Impressive properties, fast cars, insecurities, barriers and snoring – just another week in NoshWorld!

I suppose I should start where I left off - with “Portsmouth Guy”

So was “Portsmouth Guy” the “One?” in a word “Possibly” but unfortunately not the “One” for me. So I arrived in Portsmouth in record breaking time – hour and 20 – my car is awesome (and there was no traffic), I turn into a residential close and look out for his Audi and there it is in the drive of the biggest house in the street, double fronted, detached with a garage and three parking spaces. OMG

If I thought the outside was impressive you should have seen the inside. I have to say this was the most stunning three bedroom house I have seen in a while, (Bearing in mind I show people around houses on a weekend). It was tastefully decorated, classy, and immaculate - not a thing was out of place!  He had warned me that he was a bit OCD with the cleaning stuff – a little bit like my sister, who by the way would have loved him and will probably be devastated that I didn’t marry him! Lol!

He had installed a new bathroom, with a massive tub and separate walk in shower, a gorgeous new kitchen - black granite work top – wow! He had also added an impressive £15k conservatory at the back.

My first thought was hell you can never see where I live! Don’t get me wrong, I love my house (I worked hard for it and did it on my own – Girl power and all that) and I think my house is also tastefully decorated but not to the grand scale that his is, I’d die for that kitchen, bathroom and conservatory, I just couldn’t afford it!

After the grand tour we went to the pub for a few drinks (in the beautiful Audi) – you know the type, gorgeous leather bucket seats where you have to get out skilfully without flashing your knickers  and have to be really careful not to scratch the handle as you’re shutting the door – yeah was a bit like that! Very nice though.

So up until now he sounds pretty perfect doesn’t he? I have to say on paper, he is, he runs his own business, he has his own property, own car and is solvent (as far as we know). He’s close to his family and has plenty of friends and seems quite social, all good so far?

The thing is there is always more to it then what’s on paper as I was to find out! The reality was that he had certain insecurities, he had issues with trust, and I was concerned that the distance thing was only going to fuel this further.

I had ignored all the warning signs, we seemed to talk at cross purposes a fair bit but I’d put down the misunderstanding of my texts as just that - a misunderstanding, after all texts can be quite difficult to interpret when you don’t know the person you are communicating with especially in the early stages

An example of this was him telling me he thought I was “high maintenance” which to be honest I found quite offensive? When I brought this up with him when I spoke to him next (oh hell yeah!) He explained that he had meant  I liked attention i.e. text messages, emails and phone calls and that I’d like things bought for me for example dinner or flowers?. This really annoyed me because I admit I do like receiving texts, and yes I do crave the attention, there’s nothing like the excitement of receiving that little envelope on your phone to say you have a message, but I don’t class that as high maintenance?

As for going out for dinner – isn’t that what you do when you first meet someone? I’m always up for paying half or taking it in turns, as for the flowers I was like are you frickin kidding me? It’s not expected but a nice gesture, however I would like to point out that if you are going to do it, do it because you want to and don’t hold it against me afterwards! To me high maintenance is someone who takes 4 hours to get dressed up for the night, who spends lots of money on their hair, make up, pedicures and manicures to make themselves feel better? So that went down well! Lol!

He’d also made an off the cuff comment about me going out for dinner with my bestie, where he’d said he had also gone out that night because I had???? (So therefore I couldn’t have an issue with it????!) I also tried to ignore the text I’d got a Friday night where he thought I had been out drinking especially as he “knew” I didn’t work out on a Friday night??? Really? You know my routine that well already? For the record I had been in the gym and I had responded to his text the minute I had got home! When I brought this up he did confide that an ex had cheated on him and therefore trust was a bit of an issue for him.

I would like to point out I wasn’t the one who cheated, so please don’t take it out on me? I think men should bear that in mind when dating, we are not your ex? We come with a whole new catalogue of issues of our very own! Lol!. (Good luck with that!).

As the evening progressed it transpired that we didn’t really have anything in common and I just couldn’t understand how it could ever work.

He was too serious for me? I don’t do serious, I’m up for a laugh, I like the banter, I like sarcasm and I like to have things we can talk about in common. He watches wild life programmes, I watch dating programmes and psychological thrillers like “Criminal Minds” or “CSI NY” and “Dexter” to name my a few.

We retired back to his place and I did stay the night at his and no I didn’t sleep in the spare room though I know I should have done, however I didn’t sleep with him either, actually I didn’t sleep at all as he spent the entire night snoring his head off!. I’m not a light sleeper but having what can only be described as the sound of a pneumatic drill in my ear was sufficient to ensure I was up all night! Soooo not funny at the time!

He then got the arse in the morning because I wasn’t up bright and early and dressed by half ten? For the record I had showered and was semi dressed and applying my make up when he made the comment. I felt like saying well if you hadn’t been snoring all bloody night and I had had more than a couple of hour’s sleep I’m sure I would be all bright eyed and bushy tailed first thing?

Apart from anything else it’s like ten o’clock in the morning? On a Sunday? My ONLY day off? What is wrong with you??? (I had also just started my period which always makes me sluggish and you really shouldn’t piss off a hormonal woman) He probably had the arse because he couldn’t get his leg over! Lol!

I left straight after breakfast with a few words of wisdom ringing in my ears on the drive home.  I have to add we did leave on friendly terms but it was pretty obvious this wasn’t going to go anywhere.

I was told that it was up to me where we go from here because I’m the one with all the issues (like really – yeah I’m the one with the issues!)

He said I had too many barriers and until I was ready to let them down and let someone get close to me I was wasting my time dating. Now I think I need to make a clarification here, I am under no illusions, I am fully aware that I have barriers that I have built over time to protect myself from getting hurt. Doesn’t everyone?!

I am also fully aware that there are times where regardless of these, I do let people into my heart and inevitably I do get hurt. I don’t have any regrets though as having an emotion – surely even a bad one, kind of makes you feel alive doesn’t it?

What I a have a problem in understanding, is how I am supposed to do all this by the time I get to a second date? Surely that’s asking too much of me? I don’t know you and more importantly you don’t know me. You haven’t a clue about who I am and where I came from and without that knowledge (which can only be gained over time) you have no way of knowing me, end of.

So that got me to thinking where did these barriers come from? Probably where psychologist and relationship therapists have been preaching for years, they start in the same place for everyone, from early childhood. They say experiences you have as a child shape the adult you will eventually become. I don’t always agree with this statement, the whole theory that we should make allowances for criminals because the person they became was a direct result of a bad childhood to me is utter bullshit (pardon the French).

If we were to follow this theory then I would be an unemployed crack head living in a council flat with 4 children all from different fathers scrounging off the state.

I like to believe as Charles R Swindoll said “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”. 

So who was the first man to break my heart and leave me? That would be my Dad (through no fault of his own I have to add). He died 3 months after my mother did, I was 6 and had grown up a great deal in those few short months, I had also become very close to him. He died as a result of a stroke but to be honest it turned out he couldn’t live without my mother – may be that’s what I strive for,  to find a love like that, to have someone love you so much their life isn’t worth living without you?.

What followed were a few years of utter chaos, being taken out of school away from all my friends and spending 18 months in a foreign Country, trying to adapt to their way of life, their teaching methods, not to mention a whole new language.

I have some things to be grateful for, it taught me how to adapt to a changing environment, and it also taught me how to fit in when you are the odd one out. Best of all I’m grateful that what I can only describe as quite a traumatic experience came to an end and I was brought back to the UK. Back to my school with the added bonus of being at a more advanced stage of maths than my fellow students! Probably how I ended up in Finance, so yes I suppose some of what you learn as a child does shape who you become as an adult.

I am quite proud of who I am and what I have achieved, my house may not be a mansion but to me it means the world, its mine and mine alone. I believe I have a good soul, which is probably why I am surrounded by so many lovely, caring and supportive friends who genuinely show me love on a regular basis. I just have to find a man to complete the fairytale but I’m willing to wait for the right one – he’s out there somewhere!

With that in mind I drove back from Portsmouth, had a couple of hours sleep and headed straight out for a date with The London Salesman because you never know what’s around the corner! May be I’ll be third time lucky?! Here’s hoping!!

Thank you for reading.