A New Dating site, Ex's and FWB's

Hey,

So another week has flown by? There have been some high points in NoshWorld. The highs – finding the perfect phone for me (It’s a Blackberry and I have it IN MY HANDS) – believe me the amount of hassle getting it was unbelievable, I’m very fussy and had my heart set on this one specific phone and nothing else would do (bit like how I am with men I suppose – always want what’s hard to get!) – v excited as it means I’ll have access to my blog and sites all the time – bring on the tweets!!. Just got to work out how to use it now!

I managed to change my hours at work so I can fit in an extra Body Combat class a week – how sad am I??? Feel fabulous for it though!

Found out this week that one of my besties is well loved up, I was beyond chuffed to learn she is following my 5 -6 date rule and is finding it very successful!  (My god some people actually listen to me??). May be I’ll become one of those people who can’t do but can teach? Did any one read about the lady “Love Doctor” in the paper this week? She’s 24 and makes a living by helping people seduce their ideal partner? Only she can’t find love herself? Her problem she says is she’s so caught up in the frill of the chase she doesn’t want the relationship at the end of it? I think that’s where our similarities end, I hate the whole chase bit (though I am getting better at it!) I’m happiest in a proper relationship (though it has been a while so things may have changed!). 

The low this week – was having to visit my brother in law in hospital after he suffered a “medium” heart attack. I asked him what “medium” meant and he smiled and said well any harder than that’ and it would have been bye bye. (Not funny!) Made me realise life really is too short (so I’d best find a man quick!!) He’s going to be alright by the way, I told him not to go anywhere.

Talking of men I recently made a decision that it was time to cut ties with the ex’s as its time to move on with my life.  This lasted approximately 2 days before I got serious withdrawal symptoms! (Ok lets be honest this lasted like an hour before I had palpitations!) I suppose when you’re single its reassuring to still have male company even if it is from an ex?.  May be I just seek the attention? (There’s nothing like the feeling when you see the little envelope on your phone to say you have a message – big sigh) Besides I tend to get on better with my ex’s when I’m not dating them probably because the fear of commitment is no longer there? (Their fear, not mine).

I then got onto thinking can you be friends with an ex or will sex always get in the way? If you get on well then where’s the harm? I think the harm comes into play when you’re not being honest about your motives and feelings. If you have a secret desire to get back together, to show them what they’re missing, then you’re playing with fire and you’re the only one who’s going to get burnt.

My pattern in the past has always been to keep my recent ex’s as a FWB (friend with benefits). Obviously this means they need to have been good in bed otherwise it defeats the whole object, also you need to be able to get along with them and enjoy their company?. After all he needs to come up for air at some point?!

There’s only 3 ex’s that fit into that category at present (I enjoy their company and find them interesting to talk to – not I want to get back together with them – Ex’s are ex’s for a reason and usually a very good one!). Out of them, one is too busy, ones abroad (and I’m kinda ready to move on from that one) and the last one is just not good for me.

Oh yes Steve is baaaaaack - remember him? He was the one who commented that Kelly Rowland looked chunky in her Commander video – in the tight red leather cat suit? Really??? Are you serious?? He’s also the one who commented on a picture of me in the countryside by asking how long ago it was taken because I looked massive in the picture???? He was like “don’t get me wrong, you look tiny on the sofa here and I know the camera adds like ten pounds!!” Cheeky git, it was taken the month before and it was winter time, I was wearing a fat jumper and a coat so yeah of cause I looked a bit bigger???? For the record whatever I lack in body I more than make up for in personality!!  (For those of you who don’t know me I’m a size 10-12 and he’s a wanker!). He’s funny and suggested may be third time would be lucky??? I’d say third time would make me a sadist - so that’s the end of that then – Eek! (I’m screwed – or not as the case may be?!)

So I joined a new website to find Mr Right – had to pay – not impressed (paid for one month and got one month free so not too bad), am hoping the quality of the blokes will be better because surely men who aren’t looking for a relationship won’t waste their money? So far met one bloke who after only being on the site for 3 days decided to date someone he already knew? I obviously have that influence on men???!

Am now chatting to another bloke but he does live quite far away so I don’t know if anything will come of it? Also got a couple of emails from men in their 50’s? No I’m not looking for a sugar daddy thank you very much.

I did have a really sweet bloke who sent me a message and after I responded told me he had only sent the message to “test the waters” and hadn’t seriously expected me to reply and that I had made his day? Lol (Awwww sweet). Not sure if he’s ginger? Described himself as having brown hair but I don’t trust that site (it’s the free one – oh yes I’m on more than one). Not heard from him for a couple of days so I probably boosted his confidence enough for him to go find someone else? Jeez!

There was the bloke who sent me an email saying “hi”  (original eh?) and because I didn’t respond straight away (needy or what?) sent me another one the next day to say “you’re probably not interested because I have kids” I was thinking, no I’m not interested because you’re ugly?  I decided not to respond, I always think if you have nothing nice to say its best not to say anything at all.

On the subject of kids, I wouldn’t rule out a man just because he’s a dad, I’m not that naive to think you can get to your mid thirties and still meet lots of people who didn’t have children.  I’m not particularly good with them though so I would be put off if they lived with him and or there were several of them (young ones).

There was the bloke from Kent who’s first words to me on the phone were “you realise I have kids?” I was like “what more than one?” (Trying to hide the panic in my voice!) He had three but they were all over 16 so not the end of the world (he was only in his 40’s so started young). I can live with that. Unfortunately for me the date didn’t go too well because I accidentally hooked up with an ex the night before and was shattered by the time I got to the date. (It was New Year and I was having a fabulous start to it!!) He later text me to say there was no chemistry? I’m not surprised I was comatose throughout most of the date!. (Will I ever learn???!)

So we shall see. It’s only been a few days, who knows what’s around the corner in the online dating world? Will keep you updated.

Thanks for reading.

The Etiquette of Breaking up

I was listening to my local radio station on the way into work last week and they were discussing the best ways to split up with someone based on some article. The first rule of breaking up was to start distancing yourself from your partner leading up to it, ie start seeing them less frequently and be less available so they kind of see it coming rather than carry on like nothing is wrong and then spring it on them.

Secondly they all agreed you should always do this in person – never, ever by text, email or phone (or post it note – sex & the city style!). I’m not 100% sure I agree with this statement, I think it depends on how long you have been dating.

I think if you’ve only met this person recently and you’ve only been on a couple of dates and are just not feeling it, an email or text is probably an acceptable method. Any more than that I think deserves a telephone call (as a bare minimum). Anything over 2 months I think should be done in person. I have a lot of respect for people who make the effort to do this face to face. It shows a level of maturity and respect for your partner. (I hope you’re reading this, you know who you are!).

Thirdly they said you must make it perfectly clear that you are dumping the person! I think what they means is that you should be firm that you have made a decision and are not just attention seeking, and that you genuinely do not want to date this person any more. One of the radio presenters was talking about how he dumped his girlfriend and 2 days later she called him like nothing had happened and asked him for a lift?! Lol! (He obviously wasn’t clear enough – or she was a psycho!)

The next stage is to give the person a reason why they are being dumped, the whole “its not you it’s me” line doesn’t work either!!  So what makes a good reason to split up with someone? Recently I was told “we don’t have enough in common?” Really? Do you really need lots in common to get along? Don’t opposites attract? Also didn’t you know this when you met me??! (In his defence he was probably right but it took me another try and a couple of months to work this out for myself!!)

Also how honest can you be? You’re thinking “you bore the sh1t out of me and I can’t bear another minute in your company??” but you say “I just don’t think this is going to work out, we want different things?” Then there’s the classic, “you deserve better than me?” Well that’s pretty obvious mate, what’s your point???.

A few of my favourites (one’s I’ve come across not used personally)

 “I’m not saying it’s you but I know its not me!”

“Life’s too short to make mistakes” (Amen to that!)

“You looked better when I was drunk?”.   

“You’re an investment with no return!” (ooooh LOVE that one!!).

 “I used to think size didn’t matter but in your case I have to make an exception!” (Bit cruel but sooo funny!)

Lastly one I can see myself using soon “I can’t meet your needs for the foreseeable future because working on my site and spending time with my friends is far more absorbing then conversing with you!.”  (Hee hee)

Moving swiftly on, so the last stage of dumping someone was to find a suitable place to do it.  Should you go to their place? invite them to yours? or meet in a public place? There are advantages and disadvantages to all 3 options. I think if you are doing the dumping and go to their place at least you can make a quick get away ie you can walk out, if however they are at your place it gets a bit more complex, as its bad enough you’re dumping them but then you have to ask them to leave?

A public place also has its downside (no chance of a quickie beforehand – I know I’m sorry but haven’t we all done this???!!) Do you know how the other person is likely to react?. If you think they might act violent towards you then perhaps this is a viable option, as may be they are less likely to do this with people around? Also are you prepared for a big scene in a public place if this is the way it goes down? I’m pretty sure if you’ve dated for a while you have a good idea on how the other person is going to take it and a decision can be made based on this. They didn’t cover the subject on whether you can stay friends with an ex, I have my opinions about that but that’s a whooooooole other blog!

So in conclusion, if you are going to dump someone, make sure it’s definitely what you want, decide a location, do it in person (preferably) be firm, give a reason if possible and hopefully walk away unscathed!

For the record I don’t think its classy making a scene regardless of how tempting it may be.  I think if someone doesn’t want to be with you then that’s their decision and you deserve better than to be with someone who isn’t 100% into you. (Hence why I’m still single! lol).

Thank you for reading.

What's the best method to meet someone?

I came across an interesting forum this week where a guy confessed to sleeping with 18 women over the last 2 years using the free dating site that I am on (I wasn’t one of them in case you were wondering). He achieved this by changing his user name and profile every 30 days and because he doesn’t have a photo on his profile he can stay pretty much anonymous (I don’t communicate with people without photos so this was probably my saving grace!) Also by changing his profile it looks like he is a new member and is therefore shown more predominantly on the site (a major flaw in the system I believe).

Anyway he went on to say if you’re looking for marriage you shouldn’t be on a free site?!! (Opinionated little twat) This got me to thinking whether he is to some extent right? I’m not saying I’m looking for marriage from a free dating site but a relationship would be a good start? I have been on this site for nearly 3 months now and even though I’ve been on a couple of dates, more than not I have met time wasters. The length of time I’ve been on is partly my fault because I can go for a week at a time and not bother to log in (its called having a life) May be if you dedicated an entire month to this you would yield better results?

Then again it only takes one good date to meet the right person? Also I consider myself as someone genuine on the site so I find it hard to believe there aren’t other people like me, you just have to get past all the liars, cheaters, commitment phobic and weirdo’s. At least when you do eventually meet a decent one you’ll be more grateful for meeting them then otherwise would be the case?

So here’s the dilemma, which is the best method to meet decent eligible bachelors/bachelorettes?? Traditionally the workplace is supposed to be a good place but I have a general rule not to get involved with work colleagues as I tend to like my jobs and don’t need the complication. (Besides the decent ones are all married!).

Same goes with my gym, it’s MY gym, I’ve been a member for years, I’m there all the time, I don’t want to have to change my routine just to avoid someone I got involved with.

They reckon the supermarket is a good place? I’m thinking more Waitrose (according to my work colleague they have the better cars!) than Asda? (Full of men who looking like they are from the living dead according to another friend!). Have to say talent in Tesco’s wasn’t bad tonight, shame I’d popped in straight from the gym with no make – up on! Still not 100% on which direction I’m meant to put my cucumber in my basket to announce I’m single?!

.

That brings me back to online? In which case I need to try a few different dating sites to see which ones fair better (watch this space)

I’m also considering speed dating? You can have anything from 12 – 25 dates in one night, all lasting 3 minutes and ending with the sound of a bell – I’ve tried this in the past and believe me 3 minutes can be a very long time! I think the key here is to have a few random questions ready before the date so you don’t end up sitting there for 2 minutes talking about the weather or their job!

My most memorable experience was when I was in my 20’s and I went to an “Asian” only speed dater event. (Should have known better really) I had over 25 dates in one night, by the end of the night I had pretty much forgotten what any of the men had looked like (even though I had taken notes!) I ended up on a proper date with some bloke who I had corresponded with and who had sent me a link to his website which had a picture of him – turns out wasn’t an up to date one!! Gasp! (You live and you learn)

He turned out to be shorter than me! (Please bear in mind when speed dating that the women remain seated so it is difficult to appreciate the height of the man! Lol).

Was officially one of the worse dates ever, we agreed to meet in London, the tubes weren’t working so a 20 minute tube journey ended up as a hour bus ride from hell, we were all crammed on the bus like sardines, it was not the best start to the date.

When I finally got there he was obnoxious, rude, arrogant, and opinionated (wasn’t like that during the 3 minute speed date) I kept looking round helplessly for the bell to ring so I could move on! The journey to see him was 2 hours, I stayed less than an hour. We were in some empty wine bar (so much for him knowing the area well!) believe me had there been a window in the toilets I would have quite happily risked tearing my skirt while scrambling out of it!! (Classy)

I ended up making my excuses to bring the date to a close, we walked out together so I could get a bus to Victoria and so desperate to get away I got on the first bus that came a long without caring where it was heading, called goodbye over my shoulder and jumped on board. He just stood there flabbergasted at the speed of my exit!

I promptly called my friend to tell her I never wanted to date again and I’d rather stay single for the rest of my life. I told her how I’d jumped on any bus just to get away from the bloke (much to the amusement of a really cute bloke sitting a few seats away from me), he was sweet and as he got ready to disembark at the next stop he came over and said if I wanted to get to Victoria there would be a bus from the stop across the road shortly?

Spontaneous Nosh wanted to believe him and get off the bus with him and have a chat, who knows where it could have ended? However Sensible Nosh knew it was getting late, I didn’t know where I was and I decided knowing my luck he was a serial killer so I politely declined and got off at London Bridge and got the train home. To this day I still wonder what could have been! (Mind you, after this week’s episode of Crime watch I’m thinking I probably made the right decision – it’s a scary, scary world out there).

Like I say I’m now in my 30’s, I’m older, I’m wiser and my selection process is better so I’m going to try a few different methods over the next couple of months to see where I get! I know a man’s for life and not just for Christmas but wouldn’t it be lovely to wake up with one Christmas day??? (Best put it on my wish list for Santa)

Wish me luck! (I may need it) Will keep you updated! Thanks for reading.

Engagement rings, firemen and mens t-shirts

I had mixed emotions last weekend after finding my engagement ring which I lost over 10 years ago.

Before moving into my house I turned my flat upside down to try to find my ring because I knew once I’d moved it would be lost forever, so can someone please explain to me how ten years later, its right there in a jewellery box (which incidentally I have looked in several times since I’ve moved) looking at me like why am I in here? Or more importantly why haven’t you replaced me yet??? Lol!

After a frantic search through old photos to confirm this was the same ring and that I wasn’t losing my mind, I did the only logical thing………………. I sat there with it on my finger looking at the diamonds twinkle in the light. I have to say it is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen and so it should be as I was the one who picked it, at the time it took me ages to find because it was meant to be for life.

I remember the day we went and bought it, as I got in the car with the ring firmly on my finger and a huge smile on my face I told my ex there was nothing he could ever do to take that moment away from me, turns out I was wrong, apparently I hadn’t taken into consideration him shagging someone else 2 months later – we had been together for 7 years.

So that was a lesson learned, if you’re happy, keep your mouth shut before you jinx things! Lol! Any way I think it deserves to be worn so I’m planning on selling it so it brings someone else happiness (and me a holiday!)

So my week started with me showing up to work in an engagement ring (so I could get it valued at lunchtime) and also to wind my work colleague up pretending I’d met a bloke on a first date Friday night and he had proposed Sunday! (Well you know it could happen?!!) after about an hour I was starting to feel a bit sick and I felt quite restricted by it? (made me wonder if I’m subconsciously a commitment phobic - may be thats why I attract the same in the men I meet?)

Tuesday morning our work fire alarm went off first thing  – twice! I reckon the second time round someone did it deliberately because there weren’t any fireman the first time round? (Who would do a thing like that?!)

We share a building with another company and I got a peculiar look from a bloke from upstairs because I started cheering (and clapping) as the firemen drew up. (I wasn’t the only one, though if I’m honest I probably started it)  That was nothing compared to the looks I got as I got my phone out and took a couple of pics, they were very obliging, I gave them the thumbs up to thank them and asked the lady standing next to me to close her mouth. Hee hee.

Wednesday lunch time I walked past a bloke wearing a Porsche t-shirt which made me giggle and got me to thinking why it is that men feel the need to wear shirts with fake symbols on? First of all he couldn’t possibly fit into a Porsche for purely logistically reasons (he was a rather large bloke, looked 10 months pregnant – ie all up front not all over) and secondly if he owned one he wouldn’t feel the need to wear the t-shirt? In true Carrie Bradshaw style I couldn’t help but wonder “could I date a man who wears a shirt like that?” and if so would I let him out of the house wearing it? or more importantly would I walk down the street with him?

Then I thought about other shirts men wear, superman (really popular on ebay!) Thundercats? (I’ll put money on the fact that it’s for men in their 30’s reliving their childhood). Spiderman (Saw a nice pink one – for men – don’t even get me started). Two of my favourites were “I speak 2 languages, utter shyte and complete bollox” (I bet a women designed that one) and “Eat, sleep, COD” (designed by a man, if a women had designed it would say “and obviously single” on the back!)

I also came across  a pic of one of my ex’s on fb wearing animal (from the muppet fame) boxers, believe me if there was ever a case for  prosecution under the trade descriptions act this was it (been there and I tell ya he was no animal! lol) Why oh why do you do it???

Moving swiftly on……….

Thursday got to catch up with my bestie who’s just got back from 2 weeks in Kenya teaching underprivileged children English & maths (I sooo want to do that), though from the photos it looked like she had a lot of fun checking out the animals, drinking, flirting and eating cake! (want to do that too!) I won’t judge, I’m just jealous!

On the dating side it has been a quiet week so far, have been too busy to go online, (making the blog live and joining twitter) I think the highlight was the email from a man telling me I was cute with  a picture of his incredibly toned black ass! The fact that his username was King Dong had me in hysterics. I haven’t responded – I wouldn’t know where to start? Is he expecting a pic of my boobs in return???

So all in all not a bad week, made the blog live Tuesday evening and it took my ex less than 24 hours to find it and read it! Lol! OMG – too funny! Have to give it to him he took my comments in his stride! (I wonder if the others would feel the same?). Here’s hoping we never find out!

Always a pleasure!
Thanks for reading :) xx 

A Rule of 5 or 6?

So what have I learned this week? I’ve learnt making 65,000 calls to an ex in a 12 month period is officially classed as stalking – no shit? Really?  Lets put this into perspective – that’s 178 calls a day, that’s 7 calls an hour (if she’s an insomniac) or 11 calls an hour (if she sleeps for 8 hours a night). Surely after the first few thousand you would get the message? I need to google her ex to see if he was worth it, will let you know what I find!.

I then went on to read an article from a bloke about internet dating, he complained that women have too much of a checklist and can not look past it to allow themselves to meet Mr Right and be happy. Up to this point I was giving him the benefit of the doubt – ok may be he’s right.

He then went on to say that we should go on a date with every man who asks us whether we feel we will be a good match or not (really?, because by my calculations this would mean I’d be on a date from hell pretty much every night until one day I disappeared and my body is found in several pieces a month later) Like seriously are you insane????

Wait there’s more pearls of wisdom here, he went on to say we should have a minimum of 6 dates with a man before reaching a decision on whether we should see him again – so let me get this straight, I am to agree to a date with someone I don’t fancy or not sure about and then see them a further 5 times before telling them they’re not my type? Isn’t that like leading them on? Like just a tiny bit?

The only valid bit of insight he gave me was that men and women view dating in different ways. After 2 – 3 dates a women will be starting to form an idea of a relationship with her man and taking him into consideration when making plans (be them for a few months down the line – ie he can come to my mates wedding, Christmas party etc). Whereas a man will have 5 – 6 dates and class this as dipping their toes into relationship waters. (These are the men who just as you think all is going well go cold on you and start to back off –  Steve being case in point – and I really liked him too!).

With this in mind I’m thinking of recalculating the number of dates I have with any given man before becoming intimate to coincide with this? Up until recently I had a minimum 4 date rule (minimum people – not on the 4^th date I will shag you!). Ultimately the rules are negotiable and it depends entirely on how comfortable you are together, or you’ve had a few glasses of wine and he’s fit and he’s there!

Ps- if a man accuses you of being a sex addict its because he can’t keep up with you and this is how he justifies it to himself – so be kind. (I asked John what his purpose was in life if it wasn’t to shag me?! At which point he replied “bloody 30 year olds” Lol!)

Today I spoke to a friend who agreed to a blind date with someone she had given her number to a couple of years ago, she couldn’t remember what he looked like but after a few weeks of texting decided to meet up with him. Now something that I have learnt through personal experience is that this type of encounter will undoubtedly end in disappointment (not always as there are always exceptions to the rule) but the whole time you are communicating, be it texts, emails or phone calls you are building up a mental image of this person (even with profile pictures you won’t know what they actually look like or if there will be any attraction until you meet them). The high expectations are bound to be a disappointment. (For example I know if gym man ever asked me out on a date he could never in a million years live up to the expectations I have built up about him over the last 3 years – would I therefore turn him down? Mmmmmmmn not sure!!)

I’ve just finished reading “Belle De Jours guide to men”. She has a rule of 3 – within 3 contacts (email/text/call) you need to secure the date or move on. (The internet dating scene never sleeps). I think this is a bit harsh and actually 3 emails isn’t going to be enough for me to establish whether you’re likely to be a serial killer or not. I think may be 5 or 6 contacts?

It is advisable that one of these is on the telephone as you can learn more about a person with ten minutes on a phone call then several weeks of ping pong emails. The exception being men who aren’t comfortable talking on the phone. Incidently I’ve dated all of these, the ones who hate phone calls (and you can hear the edginess in their voice because they want to put the phone down as quickly as possible – no they weren’t married), and the ones who hate texting  (too fumbly for my fingers!). None of this however stopped me from having a relationship with them. So 5 or 6 seems to be the running theme here.

Also I’ve changed my attitude towards dating in the last couple of weeks, I’m being more assertive, if you want to date me (and I believe I’m worth a date) you’re going to have to make an effort. To any man who thinks for one minute a women should have to travel for an hour and a half or two hours to meet up for a first date is delusional. Not gonna happen, I don’t care if you’re Brad Pitt, you meet me half way or not at all. (That’s 2 men I’ve discounted over the last month).

So I’m still single but pretty sure I’m better off, if they’re that selfish now its unlikely to improve with time! Back to the drawing board! Will keep you updated as always!

Thanks for reading J xx

7 men, 2 Dates, 1 near Date, suspected food poisoning & a gum infection - August 2011

Has been a busy online dating few weeks!

I got asked out by a bloke from Essex who was a civil engineer, had a kid, did a lot of karate and wrote poems? Was a bit skinny for my liking and the poem thing sounded a bit poncy, he lived too far away and with having his daughter over every other wknd I decided he wasn’t worth the effort  So Mr Kung Fu was eliminated before a first date.

Step in number 2 – David – 37, 6ft, hazel eyes, publicity officer, rented in London and had family in Brighton. (he was the one I ranted and raved over on my FB because he was gorgeous and fit) So I met him for a date, - turned out he was fit – training for a marathon, but not as gorgeous as his pics (they were good pics). Still shaggable mind!

We met up in Brighton and after the first small glass of wine he had sufficiently bored me enough to warrant a second larger glass. Turns out good looking men rely on their looks to get laid so don’t bother to work on their personalities? Shame really.

Once the second glass had kicked in (didn’t take long I’m a cheap date) I had a bit more fun and found it quite entertaining to ask him many random questions to get a better sense of who he was which he seemed to thrive on – I was less bored though rather drunk!!.

Obviously long term this wouldn’t work, I can’t get drunk just to spend time with a bloke. After all the time I’ve spent trying to find the right man I’m pretty sure becoming an alcoholic is not the answer!

I ignored all the alarm bells – ie a 37 year old man who’s longest relationship to date has been a year long?  He also seems to go on a lot of dates but didn’t like anyone? (Don’t even go there!) I did agree to a second date on the assumption that may be he was nervous and would be less boring next time?  However he text me a few days before to say he had met someone else and wanted to see where that went (he met her before me apparently). I wished him luck (though really I was wishing HER luck! lol)

Step in number 3 – Mark 32 year old (pretty good on paper) - worked in IT security , lived in Kent, had his own house as well as a buy to let property, a few cars including a Range Rover. Took 6 months off last year to explore the world and is now working for a bank. So we arranged to meet for a date. He was lost so was late to the pub, I’m sitting in the beer garden with a drink, a  book and mobile handy. You know when someone walks in and you see them pick up their phone to dial and you pray your phone isn’t going to be the one to ring? Yeah that’s exactly how it was! Lol!

However it wasn’t my fault that he didn’t look like his pics, totally not my type, don’t think he got my sense of humour either. He thought it weird that I had a name for my car and referred to "it"  as a "he"  or that I  called myself mummy? He said it would be like him calling his cat Daddy? I was like no the cat wouldn’t be daddy it would be like you calling yourself daddy to the cat? He was like – isn’t that wrong? I was like “well it depends what you’re doing to the cat at the time? PSML! (I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself and I refrained from using the word pussy!). He just looked at me and I was like sorry you walked straight into that one! Lol!

Yeah so like I said not my type, he did ask me for a second date but I politely declined by text and told him we had no chemistry. Next!

In the meantime after just recovering from suspected food poisoning, I get knocked down with toothache so another week of looking for Mr Right was put on hold while I ate only on the left hand side of my mouth and tried not to let the anti biotics space me out too much.

Once better I took a few days off work, off the antibiotics and got myself back on the horse for lots and lots of flirting! There was Alan from Fareham (Portsmouth) I thought he was from Farnham (near Guildford) Slight geographical misjudgement on my part! (Was only one letter out though a good few miles!) Lol!  He was a chef and worked in a pub but seemed to be out drinking a lot and wasn’t too keen on coming all the way to Crawley for a date, I decided there was really no point in pursuing this as the distance was going to be a problem and he was a bit stroppy by text when he’d had a drink? He was also going to go back to studying soon and seemed a bit of a drifter (for a better word) not what I need right now, I need someone who knows what they are doing and where they are going.

There was Pete from London was a builder/decorator who seemed normal enough, funny, up for a laugh and sweet. After a marathon texting session turns out he hadn’t been “well” recently. I didn’t really delve into it too much but turns out he had an ex who had taken his 3 kids away from him in 2002 and he hadn’t seen them since and I’m working on the assumption the “not well” bit was probably some form of depression?. (I do pick em). Not heard from him for a week, may be he’s a bit down? Who knows?, who needs it?

Then there’s football/sports crazy Chris who is also a builder, lives in Bognor, not sure he’s interested, he does text but not as much as the others and I’m not sure I’m going to like coming second to the sport all the time?

Lastly there was Nick from Crawley 36, 6ft 2, Athletic, worked for the drug and alcohol team? Seemed normal enough by email though a little guarded. He agreed to a date last Sunday at the Shipley (one of my fav pubs) but decided to stand me up!

Never in the history of time has a man stood me up, lucky for me it was at a place 5 minutes from my house so I hadn’t wasted much petrol, but there was no text, no call, no apology, no “I’ve changed my mind” nothing, a total blank. He is still alive and breathing because he has been online since.

I ended up going to the movies and dinner with my mate instead so I didn’t waste the effort I had made to dress up but it was still a bit disappointing.

Was a week of mixed emotions as far as my ex's were concerned. I found out my ex Ben who I dated last year (ended in May) got married to the women he met after me - he was lovely and a great catch but we just didn't have enough in common and it would never have worked - so why did it knock me sideways when I found out?. I caught up with my other ex Nate (the psychologist) who I haven't heard from since January - turns out he is off to teach English in Korea for a year or so, possibly moving onto Thailand etc so could potentially be gone for a couple of years (there goes my guaranteed NYE shag!). I also found out my recent  ex John is back on the dating site looking for his next conquest (so much for wanting his independence and to concentrate on his career!). They all seem to be moving on whereas I'm still here!


Needless to say I am tiring  of the whole "online" dating malarky but we are at the beginning of another month, autumn is upon us so I will move on to see what is out there. you have to stay positive, its all a numbers game, sooner or later your number has to come up! Wish me luck, thanks for reading :) xx

Childhood Memories - (09/08/11)

It’s been a couple of weeks since the last blog, and I’ve spent a lot of time with my friend who is visiting from the States.

It has been educational, not just from the American vocabulary that is spilt in with the British, her kids running around in my yard (garden) playing and eating candy (sweets). She uses the word garbage instead of rubbish and fall instead of autumn. To learning asian phrases that I didn’t know existed such as fobs? (It’s not my fault, I’ve been out of the loop for a while!)

Over the weeks her British accent has fought against the American and she’s kinda “Crawley” again! Lol!

Being one of my closest childhood friends, and growing up in pretty much the same street she knows things about me nobody else does or ever will! She witnessed my childhood, she saw what my life was like, I don’t ever have to explain this to her and that is a remarkable bond.

I have fond memories of playing “hit the kerb” in Jordans Cres at a time when there weren’t so many cars on the road or parked along the street and when children could play in the road outside their house and still be safe. The joys of hitting maximum points by throwing the ball backwards, smacking the kerb, spinning around and catching the ball was better then a slam dunk in basketball and I was damn good at it!!

The not so fond memories of playing cricket in my cousin's driveway and catching a wasp instead of the ball – god the tears that followed! Strange how some things just stick in your mind (trauma obviously being one of them).

“Spot” the damn dog that would periodically escape from its back garden and chase us screaming down the street nipping at our heels, (apart from my cousin who for some unknown reason he didn’t chase?, may be its because she didn’t run!) My short lived joy of out smarting him by running into a neighbour’s back garden and jumping into a gap between the garage and the wall where Spot couldn’t reach me only to realise I was then trapped until he gave up and went after someone else!

Then we were all separated as I was packed off  to a different secondary school from all my friends by my sister who was attempting to get me away from what she classed as a “bad” crowd (the Asians! Lol) unaware that the only “bad” person in my life was her. I moved in different circles, I made new friends, I studied hard and I did well. May be my sister was right in sending me to the “better” school even if it was for the wrong reasons.

We all reunited at college and I met several others! People who to this day are very dear to me. It was still her who was with me on the day I got hit and knocked unconscious by a white van just weeks before my 18th birthday. She was the one who ran for help – I still have no recollection past stepping out in front of the van and being on the floor and hearing someone telling me not to move!!

She was there through some of my college years – the ones where we bunked off and went to Chessingtons or gate crashed parties at Universities we didn’t attend and the day time clubbing at nightclub’s that held special events for asian people playing the best in RnB, Hip hop and bhangra music! Hammersmith Palais ruled! (Wasn’t that where I met that really hot Sikh bloke who to this day has to be the best snog I ever had?! Sorry I’m digressing a bit!).

Anyway then she shamelessly married an American and emigrated to the US nearly 14 years ago. Not before introducing us to the wonderful world of strippers who stripped (shock horror) all the way at her hen do! Funniest thing ever! They also included a future X Factor contestant who shall remain anonymous but yes mate we saw your penis years ago! I still have a picture of it somewhere! Lol!

Over time she has settled into married life, had 2 beautiful children and built a life abroad. She’s only ever in the UK every 2 to 3 years and we all make an effort to see her as much as possible in the few weeks she is here. Even though I feel much closer to her through the mighty powers of Facebook, I know I’m going to get very emotional when she leaves tomorrow as she takes a part of my past with her.

I have to say I have had a real laugh while she’s been here, she’s the catalyst that brings the rest of us together who through normal day stresses of life are too busy to meet up.. I’ve laughed myself to tears on more than one occasion partly due to cousin who despite the hardships she’s endured is still the funniest and most entertaining person I know. Love you bird (no I’m not drunk!).

So I’d like to dedicate this blog to my childhood and the people who enriched it (you know who you are), you will always be a part of my history and hopefully a part of a long and happy future.

I look forward to all the adventures that lie ahead – I promise to make an effort to meet the right man (I can only but try!) and if I don’t get married first we are soooo doing Vegas for my 40th – best start saving up ladies!

Love to you all. Thank you for reading.