hope and aspirations for 2012 I don’t know where to begin. As I sit here trying to recover from a huge hangover (Me n bestie hit the town hard last night!) I can’t help but smile to myself because I have a blessed life, made extra special by all the fantastic people I have in it who show me unconditional love and support.

You know who you are. You are the ones who take my calls regardless of the time of the day, who take time out of their busy lives to help me mop up the tears (and there were a few in 2011). You didn’t judge me as you watched me make the same mistakes and you supported me even though you hated my decisions - for that alone I will love you forever.

Overall 2011 was a fantastic year, I had a lot of fun, I tried many new things and I enjoyed the majority of them including writing this blog which has had over 1000 views since it became public in August/September!. Woohoo! I spent time with some of my favourite people and I hope to do much more of that this year. I made mistakes but I don’t regret anything I did as it made me the person I am today, and I’m proud of who I am.

2011 was all about the ex’s, I suppose I needed to revisit past relationships because I had regrets at how I had behaved in them the first time round, and I needed closure, I wanted to try to figure out where they went wrong, and why, and to give it 100% to see if it would have made a difference? What did I learn? I learnt that the issues weren’t mine, I learnt no matter how hard you try you can’t make someone love you, I learnt you can analyse it to death but the ending is the same so why waste the energy?

I have to say I had a lot of fun working this out, many high points, from jumping into a Jacuzzi bath on Valentines because I was so excited about the bubbles they were BIG bubbles!. I was also off my head as I had mixed my antibiotics (for a chest infection) with wine! Poor man didn’t know what hit him!.

I also got to watch a 40 year old male dance around my bedroom in a mankini singing “I’m too sexy” too funny – really wish I’d filmed that! or my ex showing up at my house in a fireman’s outfit – with a helmet with a built in siren playing full blast (god knows what my neighbours thought!!)  Though I had hoped for an outfit with less material?? I’m never satisfied!!.

Turns out my other “perfect” ex is so incredibly different to when I first dated him a year before that I’m a bit scared to date any one new (are all men totally fake when you first meet them???!). When we met he was lovely, we got on so well we could finish each others sentences, and we had worked in similar industries so we had a fair bit in common, we had the same sense of humour and had a few really good dates but he wasn’t sure so I walked away. The “real” Steve didn’t come into play until this year and believe me you wouldn’t want to date that. I’ve never met anyone so stroppy in my life,

I think his mother has a lot to answer for, when he was a child and didn’t get his own way and threw a strop or tantrum, she should have nipped it in the bud right there and then instead of leaving it 38 years for me to have to deal with!

His sense of humour seems to have changed too, it involves putting you down all the time and he thinks it’s funny because he’s “joking”. I’m a happy go lucky person but even I can get upset at the constant digs. I don’t believe for a minute he knows what he is doing; either that or I just give these men too much credit.

Anyway I was told (by him) that I would still be single this time next year, to the extent he wanted to put a wager on it. What did I do? Did I go cry into the corner – wailing “no one will ever love me?” Hell no, I updated my profile on 2 dating sites and started flirting like no ones business (Girl Power!) with a new sense of purpose – to prove him wrong! Hee hee.

In the space of a week I had over 100 emails, from 61 men (I counted just to get the stats right), the majority of whom were either too old (mid to late 40’s), too young (in their 20’s), too overweight (described as average???!), or too “just not my type”.

I only respond to men who interest me, otherwise I’m not only wasting my time but theirs too. I don’t respond to men who send me semi naked pics of them or have them on their profile, I don’t mind if the pic was taken at a beach on your hols that’s ok, but if you’re naked in your bedroom – so not happening! I don’t talk to men who can’t be bothered to complete their profile – how lazy can you be? Or worse still men who don’t fill in their profile and send me an email saying “Hi” that’s it just “Hi”. Original eh? So with this in mind 90 percent didn’t get a response!

I did talk to a couple of them and even arranged dates with 2 of them for this weekend just gone, the first one (who I had reservations about) decided to cancel 2 hours before the date for no reason and I’m not convinced he would have bothered to let me know had I not text and called to confirm before I left? What an arse, I told him too because my new years resolution is to stop taking crap from men.

I’ve had to postpone the date with the other one until next weekend and now I’ve ended up with 2 dates next weekend so gonna be a busy girl! I have my reservations about both of them but we shall see. I have a confession, I hate first dates, the thought of it makes me wanna run and hide under my duvet! I’m fine once I get there though – as I can talk for England!

I did get an email from another rubberist but I’m not sure if it was my ex messing about, I’m pretty sure it was but who knows?!

I also got a wink from username “Got a huge one” (don’t even go there!) I ignored it so he emailed me asking me if I was willing to sell him my used underwear. (Why does this not surprise me???!) He didn’t get a response either.

So today I’ve put up new pictures and reworded my profile to try to cut down on the number of people who email me who are inappropriate, it hasn’t worked as yet. In the last 4 hours I have received 40 emails, (I’ve not read them all), I just don’t have the time, but I’ve had a giggle, there’s the man who’s from Norwich who didn’t realise I lived 140 miles away and when I told him I was looking for someone closer to home said he could move? Lol!

The 26 year old incredible fit male looking for fun? Ooooh sooo tempting but I must behave, I haven’t got time to be side tracked by a young hottie, I’m looking for Mr Right, not Mr Right now!

I also got an email from a Ricky Gervais look a like – I’m not kidding – you couldn’t make this sh1t up, his job is to impersonate Ricky and does quite well out of it! Too funny, If only I could get a Bradley Cooper look alike? I’d be on to a winner! Hee hee.

I talked to guy who seemed genuine and after telling him what I was looking for responded with an email telling me if he was honest he was looking for a women who was at least 5ft 10 and wished me luck in the future???!!! What am I gonna grow? I have to say I was totally flabbergasted! I’ve never knowingly been rejected for my height? I could wear 4 inch heels mate but with that attitude you can f%ck off!

I also got an email from a nice looking bloke stating “he’s a submissive guy looking for a girl to play with him, exploit him and likes mild domination” Can someone for the love of god tell me where in my profile I come across that I’m into this – is it the picture of me in a leather cat suit brandishing a whip? (I’m kidding).  I have a confession I responded and asked him why, if he had read my profile which clearly states what I am looking for, he had contacted me? He came back to say he hadn’t read my profile but had seen my pics and found me sexy!.  Jesus! I give up!

Anyway I’m out there I’m trying and who knows what’s around the corner? I wish you all much luck, love and orgasmic sex for 2012.

Thank you for reading!