Having a “Brazilian” taking a chance on a man and all I want for Christmas………

Things that have made me giggle this week? Watching a man get a well deserved parking ticket for leaving his car in the middle of the High Street blocking an entire lane – the reason?............ the emergency?........................wait for it………………He wanted a KFC!...........oh yeah you heard me right! He came running over to try to get out of the ticket and then went back in once he realised it was too late (leaving the car causing an obstruction!). Wow that was certainly an expensive KFC, hope it was worth it.  Is it wrong that I really wanted a big lorry to come round the corner and take the car out? I wonder how you would explain that to your insurance company?. “I was hungry man” and “The chicken’s finger lickin good!”  He was obviously too cheap to park in the car park round the corner and pay the 50p - Too funny.

So what have I learned this week? I’ve learnt the difference between a “Brazilian” and a “Hollywood” thanks to my beautician; (A Brazilian leaves a strip and a Hollywood does not) I can confirm both are painful even with her obvious distraction method of talking for England! Please bear in mind as she put it, you are peeling away a layer of skin – OUCH! (I can just see all the men reading this cringing and all women crossing their legs right about now! lol)  I have been assured the first time is the worst and subsequent visits are less painful, I’m not 100% sure I want to find out, I think I may have gone a step too far in the name of research! (I’ve always wanted to try it and it was an impulsive thing!). 

Now I don’t know about other women but I’ve never really paid too much attention to what “down there” looks like, I try to keep it as “tidy” as possible but I’ve never actually examined it with a mirror. So I decided before I go I’d take a quick picture on my camera for my personal reference. I took another one when I returned but wasn’t worried until I took one a little later!! Imagine a swelling that makes your underside at least 4 times its usual size and you’ll get the picture – I was too scared to pee for a while! – (sorry too much detail??).

It wasn’t as bad as you think, I had been warned about the swelling so I wasn’t too concerned, so I’m sitting there an hour later with an ice pack between my legs (not a good look) contemplating my actions and wondering how people in relationships do this? You would have to make sure your other half was working or out for the night. For those of you considering this don’t worry the swelling does go down overnight and you are back to your normal self with all parts working by the next day. (Thank god!). It is very smooth so I’m quite impressed though I’m not sure I like the look? Doesn’t quite look right?. Hey but you live and you learn.

Anyway moving swiftly on in case you didn’t realise it is CHRISTMAS week and for those of you who know me you know how much I love Christmas, I’m off to a Christmas Panto tomorrow – oh yes I am (See I’ve been practising!) I have my very own Santa’s grotto at home (Well kinda), I have 2 Christmas trees for the love of god (and I live alone – go figure!).

Anyway this year has got me to thinking about the fact that I’m single (OMG if I had a man at Christmas you’d be able to see my house from the aeroplanes landing at Gatwick I’d have soooooo many pretty lights on the outside!!) but I don’t, I don’t have that one special man in my life with whom I can wake up to on Christmas morning. This time last year I was seeing someone but we didn’t get to spend Christmas together (he was working up North) and I went to see my family. Christmas morning I was very excitable though because I had a huge pressie to open from him and I’m really such a child when it comes to surprises! 

That ended pretty much like the “Wham” song “Last Christmas” - and this year I did want to give my heart to someone special and there have been a few men I’ve considered (and several I have discounted).
It got me to thinking about men I’ve met this year and to thinking if could I date a man who – dare I say it – doesn’t like Christmas? Gasp? Well I did meet one of those and I wasn’t sure if he hated Christmas because he was single and didn’t have an excitable person to spend it with (like me, me, MEEEEEEEE!!!) or he really is the Grinch.  There was only one way to find out and I wasn’t sure he was worth the risk! Hee hee. Who wants to sit around on Christmas eve being all boring and depressed???.

Some times I do wonder about my motives for wanting a relationship, I think I’m more into the idea of it then the reality? (The reality can really suck but surely only because I’m with the wrong man?) Sometimes I wonder if I want to be in a relationship just so I can change the relationship status on Facebook? Is that wrong??? Am I soooo competitive that I just want to prove I can do it? It has been 4 years since my last long term relationship and believe me I could write an entire book on the issues that relationship had. I’m really scared I’ve been single too long to be able to accommodate a man into my life?  (I hope not). I know a man’s supposed to be for life and not just for Christmas but it would be nice to have one around to drive crazy on Christmas morning when I’m bouncing off the walls with excitement?.

So I thought I’d get a man’s opinion and interrogated my friend’s husband over our Christmas dinner on the weekend.  He’s really lovely, honest and opinionated (just how I like it!). He pointed out that my independence could be scary to potential men (I knew this) I also know that I find it hard to give myself 100% when in a relationship possibly to protect myself from getting too hurt (this doesn’t work by the way). I have recently been enviously watching my best friend throwing herself 110% into potential relationships and even though it hasn’t always worked at least she tried, like really tried. I want to do that (May be I’ll add that to the list of “Things to do in 2012”).

I’ve learnt so much this year, something that surprised me recently was that going away for the weekend with someone who doesn’t love you (or really wants to be with you) is not what I want, I thought it didn’t matter and I could switch off from the fact that this is a casual thing and at least I get to go away right? I was wrong.  (Or may be it was because he couldn’t wait to get back to work that made me feels so unwanted).

So when a “friend” offered to go away this New Years Eve for a romantic weekend I made a decision that it’s not what I want. Either date me or keep it casual – casual does not include NYE, I always associate New Years eve with setting a standard for the year ahead and this year I will be damned if I settle for anything less than what I deserve. I deserve to be loved, I deserve to be treated with respect and in return I will make you feel like the luckiest man on the earth.

So all I want for Christmas? Love, understanding and world peace? May be a new Rabbit?  (I mean it’s a guaranteed orgasm, no complications, no mood swings and you don’t have to watch your weight?). 
Or may be that this time next year I have that special person in my life to complete my already near perfect life (with all my fabulous friends and family, who encourage and believe in me). If not then may be a book deal? Lol! Who knows, any thing is possible.

I’d like to take this opportunity to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas, I hope there is plenty of food, drink and partying and I thank you for reading. Much love to you all.

     Merry Christmas!