I wonder when the novelty of writing a blog in bed will wear off? I have to say right now? I'm loving the freedom of having a new laptop. Yes my home computer finally bit the dust, I have had it five years so I suppose we had a good run.
So here I am on a Sunday afternoon doing what I do best. Carrie Bradshaw eat your heart out! After having to cancel the record breaking, speed dating charity event, in Kent, due to snow I decided to joined a mainstream online dating site, I joined E Harmony.
At first glance its looks great, you fill out information to specify what you are looking for in a potential partner, (this bit was easy). The bit I found hard was the section about what I am not willing to compromise on and what I will not accept in a partner. This is where it got quite complex and slightly comical. I was given 30ish traits and I was only permitted to pick ten. It got to the stage where I had to choice between a partner who is openly racist or someone who is physically abusive? I mean like hello? Apart from anything else who is going to complete a form to say yes I am a racist arrogant pig and I like to beat up women??? Do the "team of psychologists" then think - oh actually I don't think this man is suited to Nosh?? Jeez.
The other downside to E Harmony is the cost, at approximately £35.00 a month it is quite expensive (they will argue this is comparable to other sites in the industry and they are not wrong), however the other sites do not expect you to pay for three months in a row upfront in one lump sum! Any one got a spare £100.00? Also the claim on the adverts on telly that you can "review your matches for free" fails to highlight the fact that you can view their profile but not their picture and as anyone who has ever tried online dating will know, that after a few minutes all the profiles start to sound pretty much the same.
I don't want to waste my time talking to someone who I may not find physically attractive, yes that may sound shallow but you have to bear in mind that any potential boyfriend will have to be someone you're willing to jump into bed with at some stage in the future and no I don't have sex with the lights off! So yes they may have a well paid job, be well travelled and believe they have a great personality but if they're a minger its not gonna work!
So after uploading a couple of pictures and writing a brief description of myself and my interests I began the task of finding my Mr Right. Another thing I don't like about this dating site is the complexity of it, it took me a while to find my way around the site and be able to initialise communication with its members. It took me a further couple of days to work out that people had sent me emails!
They are big believers in "guided communication" ie you send someone you're interested in an "ice breaker" trying to pick one that didn't make me sound like a twat - "you're profile made me smile" or "why don't you fill out your about me section?" made me want to vomit and besides its just not me.
I went with "do you want to chat?" which didn't really yield much response, may be they just blatantly didn't?! The next stage is "guided communication" you send your potential match 5 questions and from their answers you can decide whether you wish to take this any further. I suppose this makes sense, I mean if a guy responds that he does not believe in living together before marriage (yes that was a question) then he's insane and I'm not interested so I suppose this is good to get out of the way in the first round rather than six months down the line.
I eventually worked out how to send an email direct and it turns out that even after you do this it is up to the recipient if they are willing to accept communication in this method or prefer the guided version. WTF??? Seriously if you can't configurate an email now, how on earth are you planning on communicating with me in person?. Aaaaaaaaargh.
Anyway it turns out I did better by emailing people than sending icebreakers or guided communication and it transpires that there are some genuine and normal men out there. One of the first emails I received was titled "De ja Vu" and was from a guy I had been on a date with 18 months previously (through a free site). He was from London and we had met in Brighton for a drink but I found that I needed a drink to enjoy his company? Don't know if you guys remember? (I did blog it at the time!). Any way we never had a second date because he decided to date someone he already knew, bearing in mind he was still "friends" with his exes I assume it was one of them that didn't like the idea of him dating someone else!. So when he contacted me I thought what the hell, what's the worse that can happen?. For those of you know me well, you know I hate dating, so the prospect of dating someone I'd already met was ok for me and I thought it would help to get me back into the dating game. (It has been four months - gasp).
He wanted to meet in Brighton (as he was house sitting for his parents) and suggested we try a pub called the Old Bank which is renown for it's ribs and steak and he boasted he was gonna eat a 7oz one or something. (I'm not a huge fan of steak - it takes 2 days to get out of your system and that freaks me out but I can always find something I like on the menu).
So we met up in Brighton on a very rare, beautiful, sunny Sunday, it was the day of the half marathon so I knew the place would be buzzing. I arrived by train to be greeted by my date and was escorted to a crappy pub across the road from the station? You have to bear in mind it was nearly 3pm by now and I'd had breakfast at 9.00 so I didn't particularly need to go for a drink before going for food. It then hit me, we weren't having any food? What happened to the nice pub and the steak I'd been promised? To be honest the conversation didn't fair much better and I spent the whole time trying to work out why I didn't fancy him, may be it was because I was starving and couldn't think straight?
I got to the stage where I was now resentful that it was the first beautiful day of the year (it was actually warm in the sunshine) and instead of going for a walk to explore the town, or go to the pier or a coffee shop, I was held hostage in a dingy pub?. I would have been happy with fish and chips and a stroll on the beach? We concluded the date by agreeing to go out for dinner (really?) the following weekend but by the time I got home I had decided I couldn't bear another date so I told him I was sorry but I didn't think there was any chemistry. (That old chestnut!)
Moving on I spent a few days discounting men with big noses, big foreheads, bushy eyebrows, weird chins, believe me even I didn't realise how fussy I am.
I had some Asian guy send me an "ice breaker" I wasn't sure because I don't normally date Asian men as I find them quite "guarded" and I'm so out of touch with the culture it makes dating weird. I thought no, I'm gonna make an effort, I'm hurtling towards 40 and may be an Asian guy is the way to go? I was wrong! I sent this guy a casual, hi how's your weekend email and FOUR days later he responded with "ok how's yours?" Well I don't know it was four days ago, I've moved on and I'm planning this weekend now! Any way I responded by asking him, how long he had been single, how long he'd been on the site and how he was finding it. To me, this is basic communication, giving the person something to say and an opportunity to ask me about myself. Also you can tell a lot about a person by how honest and upfront they are.
Three days later he responded with "So many question I don't know where to start...............
Literally?! That was it? How about answering one of them? How about asking me something you twat????!! I admit I lost my temper and decided he was such a time waster I was going to respond to tell him that I'm looking for a man who can communicate and I think we are wasting our time but that I wished him luck anyway.
He went mental!. He sent me a message saying and I quote "Love, sorry to rain on your parade but I'm actually very communicative but only with those who I can be bothered with and find vaguely attractive, unfortunately you fall short in both catergories"
OMG - Erm yeah. To be honest I think this was quite nasty but I'm comfortable with who I am and what I have to offer so he didn't phase me. So here's a bit of advice to all men out there, if you're not interested in someone on a dating site, don't contact them, its that simple really? As for this gem of a man all I have to say is that his profile picture was black and white (enough said) Also even though this blatantly showed an Asian man, he had catogorised himself as Caucasian. I'm working on the assumption that he wasn't thick (though anything is possible). He probably don't do Asian girls? Or may be I just wasn't his type, so do us all a favour and do one you moron!. I did respond with a basic, OMG you joined a dating site to be rude to women? and politely asking him never to contact me again. Another problem with E Harmony is that you can not block a member and stop them from contacting you. (He didn't thank god) but this could easily have got nasty.
Moving on, I've since be chatting to a couple of guys (neither of them Asian) both from London, both quite different with their approach and interests and I've decided to go on a date with both of them!
The first is a 36 year old retail buyer from Kingston, cheeky, flirty and has a gorgeous smile. He's into BMF (British Military Fitness) so fit! He seems a lot of fun, my only concern is that he seems to spend a lot of time out with various groups of friends having a drink but then again I do the same so we shall see.
The second is a 40 year old who has recently changed career from the IT industry to Psychotherapy (Will I EVER learn??? Obviously not, I'm destined to keep making the same mistakes over and over and wonder why it never works out but lets not be hasty here, may be this one won't be quite as f*cked up as the others??). He is also training for a half marathon, does a bit of boxing and has heard of Les Mills (and even done a class - yippee).
Any way due to unforeseen circumstances I'm now going on 2 separate dates, two days in a row, which I suppose might be quite useful as you can compare the two quite easily?.
This is the best time in dating, the bit when you are communicating but you haven't actually met yet, any thing is possible, one of them could be the one, who's to know?.
I'll leave it there for now as I prepare for a busy week. Wish me luck (I may need it!). Thank you for reading :) xx
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